Sunday, March 26, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy (25F) family wants to eat in separate rooms this Thanksgiving.

My (25F) family wants to eat in separate rooms this Thanksgiving.

Just for background, my parents are still very panini cautious. Washing groceries, wearing gloves, double masking *everywhere*, the whole shebang.

I’ve recently moved out, and they also had a recent meltdown when they learned I dropped the rest of their precautions now that I’m in my own place.

They invited me over for Halloween, and were surprised and disappointed when I declined. But I’d rather hang out this Halloween alone. They’re just giving out candy — I’m sorry, not giving it out, but putting a bowl on the front porch that tells kids to take two pieces — and staying inside, where I’d have to wear a face covering around them anyway.

They also expect me to come over for Thanksgiving. I asked them what they have planned for me to do precaution-wise, and they said we can all eat in separate rooms, and then when we watch a movie together, we can wear face coverings in the family room.

I’m sorry, that does not seem appealing to me. I know the joy of visiting my family should beat all that and I should just put up with it, but it all seems ridiculous. I’m on the verge of saying no to Thanksgiving this year and I know they will have a super ultra meltdown.

TL;DR Parents want us to eat in separate rooms and mask this Thanksgiving due to their pandemic precautions. Don’t know how to deal with this.

ETA: Maybe people are thinking I live very far from my family and don’t see them often. I only live 40 minutes away and just saw them last weekend when we took a walk in the park together (them double-masked, of course.) I’ve decided I’m not going to indulge them in their hysteria and offer a morning walk that Thanksgiving instead. Then I’ll go back to my place to eat in peace.

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  1. Can you video chat them from your house while you cook and/or eat? That way you can still see them/be together but they don’t have to worry about masking and you don’t have to deal with their precautions.

  2. I’m just imagining everybody at Thanksgiving dinner, sitting alone in separate rooms, having a conversation by shouting at the doorways. Jeez. Just have dinner over Zoom. At least you’d be able to see everybody at once.

  3. Coming from someone who lost their mom to covid 7 months ago:

    Your parents sound mental and far too anxious. Are you able to do a covid test before going to your parents house? That is how we are going to celebrate our Dutch holidays anyways….

  4. If You’re old enough to move out, then you’re old enough to politely and respectfully decline. Feelings hurt? They’ll be okay by thanksgiving. It’s part of becoming your own adult anyway and having your own house and space.

  5. Aside from all of the covid non advice you’re going to get, can you do a compromise? Don’t do a meal, but instead spend time together and watch movies? Play games? The masks may not be fun but is a good compromise compared to “quarantining” yourself prior to going over. Maybe you could even get tested and do the hangouts or meal maskless?

  6. Weird, we just tell the scared ones to wear a mask or not come. If they are hosting, tht is weird as fuck. I would just skip it because Uncle Pete is bound to show up and shit on everyone for both sides of the coin

  7. I’d stay home. Your parents are paranoid and delusional about the effect of covid at this point. If you’re parents don’t want to live in reality to the point where you can’t even eat in the same room, you shouldn’t go.

  8. Your unwillingness to go along with this charade is valid. The only acceptable reason for your parents to still be acting like this, is if they are immunocompromised in some way. Of course if that were the case, they’d probably be avoiding people at all costs, including celebrating with their family… But, I have a feeling they are just overly paranoid, bordering on obsessive.

  9. I wouldn’t want to go either. I supported mask wearing for over two years, have gotten 4 COVID shots, but I’m not willingly going to any event I still have to wear a mask for. For example, I love my choir but they are still rehearsing and performing with masks on and I just can’t justify spending 3 hours every Wednesday night singing into a sweaty mask.

  10. I’d skip Thanksgiving with them. What they are doing is not logical and is not in keeping with the current CDC guidelines. You are probably not going to be able to convince them to lighten up but you could try printing out the best practices from their own doctor, their state’s health department, the Mayo clinic.

  11. The point of Thanksgiving is to have a big meal together as a family. If they aren’t doing that, I’m not sure of the point. If they are close, you can come by and chat a bit, masked, for the holiday and then take food to go in a tupperware or something.

    But there’s no point on the “eating and drinking harvest festival” to not eat and drink together.

    I’d also suggest something outside with heaters, but they probably wouldn’t unmask for that anyway.

    Tell them to get a proper UV light and bump up their ventilation and then relax.

  12. Look I’m all for precautions but this seems excessive. My wedding was in July and we had everyone test morning of before coming over because we had people travel for it, and high risk people like my mom there. Everyone except one person I think was vaccinated and nobody got sick because everyone did the tests right before coming over. No stops in-between.

    It’s their house, so you can’t make demands, but I mean, what’s is the point of eating in separate rooms?

    I don’t know, maybe eat at home, then come over to watch a movie masked up after? The zoom idea was a good idea too!

    Just let them know “I love you guys, but the excessive precautions are actually moot after a certain point. I’m not gunna eat separately and I have decided ___”. Insert decision.

  13. They can do whatever they want and live like that if they choose. But they need to also respect you and your decisions. You aren’t going out around people and then go to their house all willy-nilly. Why even have Thanksgiving if they’re so concerned? You are perfectly fine with deciding not to go. I’d do the same.

  14. Yeah fuck that, I’d stay home too. Let them live their life the way they choose to. And if they love you, maybe they’ll be angry, but you’re simply choosing to live your life the way you want. I agree with you, that’s ridiculously over the top. I’d skip all holiday get togethers with them until they lightened up.

  15. I’ve had COVID two times. I’m still recovering from the second infection.

    I’ve been using precautions, using N95 and 3 ply mask – except for one instance of not using a mask – for 3 hours, while in a crowded place.

    Both the times, I had no clue whether I’d survive it or not. Whether if I survive, I’d have a good quality if life or not. Post COVID myocarditis, long covid, post covid clots and embolism are a real threats. If any of those happens I might turn into a vegetable any day. I’ve personally seen people who loved hiking, running, lifting and 3+ months after symptomatic/asymptomatic COVID they ended up having clots. Now they can’t do any of these activities. Mothers with asymptomatic covid are giving birth to infants without a functional lung.

    You can practice your autonomy. Your bodily autonomy is your right. You don’t want to attend thanksgiving that’s great – just tell them. Nothing wrong in there. But your parents are not paranoid, they know the consequences of COVID. I actually wonder if they work in healthcare? Bcz I haven’t seen people lately following any guidelines, except the ones who are first hand seeing patients and complications of COVID.

  16. I don’t think you should even eat in the same house. Not just covid, but also the flu, and common cold. Both can be lethal. It’s really not worth even going outside ever again.

  17. Like you, we are more relaxed these days since numbers are low and we are all vaxxed. But that first Thanksgiving we all wanted to be together and many of us were super paranoid so we made a pact. For 8 days (about the longest it can take for covid to germinate) before Thanksgiving we did not go anywhere without taking the full precautions. We did not have any other social gatherings during this time. We tried to stay at home and not go out at all. During the week of Thanksgiving we all went and got tested. We then were able to spend Thanksgiving mask and fear free.

  18. I wonder if you can help them start to reduce their level of paranoia. If it’s just the two of them locked up together, they won’t change. Would it posible to encourage them to have a slightly less cautious thanksgiving if you agree to attend?

    Living like that indefinitely can’t be healthy for them mentally.

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