Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy wife hates most of my interests and it makes me depressed

My wife hates most of my interests and it makes me depressed

My wife really hates most of my taste in music and movies and TV.

I put on a song I like and she wants it off because she cannot stand it.

I watch wrestling and she despises it.

I follow world events and she hates when I talk about it.

I don’t know if I am being childish about this but it is eating away at me and making me feel depressed.

Most of the time I try to compromise on what to watch but she can be so outspoken when she doesn’t like something.

I think she likes to be oppositional. During the Covid vaccine controversy she got fired from her job because she refused the vaccine and keeps saying I could have health issues because I got the 2 doses.

I don”t know if she is being oppositional to my interests on purpose. Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t give what I like a fair chance.

It is kind of making me bitter because I give her interests a fair chance.

Not that I am a perfect partner. I have things to work on.

But this just makes me depressed.

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  1. Healthy relationships don’t have to mean that you both have the same interests. But when you don’t, you’ll respect each other’s interests, and find compromise for each other.

    Without going line by line, she hates what you laid out. Those things apparently can’t be on or discussed when you’re together. So what about what she likes? You say you try to compromise, but there’s no compromise to be had. It’s what she wants or nothing at all.

    When we then get to COVID, things just get markedly worse. The thing is, even if we ignore her feelings on that, the two of you just are and have always been incompatible. She disagreed with everything before you got married, but you got married nonetheless. Why? Did you expect that to change?

    So then you say you think she’s oppositional on purpose. I mean, would the alternative be that it’s an accident? She likes what she likes. She’s told you what she hates and controls what goes on. Of course it’s on purpose.

    I assure you that we all agree with you that you’re not being unreasonable. But us giving you that validation isn’t going to change anything, because now that we’ve told you that, what’s your plan? Do you think you’re going to be able to change things?

    The hard truth is that you need to stand up for yourself and insist on compromise. If it won’t happen, you need to talk to a lawyer. Good luck.

  2. if you don’t share any interests how did you even get together ? what do you talk about ? surely, this hasn’t always been the case right… i feel like something is missing here…

  3. >I put on a song I like and she wants it off because she cannot stand it.

    >I watch wrestling and she despises it.

    >I follow world events and she hates when I talk about it.

    Why would you marry someone that treats you like this?

  4. I don’t share all of my spouse’s interests- she’s very deeply invested in paleontology and evolution as topics and knows soooo much more than me because it’s what she likes (and what I’m pretty neutral on). At the same time, I don’t shut her down. I don’t act annoyed or tell her she can’t talk about it with me. In fact, I encourage her to talk about it, because I know it matters to *her* and makes *her* happy.

    You don’t have to love everything your spouse loves- you can straight up even hate their interests imo if it’s something like a show you can’t stand. But being an asshole about it isn’t cool.

  5. Tonight is Thursday, which is the night in which we do things the other one hates. It’s like an anti date night, I suppose.

    And it is done without judgement, without comment, maybe a little teasing about something, but very little. It is perfectly healthy to not just like different things but even hate something your partner loves. But you have to be able to compromise. He likes audio books in the car. I like flipping through music stations. So we found we like listening to comedy on drives. We have tried very hard to find what kind of video and VR games we would like to play together. A bit harder but we found a few things. Sometimes I tolerate him telling me the entire life story of generations of video game characters. In return he listens to me babble on about home renovation shows. So it is a mix. Time apart to do independent things. Tolerating something you don’t like for a bit. Finding things you like together. I believe every couple needs all three. It’s like a stool. One leg missing and it cannot stand.

  6. My ex was like this. Little by little he insulted every single thing that gave me joy. Eventually, my life was gray and I could not think of a single thing to look forward to.

    Fast forward to now, my life is full colour, and he is a distant memory. I am enthusiastic about so many things and my life is joyful on a daily basis in multiple ways.

    This is not a small relationship problem you have. This is a massive problem. Your partner does not respect you and does not want you to have your own happiness and joy. Ask yourself why.

  7. If you arent getting joy out of your relationship, leave it. I guarantee there are greener grasses than 2 people who hate spending time with each other.

  8. I was with a partner like this for nearly 2 decades and it wore me the fuck down. This is probably only one of the problems. Put yourself first, dont be miserable and depressed the rest of your life

  9. > During the Covid vaccine controversy she got fired from her job because she refused the vaccine and keeps saying I could have health issues because I got the 2 doses.

    Oh, she’s a moron! You buried the lede a bit here. Her problem isn’t just completely rejecting your interests, it’s completely rejecting reality itself.

  10. It kind of sounds like she’s possibly trying to start an argument on purpose. Part of my wants to be like “are you paying her enough attention” but then sometimes people are just mean :/

  11. >I think she likes to be oppositional.

    You may have hit on the truth there. I’m not sure if there’s any way around that except to point out that a bit of respect is required if 2 people live together because you’re never going to exactly align with each other’s tastes.

    I found when raising a boy that his tastes were much different to his sisters but every bit as legitimate.

  12. I can see why that would make you miserable, but it’s far better to come to this conclusion now than down the road, so good on you OP. I think you have a strong case of plain old incompatibility, and probably her being spiteful too.

    Are these issues things that could be addressed in therapy? Yes. Should you expect therapy to make your relationship enjoyable? You could, but I wouldn’t.

    Anybody willing to get fired over a vaccine is simply a danger to society. If not for your own sake, recognize that she is making bad choices for herself and certainly any kids you have or would have. Vaccination saves so many people from preventable diseases and saves so much money preventing hospital stays. This is only my preference, but attaching antivax to poor life decisions is a clear and permanent dealbreaker. I cannot recommend staying married to someone who treats life like that.

  13. My husband and I are very different in tastes with movies, books ( he don’t like to read). We are like night and day and we just celebrate 14 years together. We respect each other liking and we found we like something together.
    For you wife to be like this , I would rather be single because is not only spiteful I don’t think to this point therapy would help. Because at the beginning she did not like it but now she can’t stand your stuff.

  14. Have you expressed to her how this makes you feel? It sounds like your frustration is pretty valid here. You can have a really healthy relationship even if there are interests that aren’t shared. For example, I do NOT care about sports. At all. Whatsoever. But if my partner cared about sports and I saw the joy he received from sharing a highlight or telling me about something that happened, I think it’s important to listen because he’s not just sharing a sports stat. He’s sharing his joy. And if that joy is smacked down repeatedly it kind of dampens the whole experience.

    All that to say, it sounds like something deeper could be going on here. Are there any shared interest you have together? Do you spend time together doing those things? I’m just wondering where her negativity is coming from, and really you won’t know until the need is expressed and the questions for deeper understanding are asked. Lead with curiosity and feelings.

  15. How did you end up together? Surely this isn’t new? It doesn’t sound like the lack of common interests is the issue, I think it’s that she acts as though she might actually hate you. People who care about each other don’t treat each other this poorly.Donyou have the same values or so you see the world in fundamentally different ways? If the unkindness is new it could be thar she is depressed, talk about it, see if she’s willing to change and stop acting like she hates you and wants to destroy the marriage.

  16. Sorry but how did you marry a person like this? knowing a partners interests and hobbies is a big deal in a relationship idk how this was overlooked.

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