I’ve (22F) been with my partner (23M) for about a year now. At the beginning of our relationship we’d have sex pretty consistently. After a while though I started noticed a trend of him getting off and then it immediately being over with which was fine occasionally but this was happening every single time we’d have sex. He also at that point had never tried giving me oral or fingering me. I brought it up to him in hopes that maybe we could add a little bit of diversity to our sex life. He ended up trying to finger me and when I didn’t finish he decided the process was too difficult. And out of supposed guilt of me not finishing during sex, he’s just stopped wanting to do it at all. I’ve tried talking about it more but I don’t feel like I can get anywhere with him about it. At this point we haven’t had sex in months. Pushing the issue further would just feel like pressuring him which is the last thing I want. It’s just starting to weigh on my self esteem and I don’t know where to go from here. Everything with us is great otherwise. I could just use some advice.
My boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore
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He’s insecure about the fact that he’s not able to get you off. If he knows other men were able, it’s damaging to his ego. Others are saying he doesn’t care which isn’t true. If he didn’t care about pleasing you, then he would still be having sex with you regardless of the fact that you never bust.
You have to talk to him about it. The current sexless situation isn’t sustainable. It won’t be an easy conversation, but you need to be open about it. If you can clearly communicate what he needs to do to please you, MAYBE he will be able to do it.
Clearly he’s insecure about it and his ego is bruised. Bringing up his sexual inadequacies is going to be really hard on him. If you can find some website or something to give tips on oral or digital stimulation, then maybe that would be easier for him to take in.
It’s not “pressure” it is communication. You need to speak with him and explain how you like it amd that you want to go on a journey of sexual exploration together.
Push the hell out of the issue, just do it Ina kind and open way
“trying” to finger you? this isn’t rocket science. this is just plain unwillingness to provide any sort of pleasure for you and lack of care for you, too. try to assess the other aspects of your relationship and you will probably see the same lack of care or willingness to do things that are just for your benefit. even if the rest is absolutely perfect (which i highly doubt tbh) there is still the fact that you are sexually incompatible and this is something that will persist throughout the entire relationship – so you have to ask yourself if you are willing to put up with this for years on end. (another thing is that he might not be into women – he s at that age when people usually figure themselves out).
Why is he so uninterested in your pleasure, and why are you letting him do it? Orgasm isn’t necessary every time for sex to be good, but if he doesn’t want the fun of sex to be a shared experience, I’d be rethinking the relationship. His lack of care in the bedroom will extend to lack of care outside of it. I’ve been there before and I’m not doing it again.
Isn’t it time to move on? …
Maybe you can incorporate toys.
He is too immature and selfish for a sexual relationship. Don’t waste your time. You are too young to deal with someone like this
Sounds like a lazy boyfriend. He must be a. Cheating or b. Pleasuring himself.
This will probably sound harsh and apologies if it does.
Move on, he’s lost sexual interest in you and what you have now is just a companionship and very selfish ( non ) sexual relationship going on.
If you want to have a deeper and more loving sexual relationship in your life ? It’s not with this person anymore.
Go and find someone that actually really wants to appreciate and please you in all ways, mind and body.
Hope you find what you want.
You may want to consider therapy. These talks are extremely delicate and can easily make things worse instead of better. Once a man feels like he can’t satisfy his woman, it can be tough (but not impossible) to keep a positive attitude. Sex then becomes an impossible challenge for him rather than a pleasurable experience. He may suffer from PE and be extremely frustrated. If I were you I’d focus on the communication element here, not just the sex. If the two of you can communicate openly and lovingly about this you have a chance of resolving it.
(I’m 19M) In my experience from the relationships that I’ve had, if you have sex too much in the beginning, you lose the general excitement factor of seeing the other person naked and having sex with them. Whether you do it fast or not, you will lose the interest eventually. It’s completely natural. You have to really love the person and choose to reignite that interest. It’s a mental thing. He’s losing interest in having sex with you, and maybe even thinking about having it with other people. I love my girlfriend, and I want to marry her. If he truly loves you, the interest will come back. It always comes back for me, and it always will. Sometimes, people just need a break for a little while to rekindle. But in my opinion, he’s lost interest with you completely and I don’t see it coming back with the way you described him.
Sit down and try to talk about your guys’ feeling. I hate to say it, but it sounds like while he may want to be in a relationship with you, he also seems like he’s ready to seek pleasure in another. I hope you guys work it out though. I wish you the best.
check his phone. might be cheating. also how much weight have you put on since you started dating?
You two are incompatible. It shouldn’t be this hard, you deserve better.
Is he on any form of medication?