Thursday, March 23, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy (32F) BF (32M) is convinced that vegetables caused my auto-immune disease

My (32F) BF (32M) is convinced that vegetables caused my auto-immune disease

A bit of background – I developed an autoimmune disease, seemingly out of nowhere, before I turned 11. Obviously, it’s had a massive impact in my life. In my teens, I quickly learned how powerful foods and herbs are for the human body. While holistic nutrition became a passion of mine, I also suffered intense anxiety around eating, which I am still recovering from.

Fast forward to present-day. My autoimmune disease still gets the best of me every once in a while. My sweet BF, in a genuine attempt to help, tells me that it must have been something I ate, and that I should eat a steak with just a tall glass of water. He’s constantly taking in Carnivore MD’s YouTube videos and is convinced that the root cause of all of my issues is my diet (namely, vegetables). In his mind, my disease is caused by not eating solely meat with salt.

This is triggering for me, and I’ve said this outright to him. I’ve have asked him to never comment on what I’ve eaten or should eat when I have a flare-up (or ever). He continues to try to sway me his direction, “If you would eat only organic, grass-fed meat for like 2 weeks, you’d see a massive improvement.” Excuse me, sir?? Get out of here, I didn’t ask for advice. It has negatively impacted my trust for him, especially since I’ve communicated how triggering it is. I’d love some thoughts on what I can further communicate to him.

Edit: spelling

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  1. >In his mind, my disease is caused by not eating solely meat with salt.

    In my mind his disease is watching too much youtube.

    The internet is as beautiful as it is bad. There’s a shed load of empirical evidence of what really real things are really real out there. There’s also a shed load of snake oil salesmen out there, often making easy to digest youtube videos for the non-critical. Heck, tell him I’ve got a tincture, made from the blood of a snake, in the form of an oil, that will make him more virile. I may have a new buyer.

    Outside of his desire to believe internet woo over actual doctors actual advice, the issue is, you’ve laid down a really specific line and he keeps crossing it like he doesn’t give a crap. Either he doesn’t care what you have to say or he’s just not listening. Neither are great. It’s fundamentally a sign of disrespect for your very real issues.

    How you proceed? “Sod off” sounds like a decent response. Also laughter.

  2. Man fuck that I wouldn’t be nice about it, you’ve been nice about it multiple times. “Until you personally earn an MD, I absolutely do not care about your uninformed opinion of my life long disease.”

    Source: I have an autoimmune condition as well. There’s no cure for it, that’s why it’s considered a *chronic* disease and not an *acute* sickness.

  3. I would watch out for other strange ideas to crop up, because a lot of those “carnivore” influencers also have some suuuuuuuper gross ideas about gender. The misogyny gets really thick really quickly.

  4. Well he’s clearly insane.

    Perhaps give him an ultimatum, that if he ever voices those insane ramblings around you, you’re outta there. That is, ofc, if the gout won’t kill him first..

  5. God he sure must be pretty because clearly you’re not dating him for his brains.

    Honestly, the guy sounds infuriating to deal with. I’d either try one last time to explain that you’re not wanting him to fix anything and that you’re happy with how things are. Explain that you want a relationship where the other person can just be there for you and not be obsessed trying to fix things. And if all else fails, go the route that someone else recommended and give him an ultimatum to stfu about this.

  6. But … You never noticed that he was dumb? Cause that’s the only reason i can see to believe in this without any scientific proof whatsoever, not even researching what the auto immune disease is.

    He sounds stupid, i’m guessing he has other traits that balance that, but stupid people tend to insist on them being right. He won’t leave you alone with it all. He is putting your health at risk with all the anxiety his behaviour is bringing and it’s gonna pile up every time…

  7. He doesn’t even have the excuse of being young, dumb and inexperienced. Might take a little bit of work but maybe find sources for the diet you should have, and/or evidence relating to your autoimmune flare ups? Adding knowledge may help him understand, rather than one (mostly incorrect) source.

  8. Babe, I appreciate your concern for my disease, but wish that you would just be supportive instead of touting solutions derived from what you hear on youtube videos. Its not okay. The next time you feel like telling me what to eat, just keep it to yourself.

    Playing Devil’s advocate here, make sure that you do your best to educate him and keep him up to date on what you are doing to help your disorder. And tell him specifically what he can do help.

    For example, if you’ve never consulted a doctor about it then your partner is going to feel justified in offering stupid but well-meaning advice. Its painful to see someone suffer without being able to help. Even if its just to rub your feet before bed, that gives him something to focus on.

  9. Well, you have already talked to him but he and his YouTube doctor know best!

    Sit down with him and say, I know you care for me and want me to be well, I understand. However, I have a doctor and she has given me her best medical advice. In addition, I have asked you not to mention my food and eating habits because it stresses me. Stress can and does affect my body in a very negative way. I am asking you with all due respect, please let me and my doc handle this and please stop talking about my food and eating habits.

    You might want to mention protein toxicity. Eating only steak and drinking water will screw you up major.

  10. Ask him to provide hard copies of his personal medical certificates and research papers on the subject. When he can’t provide them, say “then you’re not an expert. I’ll stick with them. Youtube is NOT a source and is hardly factual. You’re free to have your opinions but NOT to shove them down someone’s throat who doesn’t need or want them, so keep it to yourself from now on.” And stick to it. At this point, if he knows it triggers you and still does it, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

  11. All eating meat & salt for a week will do is clog your colon & probably cause some water retention.

    The bigger issue besides him being a medical illiterate with a youtube medical degree is that he is not respecting your very reasonable boundary that he stays out of this.

    Most of the “how do I convince my significant other to stop x,y,z” posts have one answer. The way you get someone to stop something is to tell them. If they won’t stop then they are showing you who they are.

  12. He is an asshole.

    Any person (who isn’t a doctor prescribing a diet, in case that needs to be added) who tries to coerce other adults into eating things they don’t want is a massive dick. Is it really that hard not to be emotionally manipulative?

    People are so annoying about food. Like it’s their right to control other’s eating habits.

  13. I can really sympathise with this. My partner (33M) went through a “carnivore” phase too. I’m a scientist so this was very frustrating for me. The way we dealt with it in our relationship was to set a hard boundary not to comment on each other’s diet, and we both stuck to it. I think that’s the only way forward. Eventually, he realised he was missing nutrients and started eating vegetables again.

    As for your autoimmune disease, I’m really sorry you have to deal with that. The actual mechanisms behind most autoimmune diseases are still unknown so most can’t be treated, which of course leaves it open for people to suggest all sorts of half-baked theories about what might “cure” you. It really sucks that your bf doesn’t understand this and doesn’t respect you enough to realise that if you’ve been dealing with this disease for 20 years you probably know better than him. My advice is to set a hard boundary on this topic and if he can’t respect it, I’d be rethinking the relationship

  14. I mean not to completely discount what he is saying and I’m not saying that is why you got your disease, buuuttttt… as African countries have started to adopt more western diets (fast foods/high in saturated fats etc) they are experiencing autoimmune diseases for the first time in those countries. And scientists are attributing it to western diets, currently.

  15. I have UC. My mum has Chrones. (Thanks mom for these genetics).

    I can’t stand listening to these sort of people try and explain how it was caused. Even had one colleague tell me it was bad energy caused from childhood trauma and that I needed Reki or whatever that magic healing shit is.

    I find fasting from 8pm to 1pm makes a world of difference. I also cut out refined sugar and caffeine which were triggers for me. But i still have some bad days. Certainly not caused by vegetables. Your partner is probably stuck glued to an echo chamber that bounced off a joe rogan podcast.

  16. To be fair, a carnivore diet has been helpful for people with certain autoimmune diseases. I’m not saying it would help in your case, but for some people it has.

    Sounds like he’s just trying to help and wants the best for you. Sometimes people try to help but don’t realize what they are doing is actually making the situation worse. If you’ve communicated how frustrated it makes you, then he should stop mentioning it

  17. Okay—but have you tried various different diets to see how it affects your flare ups? There IS evidence, in SOME people, of these auto-immune diseases being far worsened by certain food sensitivities. A common one is gluten.

    Jordan Peterson, a professor and self-help advocate from Canada (a controversial figure) talks a lot about how his daughter’s auto-immune condition has improved as a result of a severely restricted diet (only red meat)… so much so that he also does it now.

    I personally have a lactose intolerance. It causes migraines, and neck pains, and dark circles under my eyes.

    I understand why you would be annoyed by this nagging. But I also wonder why, if not just to make him stop, you wouldn’t try it?

  18. Tell me you don’t know basic biology without telling me you don’t know basic biology. Then to pretend he knows more than a doctor about how you should manage your illness. What a moron and why are you dating such an idiot

  19. Your boyfriend is an idiot.

    You’ve told him that you don’t want him to comment on your diet. It’s time to make that a boundary by telling him the consequences if he doesn’t shut up.

    I eat meat. I‘ve heard of carnivore diet, but just as with all diets there are pros and cons. He can eat whatever he wants, but if he starts to give out advice, he should read up on studies. And not take all his information from a source whose bias is in the frickin’ name!

  20. You’ve already communicated to him and he doesn’t listen. You could give him ONE more chance where he comes along to a doctor visit and spouts his BS views if that’s possible.
    But if he’s this hard headed then you need to consider what will improve your health. Hint: dropping the trigger.

  21. If you eat red meat after going a long time without them it’s more than likely you’ll experience the transcendent sensation of phantom knives stabbing you repeatedly in the gut. 0/10, don’t recommend.

    I also don’t recommend staying with someone who thinks he knows more about your body than you because he watched some videos from YouTube.

  22. Girl! He’s repeatedly crossing your boundaries by raising this when you’ve said that it’s triggering. He’s also ignoring medical advice and spouting controversial garbage.

    I’m coeliac which is an autoimmune disease triggered very directly by food. There are a large number of triggers I can’t eat in addition to that. My partner not only goes out of his way to find ways to cook creatively for me but he also is happy to keep a completely gluten free kitchen and rarely eats gluten himself when we are out together so that we can still safely kiss etc.

    Is your bfs behaviour a weird quirk for him, or kinda in line with the rest of the things he does? Eg – the carnivore diet is generally correlated with mysogyny and outdated ideas about gender. Does he pull his weight with cooking and cleaning? Does he take care of you when you’re sick?

    If this man isn’t nurturing and supporting you then he is going to be sucking your energy and bringing you down, rather than energising you and lifting you up. Life is too short to have a dead weight boyfriend AND a chronic illness.

    But if you’re not yet sure you want to dump his ass, you could always try speaking his language by pointing out that bro influencers acknowledge that meat is really difficult for even “healthy bodies” to adjust to. When starting the carnivore diet Joe Rogan said,

    > The explosive uber diarrhea stopped around 2 weeks in. It’s been totally normal last two weeks

    If it gave Joe Rogan the shits for 2 weeks what would it do to you??

    And if he keeps insisting on trading in your diet then you should really consider trading in your bf instead

  23. Everyone has different body chemistry & Foods react to everyone differently. My personal advice is seek a specialist that can run a blood test on enzymes ect to get to the root of the problem. Too many ppl are consumed by what they watch , that it has gotten ridiculous. Do your own research and read what reviews were left for physician, and see who fits your needs best . Hope you figure out the issue and feel better. Your BF needs to chill .

  24. You’re not compatible because you have no respect for him. He’ll dump you soon, or break up with him. No worries. He might be wrong about diet, he might be right. Many people find benefits from the carnivore diet. There’s evidence Genghis Kahn’s army was so powerful because they are only meat, could go longer without eating, healthier teeth etc. There’s just not one right answer for how all of humankind should eat. Your boyfriend would very very well be wrong about your diet, but he’s offering advice from a good place and you have no respect for him and think he’s stupid. My husband is considering carnivore, and I’d never ever personally, but if he does his own research and determines it’s best for him, I support him. If you respected your boyfriend, you’d listen, and maybe just say it doesn’t sound right for you. Now you’re laughing at him and calling him stupid online, like no one ever had an issue with a doctor.

    There’s 7 billion people or whatever, find someone you respect. Don’t just tell anyone different they are stupid.

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