Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy bf treats me like a little girl

My bf treats me like a little girl

My boyfriend is just a couple of years older than me. It shouldn’t really make the difference, but since the very beginning he enforced the “parent-child” sort of role in the relationship.

At first I found cute how he worried about me and wanted to keep me safe. I still have no problem with that part, but I’m very offended by the rest of it.

Honestly, I get a little tired of how the only thing he praises me for is being willing to support him in his future projects. He always says that I’m so innocent despite knowing that I lived very messed up things in these past years and that I’m not that innocent, so to say. Besides, in the very beginning of our relationships, in each of our first times (kissing, touching, sexual activities, etc…) he always implied that it was my first time. He knows I had a partner before and that I’ve done all those things.

I tired of being infanticed. All my hobbies or preferences are just childlike to him. It sounds silly, but when I told him that I listened to the Smiths and liked Albert Camus he told me those are just “child interests” that I’ll grow eventually out of and start being interested in other things.

What made me kind of lose it today was when I was in class and I sent him a message. He responded, but then texted: “Are you using your phone in class?” And I told him I was allowed to. He said that I should concentrate.

I think he doesn’t do this with bad intentions but I’m sick of it. I already have parents and I don’t need someone putting new rules for me when I’m already grown.

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  1. Just end it, seriously. This guy doesn’t respect you and it’s kind of (really) creepy how he insisted that you were “innocent” when you guys first started your physical relationship. Pedo vibes if you ask me.

  2. He is who he is. If you are unhappy with him, you should end the relationship and find someone else with whom you are more compatible.

    Personally, I would find him extremely irritating, so I understand why it bothers you. But you are unlikely to be able to change him. Accept him as he is, then decide if he’s the right guy for you to date or not.

  3. Ok I’m just a stranger on the internet so obviously take my ‘advice’ with a massive grain of salt. But I would break up with him if it was bothering me that much but I know you probably have strong feelings for him (duh) so I would sit him down and talk about it first and see if he can change before making any final decisions.

    Think about the future – if you guys get married or have kids or any really major life changes. You’re going to be constantly undermined. If this behavior gets out of hand, you may get worn down and lose your independence. It happened to my mom. She ended up not being able to have a job and getting major anxiety when doing anything by herself because her actions were always being judged/undermined/laughed at/trivialized.

    Who knows if it will get that out of hand, I don’t want to scare you. But on the bright-side, talking about this with him might have some awesome results! You’ll be able to witness if he’s a good listener, who’s willing to change and apologize etc.

    Best of luck to you!

  4. Yeah, this is giving me the ick. Not kink shaming but if that’s his thing he should have negotiated that into your relationship prior. If it isn’t a kink and he legit thinks of you as a child then that’s just insulting. You are an adult fully capable of interfacing with the world without his paternal condescension. I’d be having some big talks with him and even suggesting therapy to help deal with his perception of reality.

  5. You should break up with him because he dares criticize The Smiths. Joking. Kinda.

    Seriously, he sounds pretty annoying, but the innocence part is creepy. If you hadn’t said he’s only two years older than you, I’d have thought there was a big age gap and he was a creep preying on you.

  6. > I think he doesn’t do this with bad intentions but I’m sick of it

    So tell him you’re sick of it.

    “It’s insulting and hurtful when you call the things I’m interested in ‘child interests’. I don’t need you policing when I use my phone. You need to stop doing these things.”

  7. Have you talked to him about this? If not you should so you start establishing that you’ve brought this up. Because if things don’t change you’ll have those instances to point to.

    If this doesn’t improve, break up with him. This feels creepy and manipulative. Hopefully, he realizes that and is willing to work on it, but if he doesn’t, that’s a massive red flag. He is, in his head, making you something you’re not and that’s not okay.

    There are guys that come on here talking about how frustrated they are that they can’t find virgin girlfriends, this guy has non-consensually and perhaps subconciously roleplayed himself into that same thing in a way.

  8. Ask yourself if you can see yourself living like this for the rest of your life. If you’ve had a conversation about how this upsets you and he isn’t willing to work on it, then that’s what you can look forward to.

  9. He sounds like The Plague, seems like it’s time to be a Stranger. [Bad Albert Camus joke]

    But this kinda a major personality trait of his and not just something like being forgetful or a lil messy, etc that is easier to tolerate. And the whole bit about talking about how innocent you are and falsley saying everything is your first time, reeks of some creepy fetish.

  10. Is this the same bf that made comments about your body and criticizes everything you do? From the deleted post a couple months ago? If so, please break up with him already for your own good. So many red flags it’s insane.

  11. God he sounds insufferable and weirdly controlling. I’m not sure i could take that in a relationship. I’d be hightailing it out of there. Sounds like he doesn’t respect you… what if you don’t “grow out of it”, it sounds like he’s got some image of you changing FOR HIM and this is definitely not onlycondescending but manipulative and controlling. There are people out ther who would treat you better than this. I wouldn’t tolerate this behavior at all…. Imagine how it going to be once you’re married “and you should behave like wife” or when you have kids… Hells No. This sounds like it isn’t going to end well at all.

  12. He care about u. Its like sibling relation even the difference in age is small its noticiable as u are a teenager(assuming u both are) and they change relly quick i have some friends junior to me when i talk to them i go into flashback that i was the same but i grew out of it, seriously u don’t even know that feeling that’s why u feel like he is treating you like a little girl but seriously he knows better don’t think much of it.

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