That sounds selfish and materialistic, I already know, trust me. But I need to vent and I want advice.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. In that year, he has not gotten me one gift besides a $75 photo shoot for our 1 year anniversary. Which I had to pay in advance and he paid me back. Anyways, I’m trying to not sound materialistic but I am so tired of this. I got nothing for my birthday last year, nothing for Christmas, nothing for Valentine’s Day, nothing for any of our “month anniversaries” before our one year, which I tried to ignore. And now again nothing for my birthday this year. I have gotten him something for each. In fact, this last birthday he had, I spent over $90 on him when I really didn’t have the money but then again, I love him so I did it anyway.
Yesterday was my birthday. I got up when he did, he wished me a happy birthday and left for work. I got up, showered, got my tire on my car replaced then drove around and got all of my birthday freebies and saw some family. He got home about 5pm and i suggested we went to dinner because I had coupons so we could both eat for free (I had a birthday coupon and rewards I was willing to use on him). I was expecting some kind of gift for my birthday because I have gotten him one for every occasion that one was expected. Well I asked him about it and he said he just got paid today so we could go after dinner to Walmart or something and I could pick something out. I’m not too keen on picking out my own birthday gift because I’m indecisive, but I was okay with it. We finished dinner and he ended up using the rewards for take out then he got something else for $20 dollars. My meal was free so he was still just paying for himself.
We went to Walmart after, and I was walking around pointing stuff out. The most expensive thing I pointed out was $30 and he just kept saying “there goes all my money” and it was annoying so I stopped pointing stuff out. He would then ask ”are you gonna choose something”. I was getting frustrated because I didn’t understand why I was picking out my own birthday gift. I asked if he had a limit on how much he wanted to spend and he said $15. I held my tongue, but he spent more than that on himself at dinner, and he wastes his money on video games, his scooter, everything but me. When I have spoiled him with 10x that. We walked through the card aisle, flower aisle, candy aisle, and he didn’t even bat an eye or even offer.
Eventually we agreed on a movie night instead of picking out a gift. I was annoyed but I was trying to stay positive. I asked what movie he wanted to watch and he kept saying “I don’t know” and “I don’t care” and the only relative answer I got was “nothing girly or any love movies”. I was so frustrated at that point I said never mind and we went home. We’ve been having issues recently and he even told me he would put more effort into our relationship.
Im not mad he didn’t get me a birthday present or that he didn’t pay for my dinner. Hell I’d even be happy with a handwritten note on a piece of notebook paper. I’m mad because he didn’t even put any thought into a gift. We’ve been together over a year and he just said he “didn’t know what to get me”. It hurts that I always put so much thought into his gifts even when I’m not sure what he wants yet he can’t even get me a card.
My sister ended up taking me out at 10pm and she bought me flowers, candy, and a candle and held me while I cried. I just wanted him to put thought into a gift.
>“there goes all my money”
>
>”are you gonna choose something”
>
>“I don’t know” and “I don’t care”
>
>“didn’t know what to get me”
>
>“nothing girly or any love movies”
If I were you at this point, I would be straight up asking him if he even liked me. If spending time with you is such a chore and he can’t be arsed to do the bare minimum to make you feel appreciated, then he doesn’t appreciate you.
I hate to say it, but there are a lot of guys who don’t bother to look for women they actually enjoy spending time with. They absorbed the message growing up that girlfriends/wives are demanding, nagging, pains in the ass that they have to put up with to get sex. So they get with the any girl they’re physically attracted to and that accepts them, and just suffer through life and treat any request for affection, time, thought, etc…. as an annoying chore that they do their best to get out of, or begrudgingly get through with as much complaining as possible.
There are guys out there who will actually enjoy spending time with you. You could find one of them instead. It’s only been one year, you don’t have to waste any more time with him.
It’s not about the gift. You wanted to be thought of and there is nothing wrong with that.
He sucks.
To me it seems like he doesn’t particularly value you. If you have given him gifts on all of the special occasions and he hasn’t given you one at all there is something off. Surely after you had got him something for Christmas he would have thought to get you something for your birthday or valentines day? Did he ever mention how you’ve given him expensive gifts and he hasn’t gotten you any?
Relationships are hard and you need to keep putting effort into them for both parties to feel happy. It sounds like you’re putting in all of the effort and he is putting in none. The fact you have had a discussion and he told you he was going to put more effort into the relationship but he still hasn’t, is telling. Birthdays, Christmas, Valentines, Anniversarys are all times when you want to show the other person how much you care about them by giving them gifts. His excuse of not having the money is ridiculous because you can get flowers for a couple quid and a card for 50p. To me it sounds like he just cannot be bothered and doesn’t see it as something important.
I recommend that you tell him bluntly how it has made you feel, so he knows. Do not worry about hurting his feelings as he needs to hear it honestly and truthfully since he has been hurting you all this time. See if he does anything after you have told him in the next week or so and if he has a brain he will go out and get you something to show he has listened. If he doesn’t make any changes or show any effort in a couple of weeks max, I think it is best to end it because he won’t change and how he views you has been made very clear and you deserve so much better then that! No one should have to beg their partner to give them a little gift on special events when you yourself have been spending a lot of money on him during those times!
this was my ex, “i don’t know what you like” after 7 years lol just dump him. you would be so much better off
It’s not about the gift, it’s about him putting in a bit of fucking effort in your relationship sometimes. Even without money, he could have written a song/poem, made you a fancy dinner and favourite pudding, a blanket under the stars with music to dance too etc
This guy is doing the less than the bare minimum and had you not mentioned it he would have not even suggested Walmart.
Please give yourself a good b-day present and dump him.
The bar is so low these days he could just step over it, but still refused. The only question I have is why do you put up with that. Just dump his cheap ass
Serious question, why are you with someone who clearly doesn’t value you at all?
Dang.. even bad boyfriends pick up some scratch cards and flowers
Leave honey.
I see so many women in my mothers group crying every holiday and birthday. It doesn’t change. It’s not about the gift it’s about the effort and he put absolutely no effort all year.
Do you really want to be 10 years in and still go to sleep on your birthday and feel disappointed?
It’s not the gift. Your bf doesn’t consider you at all. Even the one gift he got you, you paid for in advanced. I never expect gifts from people but I love when friends will get me card and such. I guess you have to decide if you want to be with someone that can’t put in the bare effort
I was in the same situation… he didn’t get me a Christmas gift and used that same reason “I didn’t know what to get you and I feel bad now”. Literally told me that on Christmas Eve… like he could have asked. I took it in stride because I didn’t want to be perceived as materialistic and the next year I made sure to tell him a few things that he could choose from, all really cheap because I was making it easy for him. He also told me he had a request for his gift, he wanted a 400$ gun. I was like… ok. I got him his gun and he still didn’t get me a gift. I wanted a part for my vehicle from pick and pull which was 50-70$. He said he would go when it was warmer. But I got nothing. Then it was his birthday and he made another request that he wanted a few shirts so I got him a gift card and went shopping with him to spend it. And a few weeks later it was my bday and I got nothing because “he’s broke”. He also spent all his money on food, weed and his vehicles. It was the last straw for me because it is common knowledge to get a gift for someone you love. It unfortunately took me too long to pull the plug and I wasted years of my life that could have been the best years of my life. Hopefully you ditch this loser because I found my prince right afterwards when I wasn’t even looking. The only regret I have is being too patient, accommodating, understanding to that fool for so long when I should have realized a caring partner wouldn’t want you to feel sad or bad on special occasions.
He doesn’t give a shit about you
Damn where do all these women keep finding these lame dudes? It’s the the thought that counts. He didn’t even do the bare minimum then takes it out on you when you point at a 30$ item. Let me guess though on his birthday you went all out? But he couldn’t even do something nice. I think you can do better op!
Just dump that loser. You seem too nice for his lazy ass. There are plenty of great men in the world, stop wasting your youth in one sided relationships. Hope your future will be better✨
Even my asshole ex gets me a gift on mother’s day on behalf of our daughter.
He can do so much must better.
Even if he was broke he could wake you up with breakfast in bed or something.
Time to reconsider if this is really who you want to be with.
Stop buying him gifts! If he says anything reply “oh you don’t buy me gifts so i thought you just aren’t into gifts”.
It isn’t about the gift as such. It is about showing you he cares about making you feel loved and cared for.
Bottom line, he doesn’t care about gifts, he probably doesn’t care that you bought him gifts.
Your love languages are very very different, he has none and you go all out.
You want someone to show you they care about you, this guy isn’t it, you cannot change him. He had the perfect opportunity to step up and he still didn’t.
Please consider saving your energy for yourself, because it is wasted on him.
Like a lot of the comments here, I agree in that this is about thoughtfulness. Your bf doesn’t seem to put in any effort whatsoever into you. He didn’t need to buy you a lavish present, hell even a present at all. But he could’ve done a lot more than only wishing you a happy birthday.
He could’ve gotten you a card, he could’ve replaced your tire, he could’ve set up a date night for your birthday. All of these things are small gestures but at least they would mean he’s actually thinking of you. Not to mention the comments he made throughout your evening, it really seems he only cares about himself.
But I do have to put this out there, you could have communicated with him about this. You could have told him your expectations on gift giving and when it’s appropriate. It’s okay to want presents and it’s okay to express that. This could’ve saved you a lot of frustration and heartache.
If, however, you did communicate that with him; then it’s entirely by his own selfishness. And personally I would no longer be with someone like this.
What you’re asking for doesn’t sound unreasonable at all. My husband and I are trying to put a lot away into savings so we usually set limits for birthday and Christmas presents but have decided that we will not do gifts for Valentine’s Day or our Anniversary and instead for our Anniversary will maybe go out for a meal. It might be worth sitting down with your boyfriend and having a conversation like this so you are not always the person spending more and therefore feeling like the only person making any effort. It sucks that your birthday was like that, your sister sounds lovely and the candle, candy and flowers gift was very thoughtful from her.
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Dude, your bf is as low effort as you can get. This man didn’t have to give you a gift, but damn at least He could act like you matter to him. I feel frustrated on your behalf.
I wouldn’t waste another second with this loser. Know your worth and dump his ass.
You’re not a priority. Apparently, video games and a scooter are, though. He said he’s going to work on putting more effort into your relationship, but can’t even bother to show even the slightest gesture of care towards you on your freaking birthday.
He’s not going to get better, he’s telling you (and probably himself) what you want to hear to try and push past these issues. I’d dump him, personally.
He doesn’t see the need to woo you or romance you.
The dynamic of this relationship won’t change
How old are you? This person does not care about you, and I am not sure why you are eating your time on him. The only explanation is that you are very young. Please get out and find someone who appreciates you at least a little.
Like others are saying it’s not about the gift.. he did nothing to make you feel special on your birthday. Didn’t even need to be money he could have made you dinner or made you a card or literally anything. He did less than the bare minimum. You do with that info what you will.
Wanting something for your birthday doesn’t make you materialistic. It just means you have standards. With everything you do you show your boyfriend that you value him. With everything he does, he shows you that he doesn’t value you.
you don’t just want him to put thought into a gift. You want him to value you, but you can’t make someone do that. No conversation you have with him will make that happen. My advice? Cut your losses. Find someone who is on the same wavelength as you. This man is not it.
Trust me when I tell you that the girl he values will not need to remind him to give her a gift. This doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you. Don’t internalize his choices. It just means that this isn’t the relationship for you.
I would spend hours on art or homemade gadgets for my ex bf. Even made him a replica pipboy from fallout. And they were always trashed, ruined, or on the floor later.
I bought him a 60$ war hammer thing he had been talking about and he got a 10$ teddy bear…
I second guessed if I was overreacting aaaaalllll the time. After I found my current bf, I realized I wasn’t at all. Sometimes it takes someone actually valuing you to realize you weren’t being valued by previous people.
Odds are if you wondering if they dont value you, than you’ll definitely be able to find someone who values you way more.
UeH that’s seriously just so inconsiderate. He makes you seem like you are a bother but he probably relies on you for so much. Girl, dump him and go out w someone who treats you right. You deserve that .
If this is how you want to spend your life, stay in the relationship. He should have been on his best behavior the first 6-12 months. So why are you with him if you put in all the effort? I understand it’s the thought that counts, not the $.
I’m lucky my husband rarely forgets anything. In fact, he is better at remembering than I am.
I kissed my share of frogs before meeting my husband. So if your boyfriend doesn’t care enough to do anything nice, then leave. Unless he has a good excuse like he is super poor or he is paying for his sick mom’s life saving medicine, he shows a real lack of caring in your first year. So don’t waste anymore time and get out now!
Thing is, if it’s a money issue, he could make a gift, pick wolf flowers, draw a picture, etc.. nothing is ridiculous.
That’s awful. I had to tell my husband not to spend so much on me lol. I’m not a jewelry girl but he was always trying to bring home nice jewelry. I’m like i get it I have a vagina- I love you so stop wasting your money lol.
Honestly your partner sounds like a drag. Spending tons on himself and not even bothering to get you a card? My 12 year old niece can do better than that. She’ll spend half the day making you a popsicle doll house.
Not to mention his constant negativity on your day. Next year I would tell him that you’re making plans for yourself and a few friends. You wouldn’t wanna make him have to spend money after all.
I stopped reading when you said he took you to Walmart that already says it all to me
there’s a difference between not caring for gifts specifically because of differences of love languages and simply not caring about making your day special at all. It sounds like he simply disregards wanting to make you feel special and cared for, on holidays where it’s common to do so. I would have a conversation, transparency is important, but I feel like for people that naturally don’t take into consideration things that conversation may go one ear out the other
I’m a man.
What I’m going to tell you will sound harsh, but as God is my witness, it’s the truth.
**He does** ***NOT*** **love you.**
If a man isn’t enthusiastic about dotting on you, spoiling you, taking care of you, and buying (or if not buying, putting SOME creative thought into a free gift like a poem, drawing, etc.)…
**…he** ***ain’t*** **that into you.**
You think he’d have the same attitude if you were the woman of his dreams? Hell no.
He would go the extra mile to make sure you have the best birthday of your life, a memorable one. He would have planned something, a getaway, vacation, extravagant dinner, ANYTHING, if not on any holiday, than at the very least your birthday.
At the same time, women like you make it hard on yourself. You ACCEPT these conditions, you CHOOSE, and you CHOOSE to stay anyway.
And yet…
You are NOT his #1. You are NOT his first, only, or best choice. You are his live in roommate he settled with to help pay the bills and get free sex, better than living in a house with a guy with no sex, eh?
That’s.
It.
What you do with this information is up to you. If you want to try and “work it out”. There is no “working it out”. Women we WANT and STRONGLY DESIRE, we pursue with PASSION from the very beginning, and we are consistent with our DREAM GIRL.
Move on. Or stay. Your choice.
Your boyfriend sounds like the absolute worst
And you’re still with him because…?
Have you bluntly explain your feelings about gifts to him. I would start there because some men need it straight forward.