Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy gf (21) of 4 months lied to me (25 M) about...

My gf (21) of 4 months lied to me (25 M) about her relationship with a coworker and deleted their texts. So I ended the relationship.

Tonight I was hanging out with my gf at my house after she had just quit her job. As we’re hanging out she receives a FaceTime call from a guy I’ve never heard of. I asked her who it was and she told me it was her coworker. I told her to call him back and see what he wanted. When he answered he told her he heard that she quit and was in her city. He said he was bored and wanted to see her, she shut it down and told her he knows she has a boyfriend. He kept trying but she shut it down. I was shocked and furious that this coworker I never heard of basically called my girlfriend for a bootycall. I asked her questions about him and she said she barely had a relationship with him and she only had his number because he needed it to ask her for the code to open up. She told me they never text and showed me there was no text messages. She swore to me on everything that she was telling me the truth and they never had conversations through text, only at work.

I wanted to believe her but I have trouble trusting. I asked her to show me the messages on Microsoft teams at work. In those messages she was being dry but when he asked for her number so they could have unmonitored conversation, she gave it to him. She further would door dash food for him to work. It is clear that they were closer than she made it seem. They were texting each other and she was deleting the messages to hide them from me. She lied to me about the circumstances of their relationship. Somewhere along those lines the guy became comfortable enough with her to try to hangout with her at 10pm. I don’t believe they hung out before outside of work because of how he handled the phone call when she turned him down.

Regardless, I ended the relationship. I told her I appreciate her time with me but she lied to me and hid something and I couldn’t handle it. She apologized for lying and left my house.

Currently I am in pain, this is as close to being cheated on as I’ve ever been. I truly loved her and wanted it to work but I don’t think I’d ever trust her again and I definitely couldn’t handle finding out I’ve been lied to again.

What do you think I should do?

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  1. You did the right thing and it is good that it was addressed early on in the relationship. Not only did you find out she is not trustworthy, she showed that she is willing to shit where she eats too.

  2. Take time to find yourself, then find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

    And it wasn’t close to cheating, it was cheating. Just because it wasn’t physical doesn’t change it.

  3. Breaking up was the right choice.

    That she gave her number out to a guy is bad.
    That she was sending food to the guy…

    that is clearly cheating.

    She didn’t make this relationship with you a successful one.

    Don’t prolong unsuccessful relationships.

  4. Yeah screw that you did well avoiding wasting serious time on a liar and cheater. I mean if she pulls this crap after only 4 months while she is supposed to be newly in love it doesn’t sound like a nice future for you if you stayed.

  5. She did cheat. She was maybe not physically cheating or maybe she was, which you just don’t know. If she can hide this than sex is not too much to hide.

    You did the right thing. Yes pain right now but you will be much more happier in future. Bro remember be careful when you date younger people especially just after college they are immature and don’t take relationship seriously.

  6. > She swore to me on everything that she was telling me the truth and they never had conversations through text, only at work.

    I think there’s a lot there that you still didn’t find out. The fact that she was sending food to him via door dash is very concerning. I think that indicates a level of closeness between her and the guy that is uncomfortable.

    When caught, instead of coming clean she doubled down and kept lying to you. That shows more about her character. Did you ask her about her swearing that she was telling the truth, after you conformed all her lies? I’d be curious to hear what her reaction was.

    Either way, the pain would ease. She may not have physically cheated but she crossed a lot of boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed while in a monogamous relationship. And I agree, catching her in her lies after her vehemently swearing that she’s telling the truth can certainly cause a lot of distrust towards her. I think that was the right decision to go your separate ways. At this point call up your friends go do some social activities, watch your favorite movies and TV shows, do any fun activities that you like. The pain will lessen over time. I’m sorry that you are in this situation, but it’s better that you found out about it now instead of finding out about her true character down the road.

  7. So essentially she admitted lying when she apologized. You may not realize this yet, but she could have done all kinds of emotional damage to you had you stuck it out with her. There are people on the survivinginfidelity and asoneafterinfidelity subs who suffer from betrayal trauma for many years after being cheated on – and they often say it is the worst thing they have ever experienced. By ending this now, you may have prevented something much worse down the line.

  8. Oh man, you need to find that guy and thank him for saving you so much time, if 4 months in these kinda shenanigans were going on, it was only going to get worse.

  9. I’m proud of you bud. You’ll realise the value of the great self respect you exhibited. It’s a lot more than I can say for the vast majority of people that post here.

    And in case she comes back begging or a new development occurs, UpdateMe!

  10. You did the right thing. You can let women play dumb with you when it come to these things. They know if they gotta hide the truth from you. It will forever change the way you look at them. It’s better to toss her to the side before she has a chance to hurt you in even worse way

  11. You did it right. Nip red flags in the bud. Be proud that you acted mature and know that you can hold your head high.

    Just imagine being a year or two in and how things would have been. She was on the way to cheating.

    Someone out there will realize your the prize

  12. I doubt you got the full story from her. When people are caught cheating they never tell the full truth. It’s always trickle truth where they tell you just enough that you’ll believe them and minimize the situation so that it doesn’t seem as bad.

    Good on you for breaking up. If she’s cheating or cheating adjacent this early in the relationship, you’d be in for a bad time.

  13. Every partner to a committed relationship has a right to feel safe from infidelity.

    Her behavior is a huge fail . She failed the life partner test.

    Don’t argue. She’ll never confess.

    Just block her on everything and move on.

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