Friday, March 24, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy ex exploited me on Reddit without my consent

My ex exploited me on Reddit without my consent

My ex (23m) distributed no consensual porn of me (22f) through a Reddit community a year ago.We were together for 7 years with a baby. I didn’t press charges because I couldn’t afford a lawyer at the time but I wish I would have. We’ve had to coparent since it happened and I’ve been struggling to stay cordial. I always try to put our son first but I have so much distrust for him. Does anyone have any advice on how I might be able to trust him again?

Extra context: I have since gotten married to someone who respects the work that I do however I still have to keep in contact with my ex who shamed me for showing my body while at the same time non consensually showing it off for his own personal benefit.

View Reddit by Bluelotus883View Source



  1. >I didn’t press charges because I couldn’t afford a lawyer at the time but I wish I would have.

    What do you mean? You don’t need a lawyer to press charges. Like at all. A lawyer has nothing to do with pressing charges.

  2. You shouldn’t trust him again, is my answer. Be wary about him. You can still co-parent, people do it all the time.

    By the way, revenge porn is illegal and you shouldn’t need a lawyer to pursue it. Law enforcement should do that. If it’s only a year ago, the statute of limitations probably hasn’t expired yet.

  3. I mean no the trust is definitely gone. But now you have to judge not what a shit partner he was but what type of father he was.

    These are 2 entirely different issues. And they have to treated as such. Is he danger to your son? If the answer is no then he must unfortunately be in your life because you have a child.

    Do you need to remain in contact? Actually no. I’ve known people who have a third person who acts like a go between parents who are struggling for a variety of reasons of wanting contact with each other.

    I do wanna say tho what he did was disgusting and unforgiving, a betrayal that I personally wouldn’t have the maturity or emotional depth to put aside my feelings even I had kid with that person. The fact you have and trying to continue to do so shows what amazing person you are

  4. Revenge porn is no joke, doesn’t matter if showing your body off consensually is something you do. Have both of you talked it out? Has the post been deleted, has he shown remorse or made attempts or amends to be trusted again? If the answer is now, then I’d seek advice from a professional in regards to what to do.

    All the best

  5. If you live in the US, there is a law against revenge porn. You don’t need a lawyer, just press charges and the police should do the rest. Then you can take a lawyer and sue him for whatever he has, the lawyer can be paid from profits.

  6. Sharing your nudes without your consent is digital sexual abuse. You have every reason not to trust your ex anymore, and to want nothing to do with him. Remaining in contact with him and having to coparent for any length of time sounds horrifying. Please look into your legal options to protect yourself and your child from him.

  7. Umm i’m sure you can press charges without a lawyer ESPECIALLY since he’s sharing stuff like this since its kinda time sensitive and it needs to be taken down ASAP. You can file a report from the police…

  8. If your goal is to trust him agan then a lot of that needs to come from him , does he admit that was wrong of him to do what he did?, does he even want to earn your trust back?

  9. why would you want to trust him?? Be polite, but very wary…all the time. Being suspicious after he’s shown you his true stripes is a good protection- don’t try to lose it!!

  10. I’m confused, please cmiiw.

    OP, distributed photos of herself on reddit.
    OP, husband took those same public domain pix and distributed them on reddit.

    If OP didn’t commit a crime doing that, (I.e. pix were legal) then OP husband didn’t commit any crime either.

    Certainly a betrayal of trust, but as neither person profited or lost financially, where is the criminal act? Which might explain why, as in no case to answer.

    If husband was selling OPs IP, without permission, that might be considered theft, but reddit doesn’t pay for content, so again, no case to answer.

    If OP is making a commercial business out of distributing her photos, one could even argue that her husband expending time doing the same, is advertising her business.
    Of course we’d need more context to know, and it sounds like he did that without OP knowledge or prior agreement?

    Oddly in this case, the issue ISN’T about images of OP being in the PD, it’s who distributed them.

    By the same rationale, anyone else could repost them too, or link them to reddit, no crime there either, as long as no profit or misrepresentation.

    Given there was no crime here, why is all the focus on that aspect, when surely the point is breach of trust.

    A common reason to seperate, OP did that a year ago, moved on with her life, and imho should probably let this go, before it consumes her. You did the hardest part already OP, if you need help to get over the betrayal, therepy?

    I wonder how much reddit helped in exploding the therepy business in the last decade.

  11. I would get a consultation with a lawyer still to see what can be done, if anything. If anything can still be done then take legal action. If there isn’t anything that can be done, well it’s easier said than done but you just need to learn to let it go.

    The positive criticism I’m going to give you is going to sound mean but do remember this is advice since you are young. If you ever let someone have nudes of you, then you need take peace with the fact that you technicallynhave no rights on what they can do with it once you send it. Yes, uploading nudes/videos is a punishable crime now, but unless you spot it right away or can prove 100% it was them, for all you know your nudes can circulate the web at any given time. I always warn folks your age that you need to really think before you hit send or tell someone they can record you because again, you have no authority over their phone. To prevent stuff like this, best way is just to not do it.

    If you are going to continue to do it, then be smart about how you take nudes. Do not show your face, if you have identifiable tattoos/piercings/markings then make sure they’re covered or not in the pic so no one can tell its you.

  12. You don’t need a lawyer… Cause you don’t press charges, you report him to the police and provide evidence if you have any. Then they do their own investigation and press charges on him. Unless you were trying to sue him in a civil case for damages you wouldn’t need a lawyer.

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