Friday, March 24, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy mom (66F) and stepdad stole my (27F) college funds

My mom (66F) and stepdad stole my (27F) college funds

So my biological parents split up when I was a four years old. In court they agreed upon some financial settlements. I received a copy of the actual court documents this week.

One of these agreements was that my biological would deposit 50 bucks into my savings account untill I am 18 old for college purposes.

When I was 18, and my mom gave me my card to the saving account, I see there is just a few hundred bucks on it. (at the time I didnt think anything of it since I wasn’t aware of the exact details of the divorce settlement and I was just happy with the money that was on there)

Now I am fully aware of the situation and know that my mom stole my college funds. They literally stole money from a kid. Its a few thousand bucks that they stole, (enough for at least 2 years of college in my country) which obviously would have made a huge difference to an 18 year old kid who wants to go to college but thinks she can’t afford it, and she is too scared of taking a loan.


I haven’t confronted them about it, but I really want to. I think its going to be a shitshow. (Our relationship isn’t great anyway)

I just need some insight from a stranger I think. I feel like this situation is messed up.


ps. I ended up going to college at 24, im still working to finish the course and still dont have financial stabilty. My life could have been so different if I had that money to go to college with when I was 18.

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  1. This is an incredibly shitty situation. In most cases to even think about getting your money back you’ll need to get the police and courts involved. For obvious reasons most people don’t want to do that to their parents even if their parents are awful.

    Unfortunately there’s no right way to go about this. I think going low contact while you think things through is a good idea. Maybe you’ll cut them off, maybe you’ll forgive, maybe you’ll land somewhere in the middle.

    Ideally, you’ll confront them, they’ll apologize and pay you back. But people who take money from their kids always have a million excuses and justifications.

    I’m sorry this happened.

  2. Before you confront your mother and stepfather, have you confirmed that the money was actually deposited by your biological father? There’s a nonzero chance that it was never there to begin with.

  3. If the account is in your name, you should be able to get a list of all transactions from and to it for years back. It can cost a few bucks but Id recommend you yo do it.

    That way you can verify how much money was deposited and by whom; as well as who has lifted the funds and when.

    Please do this before you confront anybody so you have the proof in your hand

  4. They straight up stole your money and there are cases like it every day. Find a lawyer who will take your case and only charge you if you win. There are plenty out there. Good luck!

  5. I no longer talk to my brother because he stole his kids’ inheritance from them (left by our father). The kids no longer talk to him either of course.

    I don’t see how I could remain on speaking terms with a parent who did that to me.

    Wishing you all the best to get through your studies and pay off your debt.

  6. $50 per week X 52wks X 14 yrs = $36,400

    That’s a lot of money for them to steal. Do you still talk with your bio dad? I’m sure he will be pissed to find your mum and stepdad stole all that money that he give for your education. There was a legal document written up to ensure that money was put aside for “you” and not so your mum and stepdad could enjoy it. Talk to your bio dad if you can and then talk to a solicitor/lawyer and get your mum to repay what she stole from you.

  7. I would suggest telling your Dad/make a police report if you haven’t already.

    If that money was part of a divorce settlement and your mum stole it, thats a breach of a court order.

  8. My parent did something similar, when I received a inheritance for college she took the majority of it and gave me only half, the first time it happened. The second time it happened she didn’t even inform me I had received an inheritance. I didn’t find out until I was 40. When I called her out on it, she said that I would have just blown it on something dumb that’s why she took it. After that I just told her not to expect anything from me ever again.

  9. Play the long game here. Don’t say anything yet but wait until she is really old and sick.

    Then when she comes to you for help, tell her that you know what she did and that she can piss off.

  10. Firstly you need to get statements of the account, so you can see how much was deposited, and how much was taken out.

    Then you need to get someone with legal knowledge to go over the entire document, because sometimes there is clauses in there saying that the funds can be taken out by your guardian parent for your needs.

    Then once you know exactly what happened, and what was allowed to happen by the court, if it is as you think you file a police report for theft.

    You do not confront your mom and stepdad, that is what the police are for.

    If there was a clause for them to take the money out for your needs, then you confront them and get details of what you needed that they took the money for, and no basic needs like a home, food and clothing are not normally valid reasons, it’s normally medical or dental work, or private schooling.

    Unfortunately it is very unlikely that you will ever see the money from them, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t take the necessary steps.

  11. It sucks for sure OP.

    Same thing happened to me, just different context. My parents divorced when I was 3 and the divorce agreement said my dad would contribute 5% of his net income yearly so I’d have a college fund. My dad did this, even added more than 5% many years; however, my stepmother was remarried my dad, go hooked on drugs and cheated on my dad while running off with my college fund. The worst part? She’s my brother’s mom and inherited millions from her own mother after the divorce and got clean and refused to give me anything back.

    Best advice I can give is this: it’s just money. Yes it sucks and it means things will be harder, but I’m 38 now (so this happened 20 years ago) and I didn’t let it hold me back. I put myself through college twice all by myself and now it’s all paid off. She still pretends to be nice to me and I can’t fully ditch her because of the link to my brothers but she has to know I’m not ok with what she did.

    You don’t have to forgive your mother, but you do need to deal with the fact that the money isn’t coming back and invest in yourself so you can move past this. Dwelling on it will bring you nothing but misery.

  12. My kids had money in trust. Not much but a few thousand. I ran into money issues, and cashed some of the funds out to help get out of hole. Kids were maybe teens at this point, both lived with me and the dad was a deadbeat.
    Had I not accessed that money, it’s likely the heat, hydro would have been turned off, and no food in the fridge. Well I worked, I served. And tips would drastically vary depending on our sections, so it was feast or famine.
    Talk to mom. Maybe there was a reason for that.

  13. I have some questions… What exactly does the court paper say? Like, “dad must deposit $50 every month in the account” or more specifically, “dad must deposit $50 into Op’s account for college”. Was your moms name on the account?

    It’s an incredibly shitty thing for her to do but depending on how the court paper is worded, there may or may not be anything you can do about it.

  14. Be upfront but have a plan of what you want to convey and what resolution you want. Don’t go into it with your emotions running the game. Try to be level headed but this needs to be said and accountability need less to be taken

  15. Get a record of your account deposits and withdrawals. Arm yourself with data and evidence. Make copies and put them in safekeeping. Then confront your Mom / SD. Lodge police report if theft is proven. And can yiu get your bio dad involved?

  16. Ask for access to the statements.

    Just because he was ordered to, doesn’t mean he did. It may have been all that was put into it.

    My Mom did this when I was young and used it to pay bills. When I learned that’s why she did it, I wasn’t angry. The amount my parents did for me greatly outweighed the cash I had in the account.

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