Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy bf has “trapped” me into our relationship

My bf has “trapped” me into our relationship

I (24F) have been in a relationship with my bf (27M) for 6 years. Two years ago my grandparents passed, leaving me a small inheritance and the option to purchase their home. I purchased their home using my savings and used the inheritance towards renovating. I gave my bf the option to buy in as I felt obligated too, however he declined so we agreed on him paying half the mortgage which he was more than happy with – he earns $60 an hour, the mortgage is $120 a week.

I’ve paid for some “big” renos, like a new kitchen and wall removal but I’ve tried to do as much DIY as possible. My partner has no interest in helping besides carrying the odd pain tin for me here and there. My next DIY project is flooring.

Last week I came home from work to find my bf at the front door, he greeted me and told me had a surprise. He blindfolded me and walked me inside. He paid to have flooring professionally installed as a gift, he also posted it on FB as a bit of a humble brag about how good of a bf he is. I was shocked but grateful.

Today I received an email from him, it was a 10k invoice for the flooring. I was confused and called him. He told me this is what I owed him for the flooring, he will no longer be paying $60 a week I can take that out of the 13k and he’d like at least $300 payments a week. I mentioned the fb post and about it being a gift, but he ignored me. I got home on my lunch break and spoke to him about it in person, he said he felt I was being distant and was going to leave him, but because I own him this money and can’t get a loan to pay back in full I’ll have to stay with him until I pay it off?

I’m so hurt and confused. He is right in the fact that I don’t want to get a loan, as he suggested the idea a few weeks ago but the interest I would pay back wasn’t worth it. I will struggle to pay him back $300 a week. To make matters worst the flooring is the opposite to what I was looking at and he knows it.

Where do I go from here?

View Reddit by anonymousposter10View Source



  1. Nice, he publically exposed it being a gift. He sealed his own case.

    Use the proof and kick the asshole out. Don’t mention his proof, just print it/save it etc.
    Use it when necessary.

  2. If you want out of the relationship, just kick him out. Call the police if you have to. Tell him to sue you for the money. And if he does, countersue him for doing work to YOUR house that his name isn’t attached to and that you didn’t want. Also, screenshot the blackmail texts

  3. Honestly I would call a lawyer, break up with him, and take him to court for the charge. You said he did not buy in on the home, and only pays you half the mortgage. That means he is not an owner of the home. Which gives him no legal right to renovate it without your consent. This would probably be an easy win for you. For now document everything. Take screenshots of the Facebook post saying it’s a gift. Try to record a conversation of him repeating that it was a way to get you ti owe him money, call the flooring company and ask for the bill, and the name of who called them etc.

  4. “He paid to have flooring professionally installed as a gift, he also posted it on FB as a bit of a humble brag about how good of a bf he is. I was shocked but grateful.”

    This man does not know the definition of gift. And he had the audacity to brag about it on Facebook, fully knowing he was going to make you pay for it? And this isn’t the flooring you even wanted?

    Something isn’t right here. Did he maybe get cheap flooring installed and make up a number, so that he’s keeping some for himself? …He really just did all this to try to force you to stay with him? Girl, RUN!

    Keep all contact about the floor, take screenshots about him bragging about doing the flooring for you as a gift, keep messages that make it clear it was a gift. Post on Reddit’s LegalAdvice for assistance/confirmation on what to do from there. Do not pay him a single CENT. Start the eviction process. Dump the sketchy, manipulative jackass.

  5. Do not under any circumstances pay him a fucking dime. This is so manipulative.

    1. He doesn’t own the home and had no legal authority to contract home renovations without your knowledge.

    2. He did not discuss this with you. There was no agreement that he pay for the floor in exchange for reduced rent. You don’t do someone a favor then invoice them.

    3. He explicitly, publicly stated it was a gift. Again, you cannot surprise someone with a gift and then claim they owe you.

    4. He intentionally “gifted” you an item you cannot return. If he purchased an expensive piece of jewelry or a furniture set you could presumably return those and call it a wash. He knows there is no way out for you and is using that to manipulate you.

    5. You don’t owe him shit and you don’t “have” to do anything. You certainly should not give him a cent, and make it explicitly clear you never agreed to this and you do not accept it. He chose to spend $10K without your knowledge and that’s on him.

    6. Interesting how since he also lives there, he gets the benefit of having a professional floor installed without the inconvenience of living on a sub floor for however long it would take to remodel it yourself. Tearing up existing flooring and installing a new one is laborious and time consuming. This was a gift to himself.

    7. How do you know he paid $10K? Have you seen the actual invoice from the company? Did you call the company yourself and confirm the total?

    Honestly you sound a little bit passive and naive simply for the fact that he’s gotten you to question whether or not this is appropriate. It’s not. You should have literally laughed him out of the house when he told you this. Then kicked him out for making such a huge decision with **your** house without your permission.

    The fact that you appear to genuinely believe you “owe” him and that because of this invoice you can’t break up with him is astounding. It’s like if someone broke into your house and said “Well since I’m inside I live here now so you just have to deal with me forever!” and you go “Hmmm well I’m not sure guys does he have a point??”

    Like, no. No to all of this. Tell him via text (so there’s a written record) that he did not have your permission to hire a contractor, that you never discussed or agreed to him paying lower rent, and that you are absolutely not reimbursing him for the floor. Tell him he will continue to make his normal rent payments and he can consider this his official 30 days notice to vacate.

    He has absolutely no grounds to get any money from you. A judge would laugh him out of the courtroom. This guy is completely manipulating and taking advantage of you and you need to get him out of your home and break up. He must think you’re a complete idiot if he genuinely believes you’re going to pay him. He’s out of his goddamn mind.

  6. Girl what the hell???? This is manipulative as f*ck. “Where you go from here” is straight to a lawyer to work out if there’s any legal basis whatsoever to your boyfriend attempting to invoice you for this, and then you kick his ass out. He’s been paying towards your mortgage so he may have tenants rights, but the house is in your name so thankfully he has no claim to it.

    Seriously, you need to focus on getting out of this relationship with as little financial and legal damage as possible. The guy spent $10K of YOUR MONEY on something he then bragged about being a “gift” to the rest of the world, and freely admits he did so in order to stop you from leaving the relationship (even though you hadn’t said you wanted to). This guy is NOT a healthy, stable partner. Get out ASAP and protect your money.

  7. Go speak to a lawyer. Show the FB post as proof that you did not even enter into a verbal agreement with him about the floor. This is exactly the same as someone buying you a car, not telling you, and then billing you for it.

    When you know your rights and obligations, break up with him.

  8. I’m going to try to approach this from the angle of your feelings. Starting with your title, let me say he has not trapped you. He thinks he has, and he expects that, like an animal in a bear trap you only have the choice of staying in misery or chewing off your limb. He is counting on you staying. Do not do this. This only proves he will use any method(s) at his disposal to control you in the future.

    You sound like you kind of feel responsible for paying him because that’s what he’s done to you. Let’s address that. He got flooring you didn’t want and spent money you didn’t want to in order to control you. None of it is your responsibility. And if you think you will feel guilty about this, know that 10k is well earned by you for putting up with his bs anyway. So, do not feel like you are taking him for 10k, feel like he owed that to you for trying to screw you over anyway.

    To the practical: change the locks as soon as he leaves. He’s not on the house deed, can’t prove he lives there, the cops will say it’s a domestic matter and at most will let him collect some of his stuff. Talk to a lawyer about the 10k and how to defend against that. Take screenshots, like everyone said. Prepare to defend yourself in court, but know that expense is simply a life lesson.

    I’ve said it on Reddit before and will,say it again: if I, an internet stranger can believe you deserve better, please believe that for yourself!

  9. Don’t pay him a dime, let him know you don’t appreciate being manipulated, break up and give him whatever notice your state requires to evict him from your home. Keep any proof that you didn’t authorize the flooring and go to a lawyer if he tries to take anything from you or retaliate.

    I know this is probably not what you’ll do but I really wish you would! What an awful thing to do to someone you supposedly love. Love can and should be so much better than that.

  10. Save that fb post in every way possible for legal purposes later.

    And just dump him. This is insane! He’s insane, and manipulative as hell!

    You should do a consult with a lawyer as well!

    You are not trapped. It might be a PITA but you’ll be better off in the long run far away from him!

  11. u/anonymousposter10 You’re not as hopeless as you think, OP! You don’t owe him any money, because he chose to do the work on your house without your consent, which is illegal. All of the emotional blackmail in the world won’t change that! Get the invoices from the builder showing the work was paid for using your boyfriend’s account, and use it as grounds to evict him per the laws and regulations of your area. Talk to a lawyer and find out what your next steps should be for evictions. This is completely within your right, so do it, and as soon as he leaves install new locks and security cameras inside and outside. Don’t let this man further take over your life!

  12. Get a lawyer. They can advise you on how to get outbid this and how to get rid of him. There are laws about how you should go about evicting people. It will cost you some money but you don’t want to become further entangled with him.

  13. Speak to a lawyer both with any rights he has to the property and to start eviction. And never look back.

    You didn’t sign an agreement with him. You owe him nothing.

  14. You need to take screenshots of the FB brag immediately and keep multiple copies. Next, you need to go see a lawyer. Basically, he gifted you the flooring without you asking for it so you own it outright. You don’t owe him anything.

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  16. If it’s a gift he can’t invoice you for anything. He’s counting on you to think you are owing him. Service with a 30 day eviction notice and tell him that he can take you to court for the flooring. If you have proof it was a gift save it

  17. Legally you can make him remove the flooring at his cost since you never approved it and his name isn’t on the house. Call a lawyer, break up with him, get him out of your house.

  18. He thinks he can trap you with some flooring? He’s a dumb bitch. Print the evidence you have and talk to a lawyer. Don’t be silly, he can’t coerce you into staying in a relationship in this manner, he’s being ridiculous.

  19. This man is attempting to maipulate you into staying with him. If you weren’t going to break up with him. You should now. This IS NOT NORMAL, and he’s showing very controlling / toxic behavior.

    That being said you probably have a lot of legal standing. Find a lawer, document EVERYTHING, and write up a eviction notice.

    He seems off his rocker. I would see if a friend or someone else could come live with you, and make sure the eviction process goes smoothly. I have a feeling the legal process will be the easiest part of this break up.

    Watch out for more manipulation tactics. They will be HURLED your way.

  20. It was a gift. By law he cannot do that. Tell him under no certain circumstances are you laying a dime. It was not a loan and you have proof. You also have proof of what he has been paying. If he tries anything take him to court or at least call an attorney. He needs to move out.

  21. My advice is to break up with him immediately.

    You do not owe him any money. You have no financial obligations to him. He paid for the flooring himself and you never authorized it. You don’t need a lawyer unless he takes you to court, which is highly unlikely and he wouldn’t win a civil suit anyways.

    If you have any texts from him about this, save them. Email them to yourself today.

    Lock your credit, hide your cards and jewelry, change your passwords with all financial institutions. He will likely try to “take what’s owed,” a.k.a. steal money from you.

    He likely has a right to a 30 day notice. If he hems and haws about not wanting to move out immediately, Google the laws in your area so you can properly serve him with a 30 day eviction notice with a proper paper trail. Without a rental agreement, whether or not you can evict him immediately as a guest (rather than a tenant) depends on your local laws.

    If he must stay for awhile, take pictures of everything, email them to yourself, and inform him that you’re doing so to dissuade him from damaging your property.

    If he becomes at all violent or scares you, call 911 immediately and get a copy of the police report. It could help you evict him faster.

    Change the locks the second he’s gone.

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