Thursday, March 23, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy parents said I’m not their daughter anymore.

My parents said I’m not their daughter anymore.

Hey all, I recently made a post here, but the world just throws more and more on me.

I (30F) divorced my husband (30M) 4.5 years ago. I didn’t want to, but my parents convinced me to because he had a serious alcohol problem. I couldn’t bear living without him. After talking to my therapist and getting the ok from her, I told him if he gives up the booze for good, I’ll be his wife again. Even though we were divorced we stayed faithful to each other, and I saved myself for him when he was clean. Yes, I called him every night after that and flirted with him, but we didn’t actually start dating again for almost 2 years. Quitting alcohol was not easy for him but I kept my end of the deal, and I gave him another chance.

I recognized the boy I fell in love with in high school, not the drunk I divorced. He is himself again. I told the kids we were “just friends” and he came around a lot more often. Our daughter caught him kissing my cheek once but we played it off well.

We got into couples therapy as well, it helped a lot. We secretly dated for over a year and a half, and a few days ago I became 100% confident that our relationship WILL work out this time, so I sat my kids down and told them that their father and I are getting back together, and that if it’s ok with them, he’s going to be living with us again. They were very very happy. It’s only been a few days but the family is back together. We share a bed, we walk them to school everyday, we do fun things as a family and I kiss and cuddle him 24/7. It feels so nice not having to hide this from my kids anymore.

I also told my brother, he was supportive.

Well, lastly was my parents. I wanted to tell them in person. I drove over there by myself, and stupidly took his car. (He drives this matte white Mercedes’, so they knew it was his car. when they saw me get out of it they knew what I was saying)

I told them straight up that he has been clean for 2 years now, him and I have been in therapy, and have been taking it slow for almost 2 years, and we decided we want to remarry.

They said I’m not their daughter anymore. My dad even called me a wh*re
My mom made a Facebook post calling me a “gold digger”, and informing all her friends she no longer considers me her daughter.

I am absolutely heartbroken. Is there any way I can tell this news to my partner pain free?

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  1. You’ve been all over reddit the last few days, saying some really concerning things about feeling guilty and suicidal, and your husband having a history of cheating and using your kids to manipulate you into getting back together. You keep getting reddit feedback you don’t want to hear and deleting posts. Maybe your parents are right to be concerned?

    What will you do if your husband relapses?

  2. Didnt you just just post a very different version of this story yesterday? And another the day before? No offense but it kinda seems like trolling at this point. The details are never the same and theres always some new drama going on

  3. It sounds like you are leaving out a lot of details about your husband’s behavior before your parents “pushed” you to get divorced. Parents usually stay out of it unless there’s obvious abuse and a danger to the kids.

    It sounds like they don’t want front row seats to the dumpster fire your relationship will return to when he relapses or cheats on you again. I’m guessing your husband is rich?

  4. From your previous post and how your parents have treated you please talk to your therapist about this especially about your thoughts. You could talk about it in couples Therapy too, I don’t think there’s a way to do it pain free you’ve just have to be honest about what’s happened

  5. This is all fine and good but what is your plan if he relapses? That your parents are not on board with this reconciliation is one thing but don’t think the danger is over. The same stresses he had before will stress him again. What’s your hard out? You need to know that first because I can see you staying with him if he starts drinking just to hide the fact from your parents.

  6. Pain free? No, but it sounds like you two can be okay with time. If your parents would totally disown you for this, you may be dodging a bullet by getting them out of your life. If they were honestly concerned for your well-being, they wouldn’t have reacted like that.

    Keep your distance from them and appreciate whoever supports you in your time of need.

  7. Honestly, if your husband was willing to sober up for you (no easy feat to be sure), he’s going to survive his in-laws not liking him. It will sting in the moment, but in the long term it might be better that they were upfront about it rather than making him forever strive for approval that they will ultimately never give. It’s good that you have your brother’s support, put work into that relationship b/c your parents will probably try to undermine it. If you have a good relationship with your in-laws, work on that too so your children have a healthy relationship with at least one set of grandparents. As for your parents, they will come around or else they won’t; either way, keep their toxicity out of your life. It’s great to hear that the two of you are back on track, hopefully everything works out for the best!

  8. OP – the fact that you are a mother and are exposing your kids to this relationship is sad. They will learn from you and your ex-current-soon to be husband what they should expect from their partner. It’s fine that you don’t care about yourself, but at least have the decency to change for them. This guy is not a good person and you are incapable of accepting this and making a change . Stop coming to Reddit – no one is buying your bullshit.

  9. Maybe your next post you can put all the details and truth into your post. So far every post has told you the same things…you just don’t want to hear it and keep deleting.

    No matter how many times you change your story, it’s still the same response! He cheated, your parents have a reason to hate him, yet you insist on not moving on with your life. He definitely saw other women, he didn’t pine for you like you did him. He’s relapsed several times.

    You need to let go and try dating other people! Stop being used by this man and get away. Your parents are finally giving up on you! Tough love.

  10. In order to help you we need to know the true.
    Is he out of alcohol for 2 years, is he doing therapy? Why are your parents against this? What happened in the past? What happens if your ex husband relapses?
    I am sorry but your children well-being are more important here than how much you love him.
    You need to put your children first – is there a risk of abuse for your children
    You cannot afford to loose the support of your parents and friends because of your ex – who is going to help you if he relapses or abuse starts etc?

  11. Husband has more problems than being an alcoholic. He is abusive and she is miserable with him. BUT he makes good money. Her parents strongly disapproved of her abusive husband, naturally. She keeps posting a slightly more watered down version of this story every day, making her husband seem less and less abusive each time. She is looking for people to validate her decision and condemn her parents so she doesn’t have to feel any remorse, or actually reflect on her decisions.

  12. First of all, it’s your choice, you are an adult.
    Your parents should support you even if they don’t like it or they have the choice to be angry or mean. In my opinion for two years, your husband did change for you, for the children and that’s what matters.

  13. Huh, ignore your parents and get on with your life. They are no longer a priority and will need to adjust their attitudes if they want to see their grandchildren again.

    So glad the hard work has been successful, all the best for the future.

  14. Your parents thought you were single this whole time and now your dropping this bombshell on them. I think your bf/husband to be needs to show your parents he truly has changed. They are worried about you as they see you going back to an alcoholic. Obviously what they said is not okay! But you need to show the progress to them

  15. Your parents sound incredibly toxic. I would tell him that you just had a cancerous tumor removed. When he asks for details, tell him it was your parents, then explain what happened.

  16. >They said I’m not their daughter anymore. My dad even called me a wh*re

    >My mom made a Facebook post calling me a “gold digger”, and informing all her friends she no longer considers me her daughter.

    >I am absolutely heartbroken. Is there any way I can tell this news to my partner pain free?

    1. Tell your partner, he needs to know. Telling him the truth is better than trying to hide the pain from him. You need to care about your own feelings as much as you care about his.

    2. Suggest you continue individual therapy and talk to your therapist about this.

    3. If they’ve disowned you, they are no longer your parents and you do not have to care what they think or say. This is easier said than done, and seeing a therapist will help. If you choose to, keep up a relationship with your extended family (don’t let your ex-parents gatekeep that relationship.

    4. Be prepared for your parents to want to have access to your kids. Keep a copy of that Facebook post. Document what your father said. They might try to call CPS etc. Be ready for that.

  17. Parents have one job….I used to think it was to protect their kids, but I’ve recently learned that a parent’s job is to support their kids.

    I hope your parents learn this, too.

    Congratulations to you and your former husband. It sounds like he has done the hard work to regain his family. I wish your family many many years of happiness.

    I hope your parents come around eventually….but that name calling? On Facebook? No.

  18. Some people are gonna be impossible to please. It’s very unfortunate to have to date in secret and not be open about the progress you’re making.

    Frankly, your parents seem to want to own you, not give you the opportunity to find what is best for your family. If they’re making you choose between them and your husband, say goodbye and don’t let yourself get caught up in their manipulation ever again. It’s the opposite of fair to call your child a gold digger for putting plenty of time and effort into fixing a broken relationship. Prove them wrong OP, be happy.

  19. Hateful parents acting so childishly. Better off without all that, with just this info to go on. Best of luck with the relationship. It’s a rare thing, what’s happened. Addicts have a tendency to self-destruct anything good in their lives.

  20. It may hurt, but you choosing him over them is what really matters. Just let him know it won’t come between you. What they are doing to is super controlling and just inappropriate. Sorry you’re going through this OP.

  21. Kudos to your husband for sobering up. Good for you for seeing him through it.
    I’m sorry your parents aren’t accepting, but that is their choice. Live your life. I wish you, your husband, and your children decades of happiness and good health.

  22. Honestly you two sound great, you helped him fight his alcohol problem and he values you above it and you two go to therapy together, sounds really healthy.

    Your parents sound miserable

  23. Usually women dating men with Mercedes are gold diggers. Maybe your parents think that is the case. Just give it some time, they will get use to it again

  24. Sweet, 2 less xmas presents this year. Honestly, after my parents told me they liked my husband more than me and to “not fuck this up” I just wear that as a badge of courage now…fuck them and you deserve better parents

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