A month ago i came down with a cold, i’m used to friends and family doing kind actions when you have a cold (making you tea, soup etc.) but he didn’t do any of those things. In fact he pretty much hated me the entire week i had it. After every cough he’d sigh and get visibility annoyed and sometimes tell me to shut up. Then a few days later he caught it and i cared for him while he was sick.
Fast forward to now and we’re on vacation and i’ve caught something else, My tonsils are kinda swollen and it’s making me feel really tired and making me cough again. Same thing again, no affection, attention but instead telling me to shut up when i cough and sighing and getting annoyed at me.
I guess i’m just asking why? i would never want to do something like this to him, and it’s so different than how all my other loved ones will treat me when i’m ill. Is this normal for some families is that why he does it?
So you were sick two times where he didnt help you at all and just told you to shut up? I dont want be that reddit guy but … Isn’t it obvious what you need to do? Relationships are about care and respect, you’re not getting any of those, while giving a lot.
How old are y’all?
That’s really, and I mean *really* immature of him.
I think the question is why you would still go and care for him when he was sick when he was so agitated with you being sick
It’s really not important WHY. Who cares why.
He has shown you who he is. You wanna keep dating this guy or not?
My diagnosis: he’s a dick.
That’s crappy of him if my wife is sick I tend to be more caring and do things for her and around the house etc.
He sees you as beneath him.
hes exhibiting a narcisstic trait which is hating the fact he has to care for you and that you’re the centre of the attention.
wanting to be babied and cared for but cant *stand* having to care or put someone else on a pedalstool for a little while. he feels injustice about it. which is scary.
he sounds very insensitive to you and your needs, is this somebody you wish to spend your life with?
Do you want to have kids with someone who can’t even manage to give a half a shit about you when you have a cold?
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
Wow,. This guy sounds like ex- boyfriend material.
I know you care about him. But this is a glimpse of what your future looks like with him. People get sick. If you have kids, you’ll likely get sick more often. If you give birth to the kids, you will need someone to care for you afterward. What happens if you have some kind of medical emergency? What happens if you develop a chronic illness or disability? He has given you a clear view of how he handles these situations. Believe him and take it seriously.
You either need to have a serious series of conversations, possibly do couples counseling. Or you need to leave. You deserve someone who will do what they can to care for you when you’re down. At the very very least, you deserve someone who won’t get annoyed or frustrated, or have the audacity to tell you to shut up.
I am chronically ill and disabled, and I have a compromised immune system. I have been with people like your boyfriend. It’s not an acceptable way to treat your partner. Even when we’re both sick, my partner and I do everything we can to help each other out, even if that’s just sharing space and offering comfort. You deserve compassion and care, and your boyfriend has very clearly told you that it is not something he can offer you at this time.
If I was sick I wouldn’t necessarily expect anybody to take care of me (I get cranky when I’m ill and just want to be alone) but I wouldn’t even put up with a FRIEND telling me to shut up when I’m coughing and miserable, I wouldn’t put up with it from a COWORKER, much less an intimate partner. He’s supposed to care about you and care for you — if he doesn’t, what even is the point of having him in your life?
You’re asking why he does this. It’s because he cares about himself, and not you. He’s annoyed that your illness is inconvenient for him personally and he doesn’t care at all how you feel. That’s about it.
I’m sorry this is the biggest red flag and you should not ignore it. I understand you probably really love this person so my advice might hurt you- not my intention. You should break up with him. This is a sign of worse to come. And my all means DO NOT marry this person. If he responds to you like this over a cold, he will not love and support you through pregnancy or breast cancer god forbid. You deserve a partner. This person is an asshole who most likely has a personality disorder.
What self esteem issues do you have that you are choosing to stay with someone like this
Not normal. This dude is a dick.
Even if this was normal for some “families” why would this be a family you wanted knowing there are other family norms that exist.
Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. Ever.
Your boyfriend has shown you a glimpse into your future if you stay with him.
The problem is he’s trash. Why are you settling?
You and your loved ones are the caring and empathetic sort. Your BF might have a different kind of background. Is he a germaphobe? Did he previously date someone or is someone in the family always feigning illness to get something in return?
I don’t know if it’s normal in some families, but in mine we’re always supportive of one another especially when someone is ill.
Perhaps his family is like that – you should ask him. Ask him also if he appreciated your care when he was ill, or if it really didn’t mean anything. What you should ask yourself is if you want to be with a person who will not help you feel better when you are ill.
I’d say no, it’s not normal but it certainly can become YOUR normal if you allow him to treat you that way. You sound like a nice person, so I’m sure your not trying to be burdensome. Be a nice person to yourself and recognize he isn’t worth the sacrifice if it’s only one sided. People get sick all the time, this will not be the last time you get sick while dating. God forbid you ever get something worse than just a cold, cause it doesn’t seem like he would love you in sickness and in health. Have you asked him why he becomes so distant and annoyed ?
Have you ever asked if he’s afraid of getting sick too? I think I act annoyed when around sick people because I’m a major germaphobe, I’m physically bothered by others’ sickness so I tend to stay away unless it’s non contagious. Plus, I hate the sound of coughing, I think it’s due to mysophonia. Since I don’t want to look like an AH, I just stay away. Just a different perspective, maybe you could ask him this?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as Chads, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This isn’t normal in any culture, if you truly care for someone you wanna take care of them when they’re sick, feel shitty, etc etc.
It starts with not making excuses for him and realizing you’re worth being loved and taken care of. Why do YOU think he does it? Perhaps he shows avoidant traits in other aspects of your relationship? Is the relationship otherwise great? Do you wanna feel even shittier and like a burden every time you are sick? Imagine you’re pregnant, will he be annoyed for 9+ months? Just some questions to ask yourself to see how ridiculous it is of him.
You can’t imagine treating a loved one like this? Well, normal well meaning people can’t either. So either your bf doesn’t love you or he is an absolute douche canoe. Either way, he’s not worth your time.
He’s literally showing you who he is. He’s not the one.
Comments are closed.