Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy boyfriend thinks I might be gay because of my hobby?

My boyfriend thinks I might be gay because of my hobby?

So for some background I (25F) have always been a sports fan, football, baseball but basketball has always been my favorite. When I was 19 I started dating a guy who was also big into basketball. He worked for the local NBA franchise as a water boy basically. He would often be able to get me a single ticket (very good seats) to home games. I almost always went alone, if I recall correctly over the 2 and half years we dated and the 20+ games I got to attend I only was ever able to take someone else twice. I didn’t mind going alone, if anything it made me fall in love with the game more.

Well things ended with that boyfriend and I met my current boyfriend (M31) three years ago. When we first got together it was the end of September/start of October which is the start of the NBA season. My boyfriends friends play fantasy basketball but needed another player to fill out the league. I said if they couldn’t find anyone else to play I would like to try it. They laughed I don’t think they thought I was serious but they didn’t find another player so they allowed me to join their league.

I threw myself at it. Before I just used to watch the games but then I started listening to podcasts, following reddit threads, twitter accounts, reading articles, etc. I ended getting second place that first year, although it was close. They were pleasantly surprised with my success but attributed it to beginners luck. They then invited me to play football, I won. Again, they were surprised. I wanted to try fantasy baseball and they have a league for that as well. I ended up in second place. I’ve completed four seasons in total between the three sports have either gotten first or second place each time.

Currently my boyfriend and I are playing in a fantasy football and basketball league. I’m in second in one and tied for first in the other right now. Also two weeks ago I started playing DFS (daily fantasy sports betting) and I’ve been successful. Now Reddit, here is my problem….

My boyfriend came home from work the other day and I was doing some work on computer and had Sport Center on quietly in the background. He sat me down and said he needed to ask me a serious question, am I lesbian?

I asked why he would think that. He said because of the fantasy sports! I was dumbfounded. It’s a hobby to me! He may not be into it as much as me but he has his own hobbies like working on cars and collecting action figures. I don’t get the difference?

His favorite sport is football. Before I started playing fantasy football he would watch it with me. That doesn’t happen anymore. He will no longer talk about sports with me. Like at all. He just rolls his eyes, says he doesn’t want to hear it and changes the subject. I enjoy seeing his face light up when he talks about his hobbies. I engage and ask questions, it’s cute to see him go dorky.

Before you ask, we have a good sex life. When I first got into playing fantasy sports (2ish years ago) I was also going through the process of being diagnosed with endometriosis. So I will admit there was about 8 months of little intimacy but it was because I was in pain and I feel like I was clear with him that was why. I had surgery and have been pretty much pain free since.

This happened a few days ago and things just seem “off”. He keeps making jokes about it and I don’t find them funny. I think maybe his “friends” have been making fun of him because I’ve been doing significantly better than him? Maybe I am thinking too much into it? If not, how do I go about discussing this with him further?

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  1. He is insecure probably due to you being better at this shared hobby than he is. Considering you both share this hobby, it brings a wonderful platform for you to bond over this so I would sit him down to have an honest open conversation.

    It should be addressed that his “assumption” of implying you’re gay due to your success in fantasy sports is a toxic notion. But it should also be discussed why you having fun with this has become a large point of contention for him. He shouldn’t get away with the way he’s treated you for it but I find most people respond well with explaining their poor actions when you approach them with openness and sincere concern.

  2. Ummmm – what?

    “Are you a lesbian?” because you like sports and are better at Fantasy Football and the like than he is?

    Hobbies have little to do with sexual preferences. You can be the manliest man-man in the world, and still enjoy the zen of needlepoint. You can be the girliest of girls and love ice hockey.

    It sounds like he’s threatened by your skills and analysis abilities and upset that you’re better at it than he is. Or that he has this weird (too common, sadly) gendered view of the world – that only lesbian women like sports, or only homosexual men like ballet. This is a warning sign to you. What other gendered ideas does he have?

    At the very least, it’s time to have a “cards on the table, adult-to-adult” conversation about the subject of roles and expectations. If you’re dating someone that is going to expect you to have all the household, child rearing, and social responsibilities, while he “provides” then you have every right to know about it before you sink any more time into the relationship. I mean – no shame if you want that too, but you should at least get it out into the open. And if you’re not comfortable with it – you can have different conversations.

    As others have said, it’s possible that his friends are teasing him because “a girl is kicking his ass” – but it sounds like it really bothers him, esp if he’s not talking to you about sports, or watching it with you, any more.

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That’s why it’s important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.” Maya Angelou

    Good luck, OP – and keep watching sports, as long as it makes you happy to do so. Don’t let anyone – male or female – shame you into stopping because it’s not “ladylike”. I promise you that there are thousands, no – millions, of men out there that would LOVE to have someone like you in their life, either as their friend or as a partner.

  3. Time to thank your boyfriend for showing you who he is before you wasted even more time with him.

    He’s threatened and intimidated by your knowledge of and love for sports because it somehow threatens his masculinity; so much so that he now wants to make this a “you” problem rather than a “him” problem. He won’t even talk about sports with you; likely because you know more than him. Most real men who love sports would be thrilled to have a partner who shares their excitement.

    This is never going to get better.

  4. This is a thirty one year old man and he still believes that if a woman loves and excels at sports, she must be gay? He’s absolutely making his insecurity your problem here, and his friends are distinctly misogynistic. Lots of concerning things here.

  5. He’s homophobic and also misogynistic.

    A girl can’t be better than him in his eyes. And if a girl is better than him at something then they must be gay. And then the gay part becomes a joke to make fun of them over.

    Basically he’s an insecure little piss boy and can’t stand not being in charge all the time so will drag you down in what he intends as insults.

    > I think maybe his “friends” have been making fun of him because I’ve been doing significantly better than him?

    Are they making fun of each other then for constantly losing as well?

  6. Everyone knows you can’t be good at fantasy sports *and* be sexually attracted to men. /s

    I think you’re right that this is him being insecure that you’re better at it than he is.

    Maybe he’s not very good at it because he’s gay! (/s again lol)

  7. I hate to break it to you, but you need to end things with this person. This level of insecurity (and homophobia) is pathological – it is toxic and fragile masculinity. To conclude that because you like sports, you must be a lesbian, seems like middle schooler from the 1990s reasoning. Not a full grown adult in 2022 – nevermind a full grown adult discussing their partner of 3 years. Unfortunately, people like this can easily become abusers who belittle their partner to feel better about themselves, so I do wonder whether this is the first instance of this type of behavior.

    He is showing you who he is. Believe him.

  8. >during both of the arguments after those events he pushed me down.

    He is insecure and intimidated, and abusing you rather than learning how to deal with it properly. LEAVE

    There are PLENTY of men who would view you as an absolute treasure because you loved sports. Find one.

  9. Wow, although I can’t say I know exactly what he’s thinking it really does seem like he’s feeling insecure/inferior.

    I think it’s pretty sad for him to question your sexuality knowing that you’ve had surgery that puts you in pain. The fact that he’s questioning you instead of looking at himself and asking himself “why do I feel this way!” Shows significant immaturity on his end.

    We all have intrusive thoughts (hopefully not harmful/dangerous ones) but we all would benefit from working through these things instead of projecting them onto our significant others. Not saying this in a negative way, but maybe he should see a therapist to talk through these things. I think for some people these things don’t come naturally. Not one person is the same, sometimes we do need guidance from someone totally unbiased to support our own emotional growth.

    I’m sorry he spoke out on these feelings and his basis for speaking out on these worries were so unwarranted. It would be different if he had noticed specific actions where you showed interest in other females or felt uncomfortable with your actions towards another female. This would be both a concern about your sexuality but also a concern on whether you’re faithful, but that was not the case at all. Instead he said he thinks you’re gay bc you like sports lmao. Isn’t that what most men that like sports wish? To find a girl that likes sports so they can either spend time watching together or at least talk about it?

  10. Your boyfriend is either trying to belittle you or he is an idiot. In any case, what sports or activities you like has nothing to do with your sexual preferences.

    Keep up killing it!

  11. OP I think you need to sit your man down and ask him a very serious question: Is he stupid?

    Like does this clown really think that no straight women like sports? I would mock him relentlessly for this until he drops it. Bring it up to your friends in front of him like “can you believe he thinks I’m gay because I like sports? Right?”

    He’s being an asshole. Treat him as such and see if he cleans up his clown act or if you have to leave the circus.

  12. INFO: hypothetically what lineup would you pick in a daily fantasy Sundays-only football league? This will determine the nature of my advice

    EDIT: seriously though, this is a bad dude. It’s 2022, there’s no excuse for such blatant misogyny. When you guys break up, I hope he gets kicked out of the leagues instead of you

  13. My Guess is this is an Ego thing. He talked to his “buddies” about it and they convinced him that your gay cause that’s the only way you could be doing well. I don’t think the problem only is he asked if you are Gay, it’s that he doesn’t support or stand up for you and instead lets his ego drive the conversation.

    I’m not saying “break up” but you do need to call him out on this. Doesn’t matter what your interests are, your partner should , at the very least, support that you like a hobby without second guessing you

  14. Girrrrrl there are so many men out there that would be so excited to have a girlfriend who enjoys sports. This is honestly break up worthy. Sit down and have a conversation. Is you enjoying sports a deal breaker for him? Is his lack of happiness towards your hobby a deal breaker? Also who you got niners or Arizona?

  15. Wow sorry but time to dumb this sexist jerk. I’ll be he thinks all house keeping and cooking are your job because “women are genetically better at it” or some shit. You don’t want a long term relationship with anyone who still has such ridiculous gender attitudes.

  16. Full disclosure, I’m a guy who loves sports and am happily married with someone who’s basically sort of into them. While this is nothing more than an anecdote, if she got crazy into sports including fantasy, I’d fucking love it. Wouldn’t even consider questioning her sexuality.

    Regardless, this is a weird recent thing. He asked (which is crazy), and you obviously told him no. The initial ask was absurd, but I assume we can just get past that and move on. But continued jokes? We’re talking about your boyfriend. What’s his end game?

    To be honest, if it turned out you were a lesbian, his self esteem would disappear and his friends would likely destroy him. So he should thank his lucky stars that’s not the case. I digress. Have you told him you’d like him to not talk to you that way? If not, you need to. If you have, he’s an asshole. Talk about it and go from there. Good luck.

  17. My niece was very competitive and she decided to play hockey on the boys team. She played well for many years and then decided to go into wrestling. She won every match in her weight class that she entered, and ended up winning the championship, even though she had only entered to challenge herself. She is absolutely not a lesbian and her husband is her biggest fan, whatever game she chooses to play. She just loves sports and dives in 100%. There is nothing wrong with women who love sports! Maybe your BF is jealous because you know more than him about “his” game?

  18. If women enjoy “girly” things (pumpkin spice lattes, Colleen Hoover books, Taylor Swift etc.) then they’re seen as “basic” but if women enjoy anything that isn’t seen as girly (beer, sports, etc. then they’re a “pick me” or in this case a lesbian.

    Moral of the story is that men can’t let women just enjoy things.

  19. Your boyfriend is an idiot.

    He needs to decide if he believes this and break up with you or if he needs to drop it and stay together.

    Staying together and harassing you because you don’t fit his standard idea of gender roles isn’t a viable option.

  20. You are not responsible for his insecurity.

    I feel every female here is super nice. I would just reply “yes because obviously I am dating a little pussy.”

  21. You know why you are winning this league? Because the rest of these guys are idiots. They think only testes make you like sports and be able to win in a fantasy league. You did the most basic of things: research.

    This is just the most neanderthal form of thinking. I think the topic is: women like all kinds of things, men like all sorts of things, too.

  22. Assuming this is real – it doesn’t seem sensational enough to smack of usual karma farming fiction – you boyfriend just seems like a bit of an unworldly dolt. I’m not even saying that from some namby pamby liberal DURRR SPORTS ARE FOR EVERYONE way, because I actually think it’d be funny – assuming you share that sensibility of humor – if he coyly teased you about your faux-orientation and it was an in-joke between you. But, does he think the endometriosis was an excuse to cover up you being a lesbian?

    Again, assuming the post is legitimate… you boyfriend has some issue going on. Could be some neurodivergence, could be lack of healthy dating experiences, could be he’s just an absolute moron. But, this is such a profoundly idiotic way for an adult in a relationship to think that I see nothing wrong with talking to him, treating him as basically a hostile witness, and telling him to get some fresh air and grow up. Otherwise, leave. This is shit for 14 year olds and vicariously embarassing even for a stranger reading it on Reddit.

  23. Him and his friends feel emasculated by you, you took their guy time hobby and bested them at it so they are trying to rationalize by calling you a lesbian. I can almost guarantee you his friends put him up to this by teasing him about you being one of the guys or something along those lines.

  24. He probably feels emasculated and that’s a him problem. The big problem is when men find out women like sports, they get all gate keepy and end up revealing they’re actually boys and not men at all.

    Its even worse if you end up better (in the case of fantasy sports) or more knowledgeable.

    I don’t get it.

  25. Oh please. Your boyfriend sounds insecure. I enjoy knitting and gardening. Not very traditionally masculine activities but who gives a fuck. I have heard it all before. I started because I wanted to make my own doctor who scarf. I ended up really liking it. No one complains when I make something for someone that they want.

    You be you.

  26. I can not add anything concrete (everyone else in the thread pretty much has it) but this is one of the best throwaway nicknames I’ve seen and I love it

    EDIT – not a throwaway just a good nickname

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