Thursday, March 23, 2023
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My girlfriend has cold feet (update)

As many of you requested, here is an update. Previous thread,

Girlfriend has cold feet from relationship_advice

We met up last night and came to a mutual decision to end things. I said I couldn’t see it working in the immediate future & she agreed.

I didn’t get the closure I wanted as I hoped she would fight more but in reality she said she wants to invest more time into her career.

I have a strong sense the other guy is the reason and she’s either lying to herself or to me. Although that doesn’t change much to me at this point.

The quote I keep coming back to is that two people can love each other but still not be meant for each other. I find comfort in this knowing some things are just out of my control.

Lastly I want to thank those of you who gave insightful advice that helped me through a tough period. To those who projected their own insecurities by telling me she was having a train run on her, seek help.

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  1. I think it’s better for the both of you in the long run. This outcome is better than coming to the same conclusion a couple years down the road with a lease and a tangled life together.

    You also saw how much of a priority she gave to you and your two year relationship. You may have seen this as a long term relationship, but she didn’t. I’d suggest it’d be better if you block her off completely at this point. I think blocking her would help you better in moving on with your life. There’s always the possibility that things may not work out with the other guy and she may get in touch with you to “rekindle” your relationship. It’d be better if you block her now and that you do not get back with her. IF she did this to you now, she can certainly do it again.

  2. Make sure to block her. IMO if you think she’s a cheater (and she kinda is), it’s way easier to get over her than to think the relationship didn’t work out. Make her the villain, cause she is.

  3. This was a mature decision for both of you

    She could’ve stayed with you, but easily could’ve cheated on you with this other guy

    I’m glad y’all broke up before this could happen

    As you said and i say this too, you can love someone, but it may not be meant to be.

    Good luck

  4. First, go live your life. Don’t ex-stalk online, don’t wonder if she’s going to come back. As soon as you feel ready, get out there. And if the potential for a fling falls in your lap, give it a shot.

    Second – everyone saying to cut her off forever and don’t take her back….yeah, if she hooks up with someone and then calls you in a month, I’d strongly suggest to don’t take her back. But if you run into her in a year or two and you’ve both had some time to grow and see if the “grass is greener” and she is interested and you are still interested, it’s ok to give it another shot. I know several very happy couples who have done that.

  5. Very mature decision on both parts. The fact that you put her needs ahead of your feelings may even allow you to rekindle something in the future, but do not waste your life waiting on this, if it’s meant to be it will happen, if it doesn’t, find closure in knowing you made the right decision for both of you

  6. From reading your first post its pretty obvious that she just wants to start something with the other guy. The only confusion she had was on how to make it all happen without looking bad. You need to block her and move on with your life. If things don’t go well with the other guy she may try to rekindle things with you but never allow that to happen, don’t ever be someone’s second choice.

  7. As someone who married at 22 (and divorced a decade and a half later) – better to end it amicably early than to have things devolve into cheating, hiding, mistrust and more.

    I’m glad that things seem to have ended amicably, but – while it sucks right now, please remember that a) you are very young, and b) your whole life will change over the next half decade. It hurts that things ended this way, but better to break up BEFORE the relationship devolves into full on physical infidelity.

    Spend time alone, and figure out the lessons you can take from this relationship. Figure out who you are, what you want, and who you want to be – and then focus on becoming that. If you can get comfortable being without another person in your life, you’ll never stay in a relationship out of fear of being alone. And that’s a really important goal to have.

    Good luck, OP – grieve the woman that you thought she was, the relationship that you had, and the future that you thought you were building together. You will get through this faster and healthier if you let yourself feel that grief, and you’ll come out of it ready to take on the next stage of your life.

  8. If your GF doesn’t want to move forward with than that’s fine. Find someone else who is serious about a long term relationship and is willing to move forward. This is better than getting married and then she has second thoughts. She has done you a huge favor. Move forward.

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