So me and my girl were laying in bed and started to get into a deep convo about her past, grant it the past us not that far from now only a couple of years. Anyway which I knew a little of it but not it all and from what I’ve heard has not been the very pleasant to hear but I feel like I’ve gotten over that hump. But what we talked about the other night send my head spinning making me feel sick. We got into the talk about her being in group sec with other guys and being in these 3somes with other guys and I just don’t know what to think. That was so hard to hear and I tried to show no negative reaction and put it all in my head and I think that’s what’s killing me right now. I want to make it sound like everything is okay but that is just down right disgusting. It’s so hard to get those images out of my head. I really just don’t know how to move forward with this if I can’t get over that but to me this just seems like something extreme to just pass over. Idk what to do
My gfs past
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Maybe you guys aren’t compatible as long term partners. That’s ok.
This is a sign to walk. Ignore the morons saying ‘its in the past’ or calling you insecure. If it was a girl talking about how she found out her bf had a history of sleeping with prostitutes and now she finds him icky, nobody would be invalidating her feelings.
You dont see her, for obvious reasons, the same now as you did previously. The person you say earlier, you liked, This new person, you don’t. In your view, she won’t stop being this new person ever again.
It’s no different than learning anything else about someone that would make you feel that way. If it bothers you, you don’t have to “get over it” unless you really want it to work. She might just not be the one for you and you may prefer someone more conservative and that’s OK. If it’s eating at you, it might be best to move on to someone new.
You have every right to feel how you feel, and finding you may not longer be compatible. She also has every right to feel negatively when she inevitably finds out you’re judging her for her past.
I still really like her and she’s an amazing person and I know she has changed as a person significantly I just don’t know how to accept this.
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Why is it disgusting? Is she your only partner?
I understand the idea of your parter with other
People isn’t pleasant, but I don’t understand why it’s a big deal. Obviously you knew she had a past. You freaking out will make her less likely to tell you things again. So if you want to stay together, you might want to think long and hard before responding. Se cannot change what has happened, but you weren’t together then. What matters is that she is loyal to you if that’s what you’ve agreed on.
First, everyone has a past. Most people have slept with other people before you, done dirty things with other people. She absolutely has the right to have explored her sexuality and have whatever consensual experiences that she wanted to have then. You were not in her life then, you get no say on that.
Now, perhaps the two of you don’t share the same values. Maybe it turns you off to be with someone who could have been turned on by threesomes. You are within your rights to feel that way, and if it is something you can’t get past, you can end it.
But that’s likely not why you’d end it, you’d end it because you were being shallow and judging her for having and wanting sex before you. And if you end it with her, your next gf will also have a past too, and you get to go through this all over again. Instead, take some time to explore this in yourself. What about it makes you uncomfortable? Are you jealous? Are you worried she’ll cheat? Because right now, her past is her past, and she’s only sleeping with you. That’s the only partner you need to be concerned about.
So either find the maturity to step back and self assess why you are so threatened by this. Maybe you aren’t compatible. Maybe you are over acting. But if you can’t put it to bed, please, end the relationship and let this woman be with someone who isn’t going to be judgemental because they explored some sexy things. Leave those people for the rest of us who are open minded.