Thursday, March 23, 2023
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My friend feels responsible for his girlfriend threatening to kill herself

TW: mention of suicide

My (18F) best friend (18M) and his girlfriend (18F) have been on and off arguing for well over a month now.

Tonight best friend called me crying because they got into an argument ment and she ended it by saying something along the lines of “maybe you’ll care about me when I’m dead. I’m done I can’t do this anymore”

for a bit of backstory they’re a long distance couple, they’ve never met. from what I’ve gathered she has Bipolar disorder, and gaslight/guilt trips my best friend a lot. they’ve been together about 13 months, know each other for about 17 months or so

Best friend is seriously blaming himself and just keeps saying “I did this, I killed her” and it’s so painful to see him like this but all I feel l can say is it’s not your fault. I’m just so awful at consoling people because I’m a very blunt person. like I want to just say “she’s just fucking with your head she won’t actually do it, she wants to hurt you” but I don’t actually know that so I’d feel even worse if worst case scenario happens.

I need advice to give him to help, I feel so useless as a friend right now, I really don’t like GF, I see so many red flags that he doesn’t, so it’s hard to reassure him, help please.

TLDR: need advice for comforting Best friend blaming himself after his toxic long distance GF said she was going to kill herself because “he doesn’t care”

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  1. She’s abusive.

    When I don’t know what to say or do for my friends when they come to me, I always ask “How can I help? What can I do? How can I make this better? How can I help you through this?”

    If they said “Idk,” I start throwing stuff out there. “Do you need hugs? Comfort food? Do you want me to just stay on the phone with you? Do you need me to come over and stay with you?”

    I make sure to tell them I love them and I’m there for them. I am in their corner. I support them. They’re precious to me. I want to help them through this but I have no idea how so it would help if they told me what to do.

    You may also want to gently tell your bestie, “You can call the police in her area and have them check on her. Tell them she threatened to kill herself. They’ll go over there and make sure she’s OK.”

    This is gonna stop all of that emotional manipulation she’s trying to pull. But it’ll also help your bestie feel like he has a way to help her.

    After all this is over, bring up your concern for him and what this relationship is doing to him.

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