It’s starting to become very irritating for me . He gets mad and says I always have a rebuttal for something for example this morning my 2 year old daughter woke up and I was on the phone with my mom so I wanted her to hear my mom voice , he gets mad and says that’s why she act like a baby you always kissing her and hugging her . So I responded back “ all I did was sit next to her “ he GETS MAD and now im a problem and so sick of me I always have something to say . it’s like every day I could be sitting minding my business and comes up with ANOTHER thing I did wrong or don’t do right and he tired of it . He say im in defense mode all the time with him I say it’s cause it feels like I could never do anything right in his eyes . He told me im not smart enough for him that I just don’t listen and if I don’t change then he can’t be with me . But I swear I try so hard to not make him mad even me sitting down not saying nothing unless he speaks to me seems to start something.
My partner (36M) has a problem every time I say something back when he trying to tell me a lesson of what I did wrong
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Just LET somebody tell me I shouldn’t be hugging & kissing my 2 year old! Lol! He sounds like a jealous, controlling loser.
Why on earth are you letting him talk to you like this with a child in the house let alone in general? That isn’t healthy for you to put yourself through but even more so it’s not healthy for a child to grow up hearing their father speak to their mother like that. This relationship is not healthy at all.
>He told me im not smart enough for him that I just don’t listen and if I don’t change then he can’t be with me
This is precisely the moment when you say goodbye, pack your stuff, and leave his stupid ass.
Well at 2 years old she is still a baby. Dude has some anger issues.
Question- how old are you? I would not tolerate a partner or anyone giving me a “lesson” unless it was a professor at university. Take your daughter & create a happier life for yourself!
Why do you put up with this idiot?
Your daughter isn’t a cry baby. Two year Olds are in a very important of emotional development and this asshole is going to make her feel worthless and like a burden a feeling that will follow her for the rest of her life.
Get out if you have the ability. This man doesn’t care about you he wants a puppet to control not a wife or partner.
Is there an age gap here?
He basically saying he wants you to be a good little submissive broken wife, who is cold to her daughter and deny her affection.
You can do so much better. Being a single mum would be so much better than this.
I was recently listening to Gabor Mate about his new book on trauma. Always kissing and hugging your baby is exactly what you should do. She needs to know early on that she is loved and accepted and cared for so she can grow up securely. Do not listen to his bullshit about that for one second.
Additionally, criticizing and picking at you all the time and telling you’re stupid is mentally and emotionally abusive. He’s breaking down your sense of self worth and your trust in your own decision making, and when you stand up for yourself he digs in even more. He doesn’t respect you or love you. Please get yourself and your daughter away from this man before he causes both of you life-long trauma. Your daughter needs a positive, supporting, loving male role model in her life so she understands what real love looks like. Please do it for her.
Go to a shelter, ask around. Leave as soon as you can.
My ex was the exact same but only any time I spoke back and was telling him my side or what I was doing it was always “it’s always excuses with you”.
You’re still young and have so much a head of you. Do not let your daughter grow up in a house where she sees this happening and thinks it’s okay. You’re doing nothing wrong by comforting your own child?!
If you’re somehow not smart enough for him leave him and let him go find the brains his looking for. It’ll sure be a wake up call when you stand up for yourself and walk away with your head held high
“I’m old school” “call me old fashioned” and “in my day” are sure fire indicators that you are listening to an imbecile talk.
At this point if you stay with him it’s on you.
Then let him find someone who is “smart” for him, or whatever the fuck he is saying. You have a child, if you continue this relationship guess what he is gonna start being that way with your child. He wants someone who is completely submissive to him. Let his ass go, throw his shit outside and tell him go chase that shit.
As a mom, I would never allow someone to tell me that I can’t show love to my own kid, fuck that noise.
He makes everything my fault even when he gets mad bout the smallest of things . I’ve changed a lot for him all the bad . What I have left is meee no I’m not going to agree with everything you say yes I do have own mind and opinions.
Why does this man have an issue with you showing affection to your 2 year old and why are you still with him?
He was angry at you for talking nicely to your 2 year old baby? He’s an asshole.
Please look into domestic violence shelters near you. They have resources for you to get to a safe place. the fact that he is trying to argue and engage in constant fighting can be a precursor to physical violence. Don’t tell him about it and try to do it from a place where you are safe.
Lmao what are you doing with a 36 year old buffoon who isnt wanted by women his own age? Threatening a breakup this way is a control tactic to get you to dance to his tune. Senseless jealousy + trying to “teach you a lesson” sis you not a circus animal have some self respect. My ex tried to “teach me a lesson” about standing up to her when she was wrong and I walked lmao
I seriously don’t understand why people on this sub date over ten years their own age then complain when the older partner is abusive. Well, no shit, if people their age are smart enough to steer clear, why are you still with them? He literally said he’s too smart for you and that you’re a dumbass. Like where’s your common sense he doesnt give a fuck about you? You’re a bangmaid at best
He doesn’t care for you of the child he just wants someone to run down, is this what you want for your life and your child’s, you need to make a decision
He sounds emotionally unstable, mentally unhinged and abusive. If there is some deep-seated trauma he’s not dealt with or there is some massive issue he’s not communicating he needs to sort his shit out and articulate himself better.
Who gets pissed at a child for acting like a child? It just sounds like he’s angry about something else and using you as an excuse and emotional punching bag. Who says to the person they’re supposed to love that “you’re not smart enough for me”?
I’m honestly worried for your safety
your partner sounds insufferable
Would you stand by and let him do this to your daughter…. put her down or get angry at her for answering back? Because thats what kids do…
No
He seems abusive and toxic. Take your baby and leave.
Don’t let her grow up thinking it is normal for a man to constantly have a woman on edge or watching what she says or does. ♡♡♡
He sounds emotionally immature. That becomes emotional abuse for your child. My dad forced my mom to never hug or tell me she loved me. My dad did the same. I never knew what it was to be loved growing up. I hug and kiss my 2 year old ALL day and so does my husband. We are emotionally mature and have no problem expressing ourselves, especially love for others. Love is kind and patience. Love does not envy or get jealous. Your child will benefit from the love in your family but lack of love will cause trauma.
Time for some reading.
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Why haven’t you packed your bags and told him to fuck off?
Let me guess, he is significantly older than you?
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There’s a reason he’s chasing women so much younger
My 15 and 21 year olds still need hugs. He’s a bad father.
He’s being emotionally abusive and you should dump him.
I’m not sure how long you two have been together. But this is textbook resentment and controlling behaviour. He feels inferior in a part of his life and takes it out on you. Or is entitled and thinks he settled for you which I’m sure is a delusion to him. He thinks he can afford to make threats like I’ll leave if you don’t change this and that. If he’s an asshole. Leave. Especially with the kid. Two homes are better than a volatile one. If they are constantly getting mad and saying you need to change this or that. They are dating you for convenience not for you.
Lady you have to leave this relationship. It sounds toxic and everyday your with him it eats away at your confidence as a human being. People like this are so unhappy in their lives that they try to out others down so they don’t seem so bad. If he’s that unhappy with you than he can do one!
By accepting this from your husband you are teaching your daughter that this is normal behavior. Dude sounds like a misogynistic PoC. I can’t stay with someone who would disrespect me like that
This sounds like he resents you or is building some sort of resentment.
He may need therapy. This dude sounds like someone who gets drunk and beats his wife cuz his life didn’t turn out the way he wanted
OP, ask him directly why he’s acting like that.
Unless there is neglect, physical , psychological, emotional, or a combination of them, no discipline or training then he has no right to dictate your relationship with your child. If he has no sisters, then he can sit back, listen and observe as he will need to learn how to be a dad to any girl. By the way, the word dad means the same as father except in a loving, kind, caring and gentle manner. The only person who gets to determine that he gets called dad at all is his daughter.