My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. When we both met we both had our own cars. She would vent to me every so often about her car loan being too expensive. I currently work at a job which provides me with a vehicle that can be taken home and be driven to and from work only. My girlfriend and I came to the agreement of selling her car in order to pay off her car loan and also save money while in the meantime she uses my personal car to get to work and I use the vehicle my job provided me with to get to work. The purpose of selling her car and saving money was so she could finance a cheaper car or purchase a car cash with the money saved so she wouldn’t have a car loan to pay each month. It’s been almost a year now and she still hasn’t purchased a car. I have found myself having to borrow friend’s or family member’s cars in order to be able to get to places when it’s not work related. I have even had to uber at times just to get to where I need to go because my girlfriend would be at work with my car. I don’t see her making a conscious effort in purchasing a car any time soon. Should I tell her she’s no longer allowed to take my car to work and make her start taking an uber to work in order to get her to buy a car? I’ve brought the lack of effort I’ve observed up to her attention serval times already and I feel like she’s not doing anything about it. Each time she just says she’s still saving money and that it takes time but it’s been almost a year now. She doesn’t pay rent or a mortgage and she makes slightly more money than I do.
TLDR
I agreed to allow my girlfriend use my car until she saved enough money to buy her own car. It’s been almost a year. Should I tell her she’s not allowed to use my car anymore?
You just need to talk to her, no I wouldn’t say Uber. But you need to give her a timeframe.
“Hey gf, I have to talk to you about something. When I suggested you sell the car to save money, I expected you to buy another car, and was only intending for you to use my car as a temporary solution while you find a cheaper alternative. I know used cars were a lot of money during the pandemic so I don’t mind you’ve been using it thus far, but it’s becoming an inconvenience for me to not have a car for personal use. Used car prices have finally started to come down, so I need you to either find another car or another mode of transportation in the next (1-3 months, you pick) because come (whatever month) I need to take my car back. I realize this is a conversation we should’ve had when you were selling your car, so that’s why I’m giving you a few weeks/months to figure things out, but I do really need my car back as soon as we can figure out a solution.”
Ouch, this is a tough situation. She might not have realized that this is actually something that has become very stressful and bothersome to you. I would give her a deadline. State a boundary with no room for compromise. You can say something like, “We agreed to this situation in order to help you achieve this goal. It’s time to finish your end of the deal. In 3 weeks, you’ll be driving your own car to work or ubering. My car is no longer available for this.” Something along those lines. It seems like she’s had plenty of time to prepare for it.
Sounds like she’s got it made! She makes slightly more than you but pays no rent, has no car payment either. Who is paying the car insurance? Who pays for oil changes, maintenance? During this time she is putting miles and wear and tear on your car effectively lowering the value of it every day. Just tell her it’s been more than enough time for her to save money and you would like to have your car back before she drives it into the ground! Obviously say it a little nicer than that but you do realize she is totally taking advantage?
she thinks it’s her car now. or, our car.
Start telling her a few times a week that she needs to make alternate arrangements, since you’ll need your car when you get home. Hopefully, that will become so inconvenient that she’ll get the hint and get a car. Also: why isn’t she paying a share of the rent, if she’s living with you full time and earning more than you?! It’s high time to revisit your financial arrangements.
When you have plans to do something during the day, when she’d have the car, why aren’t you just communicating that? “Hey, can you get an Uber tomorrow, I need my car to go do XYZ this afternoon.”
That seems like it would solve the entire problem. And it makes a lot more sense then revoking her usage entirely so that the car sits at home unused most days, while she’s spending $30 on Ubers.
If her car payment was, say, $300, and she’s been saving that each month, she’d only have $3,600, which isn’t nearly enough to buy a safe used car with cash. You could’ve done the math on this together when you made the arrangement. You can ask to do this math now. You can share with her that the arrangement has become a bit bothersome and you want to chat about it again.
In any case – communicate. Communicate before you dictate something. You made this arrangement agreement together, by communicating. She hasn’t done anything wrong by continuing, as agreed. If you want to change it, sit down and talk about it.
You don’t need to be a dick by telling her to start taking Ubers now. Sit her down and let her know how you’re feeling and that you think it’s a good idea she starts looking for her own car as it’s interfering with your errands as well.
Sit her down and remind her that she agreed to buy another car, and that using yours was temporary. Let her know you need your car to run errands. Remind her that you can’t use the company car for anything other than for going to and from work. Give her a deadline to get a car because you can’t keep using Uber or borrowing a car.
I really dont see a problem here… Why did not you just talk to her and alternate taking an uber or public transportation? It doesn’t sound like you really need two cars just because you need it once in a while.
I have a great car. My partners car was never a good car and he always wanted to buy another one but I told him not too. I just let him take my car everywhere. I work remotely most of the time and when i go to the office and he also has to go the work one of us takes a train to work. Its usually me because i dont mind taking the train. Its relaxing to me.
I love my partner. What’s mine is his too. I dont care to take a train or a bike somewhere so he can drive comfortably. And I really dont see the point of having 2 cars just because one of the two occasionally needs a car, not to go to work but for private things. For that few times one of you can take an uber, Carpool, bike or public transportation. Or just stay home once in a while if that doesn’t work out.
“Girlfriend you need to make a plan I’m taking my car back on X date”
Why does it need to be between “she gets the car every day” and “she’s not allowed to touch it”?
Just talk ffs. Two people can share a car.
Is it possible to drive her to work/pick her up on days you need the car for errands? I’m not gonna lie, it seems a little ridiculous for two people to need THREE vehicles. What a waste of money.
Sell her your car…
or let her know that you get the car half of the time because that is an even split and still lets her save a ton of money.
“You need to buy a car or contribute toward the mortgage. Choose.”
Can she not walk or take the bus?
Just talk with her.
Surely you can both plan better. If she knows your off and need it then drop her to work and you keep the car?
Though she should be keeping you in the loop about her search as a year is enough to save when she’s already had a deposit
But your not being unreasonable to want to use your own car. She should understand that. Or just tell her what days your having the car and part share til she realises and gets her own. You’ve been really leaniant as is
End day it’s YOUR car your choice what goes…no 1 else’s
I think that you have to speak for your right to put some order in this story and above all so that there would not be any misunderstanding.
You have to talk about it like any other issue inside a couple, tell her that you guys gotta find a solution and that this situation Is making you very tired.
Time to communicate.
Often people think something is okay if you are not complaining about it.
“GF, we talked about you getting a new car at some point after you sold yours. I have been letting you use mine but it isn’t working for me anymore…I am ending up spending more money to Uber or having to borrow other’s cars to go places and I can’t use my own car. I need you to get your own car in two weeks or you will have to Uber. (Alternately you can have her pay for your Ubers).”
Maybe just help her buy a car. Go get a 3k car or so. Just need transportation.
Before you decide what needs to be done, talk to her about how you feel about the situation. If you haven’t said anything, she may think that nothing’s wrong.
Talk it out and come up with a reasonable plan.
Do you see yourself as a husband to her? Do you see her as your partner? What would it look like if the two of you expressed all of your needs openly, and then worked together to find a mutually beneficial solution?
I’m in the habit of saying that every lasting relationship combines romance with business. Thanks for providing another great illustration. The only thing that ever helps is to sit down together, with candour and in good faith, to settle the terms of your relationship.
She just got to comfortable she probably forgot the arrangement you guys made… damn she’s a free loader… at least make her pay for your car insurance but then she’ll probably come up with an excuse I’m still saving
Find a beater with a heater … Seriously any cheap shitbox that runs & drives reasonably well … Find something ugly as sin with no stereo no amenities etc. Bare bones as they come under a grand then hand her the keys go put her name on the title problem solved she will mooch off of you and won’t step up to be a worthy partner till she gets a reality check and make it clear that you managed to find SOMETHING while making less money than her and still paying the bills so she has no excuses…if she flips then bail tell her to get in her car and don’t come back
If she has zero other bills, there’s no reason she can’t pay the damn car bill. *no reason*
She’s going to get mad at you when you communicate this. Be ready for the backlash and excuses
I hate to break it you, but it’s still very much a seller’s market for cars, not a buyer’s. With that being said, your argument could be that she’s diminishing your trade in/private sale value of your car by increasing mileage and wear and tear. Is she paying for gas/maintenance/detailing? Is she helping with insurance? You said she only saved $2000 in a year. In some states, that will barely cover taxes and fees! You also said you guys are rent free and saving for a house. Do you know how much she has saved for that? I think finding the answer to that will help your decision about her using your car. If she pays for you both to go on vacation, to her that might be a trade off for the car. Also, if your concerned about her safety with uber, you could always ask that she pay you weekly for uber charges and inconvenience.
As a car salesman prices on used car are still way up. I missed when you sold the car however if it was only 1 year ago you are out of luck. Your payments will most likely be higher than the previous vehicle. You got all the money because there were no used cars and still are not any used cars available. Expect to pay 5,000 or more over sticker for a new one.
My advise add her to the insurance have her pay for it. Your need to coddle her needs to end. Have her pay rent as well.
Be ready for her to leave when she hears you want your car back or to pay insurance and rent. She is cheap
Not following a financial plan is a bad flag. You need to have a serious conversation about doing what you say you will do and tell her she needs to go in half on the expenses with you. If she won’t do that then she is just using you. Put your foot down.
“You have one month to buy another car and then I’m taking back possession of my car whether you have another car or not.”
Just because she was venting about her car payment didn’t mean she couldn’t pay it. She has no rent, has a job, and obviously made enough to qualify for the loan.
Tell her your work is starting to require you report mileage.