Friday, March 24, 2023
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My GF’s sister (F19) told her (F21) that she should re-think our relationship. I (M22) feel betrayed.

I (M22) have been with my GF (F21) for about 3 years. While we have had our ups and downs, we are working through our issues to become closer. My GF has pretty bad anxiety and stress due to her job, and past trauma, but she is seeing a therapist and is on medication.

A few days ago, my GF told me that her sister told her that she should re-think our relationship, and be open to the possibility of dating other guys. I felt shocked and betrayed. Her sister told her that she seems to be unhappy with me, and that I don’t make an effort to fit in with the family. She then compared me to the boyfriend of their step-sister, saying that he tries his hardest to fit in and does so much for the family, while I don’t. The problem is though, I have always tried to fit in with the family, and have helped them out, but they don’t seem as receptive to me for some reason. Perhaps it’s because he is French-Canadian, just like the family, while I can’t speak french (I am trying to learn). I’ve even helped her sister out when she needed money, and helped the family clean/move the house and furniture many times. My GF’s parents seem to like me, but for some reason all of the siblings and extended family are not as receptive towards me.

My GF told her sister that she is truly happy being with me, but often acts sad/down to her stress/anxiety. The sister then claimed that she often felt down/sad when she was with her ex, but now feels way happier with her new boyfriend, who is her “true love”.

The reason I feel betrayed is due to the facts that the sister told her to keep her options open and consider the possibility of dating other guys. I totally understand that her sister is looking out for her, and which is a great support. It just seems like she is trying to get my GF to leave me and find another guy.

I don’t know what to do.

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  1. You can focus on how your GF defended your relationship and stated she’s “truly happy being with [you]”.

    Your GF is honest with you about conversations she has with close family. That can be a sign that she trusts you very closely.

    Don’t resent the sister for giving bad advice or the family for having preferences. That stuff happens.

    Just tell your GF that she knows better than her sister about your efforts to fit in.
    And that you think moving to a new shiny relationship is bad advice that sisters sometimes give each other.

  2. Her sister’s loyalty is to your gf – not you. You have no reason to feel betrayed, her sister is just trying to do her best by your gf. Your gf is the best judge of if you two are a good fit or not and she defended your relationship. It sounds like you already know her family aren’t huge fans of yours – and that’s OK. You’re doing your best and that’s all you can do. Just let this one go.

  3. Idk why you feel betrayed. This is your girlfriend’s sister, it’s not like she’s your best friend. Make absolutely no mistake, if your girlfriend broke up with you tomorrow, her sister won’t shed a tear.

    She cares about her sister, not you. Currently, you’re making her sister unhappy AND you don’t seem to get on well with her family. It’s a no brained that her sister is going to want her to be with someone who at a bare minimum makes her happy. I’d be more concerned with the fact that your girlfriend told you than the fact that her sister said it, because your girlfriend is telling you to get your attention.

    Her telling you is her saying, “I don’t know how else to get you to understand that I’m not happy and if something doesn’t change I’m going to leave.” So, listen to this. Talk to your girlfriend about why she isn’t happy and how you two can improve your relationship, because she’s waving a flag at you trying to get you to see that your relationship is hanging on by a thread and she wants to fix things, but doesn’t know how.

  4. You have tried to bond with your gf’s family and help a lot especially her sister. That’s why you feel betrayed. It’s not fair for her to compare you to others, at the same time it’s hard to see if her sister is being manipulative or simply looking out for her. In the end, the only one you should care is your gf. Don’t let this affect your relationship with her. Best of luck.

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