Hi. I’ve never really written in here before. So sorry if this reads jumpy awkward or is plain nonsense, English is my second language. Foe context, we’re Mexican, being Mexicans who live in Mexico, makes it very hard to earn a living while being a professional in any field so I still live with my parents while I save up for a fully independent life.
My gf (25, let’s call her A) and I (M26) were together for almost two years. We broke up in August of last year (2021). We were both starting new jobs that we were getting used to, I was saving to buy a new car, so seeing her and visiting her everyday was hard because she lives across town from me, literally opposite sides, and I was on a budget. She was used to be in relationships where she and her partners basically live together so this really put a strain on the relationship that she couldn’t handle. She decided to break up which we agreed would be a time-out for both of us. A week later she started dating some guy whom she met the previous month, and a couple of weeks later she and him were living together.
She told me about a month later about this and swore to me she never cheated or left me for someone else. I don’t think she cheated but I still felt betrayed. Specially because she never stopped telling me how much she loves me and I mean to her.
Fast forward to February 2022. She calls me, tells me her relationship is over and wants to see me. I go see her and we talk. She confessed she never stopped loving me and thought about me every day. That I didn’t deserve the way she treated me and was so ashamed for how things developed. I forgave her and we later had sex that day.
Since then we have been on and off as FWB but we clearly have strong feelings for each other. I always lie to my family when it’s about her, they don’t know all the times we’ve seen each other or how much we talk to each other. They hate her and the few times they caught me on the lie they freak out, claim I don’t love myself and speak ill o her. I’m such a coward when it comes to my parents cause I don’t really stand up to them to defend A cause I just want the sermon to end, it kills me though. I also understand where they’re coming from, they only want what’s best for me and care and worry about me, my health and choices.
Getting to the point here. A knows my family hates her and feels violated by how present they are in my life. I feel as if I have no privacy and hate that feeling.
Lately, we have started talking more and more about how we feel, we both love each other and honestly I think I would like to try it again. The problem is I don’t want to be with anyone who I can bring home to my parents. I am also still scared of her, I’m scared that she might feel like she doesn’t want to be with me anymore, leaves again and goes straight away towards someone else. I already forgave her but the fear is still there.
Today, the idea of leaving and renting a place with A has crossed my mind a lot. But with all these issues between is I’m not really sure it’s worth it to cripple my relationship with my parents, (who actually stuck with me and saw the damage that her actions caused me), to go and try it out with her. I also love her very deeply, but maybe I’m just idealizing our relationship.
The point is, I feel lost. Should I talk to my parents to try and convince them while I move away, or should I just let go of everything and strengthen my relationship with my family?
Please be empathetic.
Listen to your parents.
Who the hell moves with someone after 1 week?
If they did that your “GF” was cheating for a long time.
As people already said. You were always the side. Before breakup and now the rebound .
Yeah, your parents are the only sane ones in this story.
You are the girl her backup plan, nothing more. Just a WEEK after she starting dating the other dude? Damn and when her relationship is over, she suddenly has always loved you bla bla bla.
You’ve got rose-tinted glasses my dude. If she had always loved you, she wouldnt have banged and lived with some other dude.
No, she got broken up with and you’re her backup.
mate just wake up and move on
Damn dude this girl is playing you like a fiddle. She doesn’t love you. The minute another guy catches her attention she’s gone. She’s trained you to come when she calls. Like, how do you not see how you’re being treated like a chump? Hell you’ve fully accepted the chump role. Move on away from this girl if you have any self-respect.
100% you are her backup plan. She’s only back with you because the other relationship didn’t work out. When she finds the next one you will be left again. Don’t do that to yourself, you deserve better.
Sorry but you’re just her back up plan.
You are plan b. She called after her relationship with the dude she on you with called it quits. Why do u want to be with this person. Do u like being 2nd fiddle?
Your parents are trying their best to stop you doing a big mistake, but go ahead and do it, you’ll learn from it.
For once in these posts the family is actually correct and on OP’s side. My friend you are nothing but a backup for this girl, you do you, but be aware that if you stay with this girl… all that drama will happen again once she finds her next victim and she does not need her backup anymore.
You know when a monkey is swinging in the trees they don’t let go of one until the grabbed on to the next. This is how A is in her relationships. She broke up with you when she did because she had the next guy lined up. She only came back to you because she didn’t have a new guy ready when her relationship ended and you’re better than nothing.
How long after her last thing ended did she come to you? I’m willing to bet it was less than a week after.
Why the flying tostito chip would you want to be with someone that sees you as an afterthought?
I’m sorry but you’re her backup plan. Esa chica solo quiere estar contigo para no quedarse sola, si empezó a salir con un man una semana después de que terminaron, ella ya te estaba siendo infiel. No vuelvas con ella, se lo que te digo.
I love this telenovela! Update us in a month OP!
The question is why don’t you hate her? She’s playing you.
You should listen to your family and stop being such an easily played chump.
There’s a few things going on here
1. The girl, firstly just solely from what you’ve written, she didn’t cheat my friend. You said you had split up, a time out as you called it but a few lines above that you did explicitly say you had broken up. She did however move on incredibly fast which could mean a couple of things, she doesn’t know how to not be in a relationship (which isn’t healthy) or her feelings towards you weren’t as strong as yours were towards her. Either way I’d have to agree with everyone else’s comments. To me, based off what you’ve written, you’re a back up plan to her
2. Your parents. As others have said, they’re absolutely right in this situation, A is not a good person. But it’s not ok that you feel like you have no privacy with them and that you can’t stand up to them. It’s not something you need to deal with right now because you have a lot going on but it feels like you guys are very enmeshed and that’s not healthy either so it’s something worth thinking about
Good luck my friend
No matter how old you are your parents see things in people you dont see ,they dont like her because how she treated you and hurt you, she moved on in a week but now wants you back when things did not work out ? You deserve to be someones first choice. You will never be at peace having to pick between her and your family she sounds like trouble and more heartbreak for you
At best, your ex is extremely codependent and relies on physical intimacy constantly for validation.
Rest, as these folks say. You are plan B.
Your family is right. You are nothing but plan B to this woman. You will be demoted if and when she gets a better offer and you know it deep down. Move on there are better partners out there for you that will make you their Plan A
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You should read up on [hysterical bonding](https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/hysterical-bonding). Essentially, you’re post trauma and trying to re-establish the normalcy in your relationship (while rug-sweeping everything n the past).
She started dating a guy she met “a previous month” ago (she already had someone lined up). Your parents are drawing off what you went through (and what you vented to them about) when you were down and upset and trying to prevent you from going through the same thing again. I know it sucks but this girl didn’t pass the girlfriend test.
Fuck buddy should be her ceiling. Your not in love with her, your in love with the idea of her. The fantasy that is in your head where she loves you back.
Reality showed you it was different. The guy she dumped you for while on a “break”, she most then likely was already talking to and might have even seen while you were together. Because they moved in together really quickly. That lets me think that they have known about each other for a while.
Your family wants the best for you and if you move in with her with her knowing how your family feels about her, she will slowly distance you from your family or start conflict to cause a strain on your relationship between you and your family.
Just ask your self, if a girl done the same thing to your brother or best friend, what advise would you give them?
You’re setting yourself up for failure here. She wants you right now because things didn’t work out with the guy she supposedly dated for a couple of months before moving in with.
Your family is right.
YOUR FAMILY IS RIGHT. LISTEN TO THEM.
You are a plan B for your ex. Your family is a sane one here.
Enjoy your silver medal, plan b.
You may have noticed that while she was with the other guy, she was busy telling you how much she loved you. That makes her a cheater and a player. She was cheating on him and playing you.
This was on top of her dumping you before she started seeing him. And the reason she came back to you is because it didn’t work out with the other guy. Don’t be her Plan B.
Man up and leave. She is not the one. You’re a fool and a doormat if you keep seeing her. There is no future here.
Open your eyes, dude.
You’re her safety net, her Plan B. She’s only with you now because her relationship didn’t work. She’s taking advantage of you.
Your family sees that she’s using you. You’re her back up plan.
Sound like you are her side dick tbh
Bueno creo que tus padres tienen razón, no te voy a mentir. El hecho de que haya terminado contigo y menos de un mes después este viviendo con otro es muy preocupante. Además, apenas termina con aquel y ya está de vuelta contigo? Esa mujer no sabe estar sola.
Si la relación no se sostiene porque ella no aguanta no verte todos los días es porque se está apoyando en algo muy superficial.
Entiendo que te duela porque claramente tenés sentimientos muy fuertes por ella, pero me da la sensación que ella es inestable y eso te afecta. En tu lugar, pensaría en qué es mejor para mí y mi salud mental.
Te deseo la mayor de las suertes
Slow down, you need to take time and think what you want in life. Then when you decide, talk with her and tell her how you feel. Your parents will not always be around you. Take care
Listen to your family. This woman is not good for you. Cut her off and move on.
I hate to say it.. but your family is probably right. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you said A cheated on you, and that’s why your parents hate her.. if that happened, I would walk away from her. But if your parents are wrong, tell them! You don’t have to be confrontational or anything. Just talk, see how it goes. I hope you find some happiness
Let this person go and show your family you love them. They’re the ones sticking up for you here
Bitch Dependency is no laughing matter. Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends, your health, and, scary enough, even your money. It’s a disease
did you get tested for STDs ?
Comments are closed.