Friday, March 24, 2023
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My [26F] friend wanted to date, I [28M] wanted to stay friends, need advice.

It’s hard to find advice for my situation as it seems to be almost always a guy getting rejected by a girl, my situation is the opposite.


So there is this girl I’ve been friends with for close to two years now, we met on facebook and have always remained strictly friends, until recently. She started to be flirty towards me more progressively over the last few weeks and I also flirted back a little bit. Then one day she hit me with a question on the phone asking “Can you see us working towards dating eachother” and sorta confessed her feelings for me that she had for a while which honestly blindsided me a little bit and I had a few drinks that night so I didn’t really have a clear answer for her. I did say something like that could be something we can work towards, but I don’t know if a serious relationship is what I want at the moment, that’s something I’ll need to consider. And she seemed to understand completely and everything was fine, she just asked that I don’t lead her on for months and to let her know if I’m not feeling it, and that if that ends up being the case she will respect it completely, so I agreed.


About a week after that after some thought, I decided it was best to address that, and let her know that I don’t want a relationship with anyone right now, I’m just not ready for it and honestly don’t have the time to devote to a partner, and that I would rather continue to be her friend because it’s something I genuinely value with her and would prefer not to complicate that. So I did that, and she basically had a complete meltdown and started saying things like “I’m always going to be alone” and started saying a bunch of stuff about how she’s going to have nobody now to vent to about the negative things she’s dealing with in her life, and how “I’ve never had an attachment to someone like you” and then proceeded to post a million things on SM about the whole thing, saying things like “the only reason he’s not interested in me is because I’m too clingy and he can’t handle it” etc. Which is NOT the case.


I tried to reassure her that look nothing has changed other than we are not going to be romantic with eachother, I’m still just as much here for you as I always have been as your friend. I didn’t mean this to be a negative thing, I only addressed it out of respect for her feelings, I didn’t want to drag things on to a point where I would be leading her on.

I’d also like to mention we have only hung out in person once, never had sex, kissed, or anything like that. Everything was platonic until very recently.


I guess my question with all of this is, did I do something wrong here? Or is this a case of a girl that isn’t used to being rejected like that? She’s a very attractive girl so I doubt it’s something that happens often to her. I feel sad about the whole thing because like I said I genuinely care for this person as a friend. And don’t get me wrong she has every right to be upset, I get that it hurts being told by the person you like that they don’t like you in that way back, but I also feel it’s a little unfair to me that she didn’t address those feelings earlier on and now I’m potentially losing a close friend just because I don’t share her same level of feelings.

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  1. It’s possible she doesn’t like being rejected. It’s also possible that she has some behaviors that perhaps a lot of guys see and don’t want to deal with them even though she’s attractive.

    She’s definitely being over dramatic and not understanding that you’re still there to support her and be her friend.

    I don’t think you did anything wrong. You were open and honest from the start.

  2. Lol dude I went through something similar in August. Time to cut ties for good. No way of salvaging this. They get ridiculously jelous and spiteful and it will affect future relationships if they’re around.

  3. You did everything right and nothing wrong. You were honest and upfront. Most guys would had led her on and even have sex with her. Don’t let her guilt trip you, that’s on her.

    You might have dodge a bullet, sounds like she has some serious issues going on.

  4. She is hyper focused on you, has been for a while I would bet, and now that you turned her down her real colors are showing my guy.

    Block and move on is my advice.

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