Saturday, April 1, 2023
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My boyfriend told me to cover up. How should I handle the situation going forward?

I went out with my boyfriend and wore a pair of long baggy jeans and a short crop top with a zip-up hoodie over it. Basically the style you’d find trending on TikTok right now. I’d worn that exact same crop top around him many times, along with other crop tops. I thought I looked cute but apparently he didn’t because he told me to go home and put a shirt on. I refused to do so because if it wasn’t an issue then, why would it be now? Plus I was wearing crop tops ever since I met him, years before even.

It resulted in another argument and I started crying again. He says I’m too sensitive though.

I’m not sure how to handle the situation. Any advice?



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43 COMMENTS

  1. Oh my GOD. Honey, let me share something with you that will change your life:

    ***You will never do anything right in this man’s eyes.***

    Do you know why? Because keeping you off balance constantly, making and switching out rules left and right, is how he’s controlling you into becoming what his idea of a perfect girlfriend should be.

    For example, good girlfriends don’t argue. So he makes any disagreement so awful that you make it a priority to avoid them. This is by design! It’s a feature, not a bug!

    And that’s some bullshit. You are not happy, and that’s because you are being treated unfairly by someone who thinks of relationships as a zero-sum game instead of a partnership.

    You can do better. Love yourself (and your crop tops!) and dump this control freak. Then go to therapy, because guys like this fuck with your head like radioactive waste fucks with your DNA.

  2. This sounds very similar to my previous relationship. The outfit you’re describing is perfectly fine and if he has a problem with that then he can go find himself a partner who idolizes his controlling ass for whatever reason and willingly dresses like a nun for him.

    I was young and stupid and allowed my boyfriend to control what I wore but it got so bad that I couldn’t do anything because he was upset about it. Here are some examples:

    * Leggings – because they’re too tight
    * Joggers/Sweatpants – because they make my ass look big
    * Skirts – because guys will try to look up my skirt even if I wore tights and shorts
    * Sleeveless tops – because guys will look at my shoulders
    * Buttoned up tops – because it gives guys access even if I wore a vest underneath
    * Tight fitting tops – because my boobs looked big

    I was basically only able to wear jeans and t-shirts but he got upset at how my ass looked in tight jeans but he thought baggy jeans looked ugly and wouldn’t go out with me if I was wearing them. Additionally to that here are some other examples of what I couldn’t do:

    * Wear makeup – because who am I trying to impress
    * Do my home/coursework – because he doesn’t want to do it right now so why am I
    * Spend time with my family – because he didn’t like them despite the fact that they did everything they could to be good to him
    * Go to a different school to him – because what if I meet someone that I’ll leave him for (I did lmao)
    * Do male dominated A-Levels (UK 16 – 19 education) – because guys despite the fact that I wanted to go into a male dominated field
    * Have a job when he didn’t – because why am I doing better than him even though he sat on his ass playing games, no school, no job
    * Have a better phone than him – because why do I have something better than him
    * Go out with friends – because why am I having fun without him
    * Have friends – because who else do I need apart from him

    Obviously your situation isn’t this intense but mine started like yours too so I suggest you watch out for things like this if you choose to stay with him. Personally I wouldn’t, I would dump him at his first controlling comment.

  3. >How should I handle the situation going forward?

    It’s my body and I’ll wear what I want. If you don’t like it you know where the door is. Preferably throw him out of it because that is some controlling ass shit that is NOT ok

  4. Hun, please run.. This is the textbook start of an abusive/controlling relationship. It’s just clothes now, later it will be what you can/cannot do with whom you can/cannot see, constantly watching what you can/cannot say. He’s testing the waters to see how far he can take this, this is the first step. Just run.

  5. Tell your boyfriend to quit being a little bitch.

    In all seriousness, he’s trying to control you. You wearing that had predated the relationship, but now that you’re together he’s acting like he’s entitled to make you change, which is not okay.

  6. >It resulted in another argument and I started crying again. He says I’m too sensitive though.

    That’s all you needed to post. I’ve heard every variation of those two sentences, and it is always an abusive relationship that ends badly. Save yourself more wasted time and pain and find someone who cares about how you feel. No one should ever respond to your tears with dismissive frustration. It shows they value getting their way more than your emotional wellbeing.

  7. He’s slowly starting to increase his control over you. I’m sure there’s probably other things he’s doing too in that regard. This stuff will start slow, then start picking up. Think the boiling the frog metaphor. This is backed up by the fact that you reacted poorly and he told you you were “being to sensitive”. He’ll say the same thing the first time he hits you.

  8. My bf also tells me that I’m too sensitive. I am on the verge of breaking up with him because of it. There’s no defense to someone telling you you’re too sensitive. It just leaves you feeling like there’s no place to go with your feelings. Tell your bf that’s not an effective way to communicate with you. You are allowed to be sensitive. If he can’t hear you on it, dump him. Seriously, who wants to be with someone who won’t let you feel your feels? It sucks. Sorry.

  9. I don’t really think a guy trying to control your dress and making you cry is a great sign

    It’s ok to request a fashion change with good reason, I think, on occasion, but it’s not ok to argue about it and get mad.

    It sounds like a cute outfit.

    Anyway. Have a talk with your guy about your body, your choice, and you won’t be controlled. And see how he takes it. It can be hard for young guys to get this concept, and for some guys it will always be impossible to understand that a girlfriend is not under their control. So working on this early in a relationship is a good idea.

    A lot of people will immediately tell you to break up, but that’s for you to decide. A bit of communication first might be an idea if he isn’t abusive or violent. He might just need some explaining and training.

  10. Read your comments real quick.

    Drop him if you cannot communicate your boundaries and he cannot respect you.

    Thats a first reason
    2nd he’s being controlling.
    Theres a difference between he doesnt like what you’re wearing and askin you respectfully if you can follow what hes not comfortable with.
    People are allowed to show their concern to their partner but if you are breaking down.
    He aint the one. Calling you sensitive is being insensitive

  11. I have to tell you that this… this is manipulation. If I told my wife, “Hey, you need to go home and change.” I did not tell her how I was feeling. I did not discuss with her about the outfit. I told her that what she’s wearing is unacceptable, irrespective of how she feels or how it is viewed and she needs to fix it.

    When someone is feeling something, in a relationship, they SHOULD be able to inform their partner, “Hey, this is what I’m feeling.” If I went to my wife and said, “Hey, so I love seeing you in that outfit. I love how confident and sexy it makes you feel, but I’m really uncomfortable with you wearing it in public. Would you please consider going home and changing out of it?” That is informing my wife how I’m feeling and asking her own opinion on the matter. That is NOT manipulation.

    The fact that he says you’re too sensitive because you started crying is him not caring about your feelings or whatever. It is perfectly acceptable and normal to cry during an argument or a discussion or what-have-you. It is NOT acceptable to tell you that you’re too sensitive.

  12. leave him. it’s clear he’s starting to feel comfortable enough with u to start showing his true colors, which honestly looks scary. first he’s going to be controlling about what u wear and it’ll only escalate from there. the only other thing could be his own insecurities that he’s projecting onto u, u can try to have that heart to heart with him again to see if there’s a deeper issue. otherwise, run. he’s showing u a snippet of who he is, believe him before u get the full picture. good luck sweets!

  13. Dump him.

    In my early 20s, I dated a guy who got upset in a restaurant when I was wearing a tank top under a flannel and a jacket because in his opinion, it was showing too much cleavage. It wasn’t. He ended being up being an awful partner in many ways and eventually admitted to me he didn’t care about me.

  14. To quote the lovely and brilliant Hannah gadsby don’t let a fart tell you as a nose that you’re too sensitive it’s not for anyone to tell you how to dress you’re not property and I would drop him with trying to control your dress and then instead of empathy and care when you’re hurt shaming you invalidating and dismissing your feelings and blaming your so called over sensitivity as if it’s not powerful to feel

  15. So he told you….

    But he has never had an issue before???

    It results in an argument and you cry… Then he says you’re too sensitive?

    So to reiterate and put it differently…

    He tried to basically ORDER you to dress how he wants you to dress. (This is controlling).

    Keeping in mind he has never seemed to have an issue before…

    When you tried to have a voice it ended up with you crying. (This is controlling).

    Then when you cry he gaslights you. (This is abusive behavior).

    Op, please exit stage left of the relationship and do not get back with him.

    You have a right to dress how you want. It is your body and your choice. If he has an issue with it, that is a him problem.

    It’s not like you were running around buck naked; it sounds like you were dressed comfortably. Yeet him.

  16. What gets me here, he’s even trying to dismiss your emotions as “wrong” after HE upset you.

    Trust me, it’ll get worse. You say he’s not abusive because he hasn’t hit you? most people think abuse comes with very clear signs that we should recognize when it happens to us. Emotional manipulation is much more insidious. It starts with small things like telling you what to wear and who to hang out with. Next thing you know he’s getting angry at *you* for catching him lying, making you question reality. Maybe he’ll move on to sleep deprivation and cutting you off from your family.

    People also think stuff like this is a specific choice, like he’s saying “I’m really going to fuck with her today.” it’s a twisted form of self defense because he doesn’t know how to communicate properly. Narcissists will refuse to see that they have a problem – it’s always someone else’s fault. They may even go so far as to tell you they they’re working on themselves just to keep you stringing along. Not saying he can’t change, but it’s his responsibility to do that for himself and you don’t have to stick around.

    Put yourself first. You are important.

  17. If he can’t handle your style then that’s on him. I get it, your girl looks good and you don’t want dudes checking her out but as a man you put that shit aside and admire your women and lift them up not tear them down. it can invite problems as in some dudes might approach you but that’s up to you to shut down and he doesn’t need to worry about that unless someone keeps pushing it after you’ve done all you could. Maybe he’s insecure but also no excuse to project it on to your partner. Try to talk it out and see if He responds in a way that shows he’s actually looking for a solution rather then acting out on emotions.

  18. I think I need to take a break from this sub, all these posts on how to deal with insecure and toxic partners is so depressing. Please reread your post and ask yourself if this is how you want to live your life?

  19. He started an argument with you over nothing, then got mad when the argument upset you and told you to stop being so sensitive.. which basically translates to “get used to this sort of BS cause it’ll happen a lot and I don’t want you crying every time.”

    Think really hard about how much you want a future with a person who will try to control your appearance and actions and get mad when it bothers you.

  20. I suggest you take some time on your own and clarify your world view about who is in charge of your life and your body? Who decides what you wear, eat, do, think, want…? Who is in charge of deciding when you need to go home and change?

    Also consider how you feel about all the people in this world who think they have the right to tell others how to live. Not just your boyfriend, but all the racists and the Karens and the junior assistant managers who act like they own the people they work with.

    It has been said that there are three kinds of people in the world, those that are controlling, those that are controlled and those that are free. Start paying attention to your relationships and decide for yourself which group you are in and if you don’t like what you see, change it.

  21. Keep in mind that you’re not happy and the “good times”, as good as they are, will not be enough- for either of you. He’s not happy because he wants a different version of you and you want a different version of him. And both of you deserve someone who is the version you’re looking for. It also sounds like the communication between the two of you is lacking especially of things aren’t discussed and nothing ever changes. That is huge that you’re not right for each other. That doesn’t mean you don’t care, just the fit is not right. He deserves to have the woman he’s looking for and you deserve the man you’re looking for. Now it’s time for the two of you to use your time wisely and end this relationship so you both can go find the one that’s right for each of you. It’s one of the most “loving” things you can do for one another.

  22. He’s gonna get abusive real soon :/ my advice is to get out of that relationship while you still can, because the longer you go on, the harder it is to leave.

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