Im very angry right now. I dated my ex for two years. He wasn’t evil but he always made me feel bad about myself. Every time I dressed maybe a little sexy he insinuated I was cheating, if I wore makeup, he insinuated I was cheating, so eventually I just took 0 care in my appearance and felt shitty constantly.
I however got an opportunity, starting this September to move to Ireland and study for my Masters. I was so depressed that I took it. He was not pleased at all, still accused me of cheating over text, but the distance between us helped show me how nice it was not to always be judged by him. As the weeks went by in Ireland I grew to dislike him, and would roll my eyes whenever he called or texted. So, I eventually dumped him. I told him there was no one else, which is true, and that I just wanted some time to myself, to explore who I am. He got really mad and obviously assumed I had left him for someone. His anger didn’t really bother me until a friend texted me telling me that he was telling everyone I was a serial cheater, and a drunk party girl. He told people I slept with 10s of guys in Ireland, which is a complete lie, he told them I was a drunk and he had to take care of me. Hes painting me as like a bar floozy. To my disappointment people seem to believe him. Ive had ‘friends’ block me, or send me messages calling me a bitch. I have friends who stand by me, friends who never liked him and thought his jealousy was destroying my personality. I dont know what to do, hes ruining friendships for no reason, I think he just wants me to suffer and its working. I have like good friends who have blocked me and its fucking terrible
If they were *really* your friends they wouldn’t have blindly believed the claims of a your freshly single (and ego bruised) ex, at the very least they would have asked you what happened.
He’s done you a favour, those aren’t the type of people you should have in your inner circle.
Seriously? Do nothing and block his number. Anyone giving you grief is no friend, either. Block them as well. Live your life as you see fit.
Congratulations on dumping this loser who was abusively chipping away at your self esteem.
It doesn’t feel like it now, but the “friends” who blocked you and are calling you names are not your friends, this is a gift. You’re at the age where your friend group will be shaken up and it’s hard and it sucks but it’s a blessing to separate the wheat from the chaff. Now you know who has your back.
Keep on living your best life in Ireland, rally your true friends to your side, and trust that eventually it will come out as to what a cheating, lying scumbag your ex is. That guy was (is?) projecting all over the place.
even if you *were* the bar floozy, you’d still be too good for this loser who has to make shit up to turn your “friends” against you. it seems scorched earth, but i think other commenters are right. these people don’t actually care about you if they’re willing to believe lies like that without at least a little investigation of why he’s saying the things he’s saying.
Block him and ignore him. Anyone who believes him isn’t a true friend anyways, even though it’s easy to say that from a distance I know. But even before his current behaviour, that guy sounds like a controlling creep. In time you’ll 100% believe that getting rid of him was the best thing you can do
PS hope you are enjoying yourself here in Ireland. It’s a brilliant country (though I am biased!). Sorry about the weather!!
They weren’t your good friends if they believe him and block you. They are his because they don’t know who you actually are. The people who don’t believe him are your actual friends. Your ex was and still is toxic trash and sadly since you are in another country he has the ability to do all the shittalking face to face. I’m sorry that you are having to deal with the aftermath of the trash, but him doing this is a good thing and is not only helping you figure out who your real friends are but also that he is just a sad little boy who wants attention. Don’t give him the attention and show that what he is doing doesn’t faze you because you know you were faithful and he was toxic trash.
You maybe be able to press charges for defamation if this spills over to your career. Be careful. I’m so sorry you’re going thru this.
Assuming that you are telling us the truth the following statements are what you need to process.
Anyone who believes him without talking to you wasn’t a friend to start with.
Anyone who still believes him after talking with you isn’t someone who deserves to be a friend anymore.
Anyone who believes you, but is still a friend with him, are not true friends.
The ones left are your true friends, they never believed him, and are no longer (or never were) friends with him.
The same goes for family.
Those friends who don’t listen to you or believe you aren’t your friends. Best you can do is email your former friends and tell them it is a lie and to show you the proof it they think it is true but I wouldn’t put much effort into it.
“I’m hurt that you would believe these things about me, but I just wanted to say that none of it is true. I understand he’s hurting, but that has turned into anger and lies. If you ever want to get in touch, I’m here.” Send that to your friends in any way possible. Text, facebook, insta, email, etc. If you can’t, it is what it is. With any luck, you might get a couple who apologize. I don’t think your friends would believe these things and abandon you though. Those are HIS friends, you just thought they were better friends than they actually were. It’s an easy mistake to make. Don’t ever talk to him again, he wants the attention. Enjoy yourself in Ireland, and congrats on getting free from this crazy person.
Part of me wants this: if it keeps happening, post screenshots of the text messages publicly, and put his words out there. Another part of me is saying, block everybody that is just plain harassing you and let him dig his grave. (Or do both). Anyways, drop the douchebag, the so-called friends and live your life! And definitely get into therapy!
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