My boyfriend of 2 years really, really wants to marry me. He has told me many times I am the love of his life and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He wants to marry me as soon as possible. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I’m too young to be married right now. I’ve told him this many, many, many times. We agreed to get married in 2025 because of it. But boyfriend still wants to propose to right away.
I’ve known he was gonna propose. We have already picked out an engagement ring together. He’s asked me how I wanted to be proposed to, and I told him in a romantic way, with just the two of us. I don’t want to be proposed to in public, or just out of the blue at home while I’m studying or something. I know it’s selfish to say but I want my heart to pound with love during the moment.
Well. Since then it seems like boyfriend has ignored everything I said I wanted. He’s asked me to marry him 5 times out of the blue at home while I’m doing chores or something. He doesn’t go down on one knee or give me the ring just “Hey wanna get married”. I’ve always said “I’m too young to be married right now, but an engagement is good if you ask me in a romantic way”.
This is where the title comes in, yesterday me and boyfriend went to ren Faire with our close friends. And earlier that week I had a gut feeling he was gonna propose. So earlier that week I specifically told him over the phone “I don’t want you to propose at ren faire, please don’t, that isn’t how I want it to go, I hate being the center of attention”.
Well as we were regrouping and getting ready to leave. Boyfriend (very tipsy) comes up to me and pulls out the ring and gets down on 1 knee. And he asks me in public surrounded by people. I freak out and say “I’m too young” and try to walk away. But boyfriend insists like “we can still be engaged”. So I said fine and he put the ring on. Then people started clapping and I wanted to die. I still want to die thinking about it.
Right away I told him, this isn’t how I wanted it to go, and I told him to please try again. Because I hate public proposals. Well he took the ring back and he’s been spiraling down and emotional rabbit hole. He devastated and mad that I rejected him.
And I need reddits help for what to do next. He hasn’t talked to me since ren Faire. I try and talk to him about it, saying I still love him, and he’s not the problem. But I’m just ignored. What do I do next? I don’t know how I can bring him out of this funk. Are my requests too much? I just really need some advice.
The fact that you has told him many times that you don’t want a public proposal and he did it anyways shows he either doesn’t listen to what you want, or doesn’t care for what you want.
My (now) wife didn’t want a public proposal. I proposed with no one around an no engagement party afterwards. I don’t understand how so many people don’t listen to what their partners want.
Do you really think he’s the one when he hasn’t respected your wishes or even thought about what you would like and ignores you?
It seems clear to me that this has revealed some *very* important things about your boyfriend’s character that should not be ignored by you.
Do you see that as well?
He doesn’t care what you want, he just wants to get married. He ignored your boundaries for his selfishness.
You may be too young for marriage but young enough to find better fish in the sea. Dump him if he’s going to keep ignoring your boundaries.
Oh honey. This guy has just revealed a very important part of himself. He can’t take no for an answer. I don’t know what’s going on with him but he seems to be pressuring you into marriage. I don’t know if he did it in public despite your wishes because he doesn’t listen or if he did it to pressure you to say yes. Either way you really need to think long and hard if you want to spend the rest of your life being emotionally blackmailed.
You told him. He still did it. Can feel shame all he wants
He has ignored all of your boundaries.
He even talked you into getting engaged as a compromise because you said no to getting married when you’re this young.
What else do you need to know? He is actively ignoring what you want to get what he wants. This is going to keep happening every time you’re not on the same page.
What will happen if he wants children right away but you feel you’re to young? Prepare for him to mess with birth control to get his way. Or he wants a certain house or wants to move to a specific place? Prepare for him to just go ahead and buy. I wouldn’t be able to trust him after this.
Ask yourself why he is so fixated on putting a ring on you. You told him so often that you feel too young. It is as if he want to mark you as, so that other man don’t come after you when they see the ring. He also gives a shit about your wishes. He not only did a public proposal, no, he was drunk while doing it. How romantic. He clearly wanted to use the public pressure so that you say yes. I would demand that he stop with the proposals for at least one year.
Also… he now uses silent-treatment to punish you and to manipulate you to do what he wants. Silent-treatment is a method for abuser and toxic people. I would start to rethink the relationship and if he often showed such a manipulative and selfish behaviour before, but you didn’t realize it. Right now he really just is a walking red flag. It is all me, me, ME.
Let go, move on , he doesn’t care about you or what you want, you are an possession, your feelings don’t matter
>Are my requests too much?
No they are rather normal and easy to do if one isn’t an absolute knob head.
I’d be reconsidering this relationship if I were you. I don’t like how he’s continuously ignoring your wants and needs for something so big as marriage. You’re both young, he literally ignored everything you said you wanted about the proposal. He is mad that you rejected something you already told him you would reject! Does he often do this in other situations? Get mad at you if you don’t play along with what he wants? Does he display any other problematic concerns:
A bad temper
Cruelty to animals
Extremely controlling behavior
Antiquated beliefs about roles of women and men in relationships
Forced sex or disregard of their partner’s unwillingness to have sex
Sabotage of birth control methods or refusal to honor agreed upon methods
Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens
Sabotage or obstruction of the victim’s ability to work or attend school
Controls all the finances
Abuse of other family members, children or pets
Accusations of the victim flirting with others or having an affair
Control of what the victim wears and how they act
Demeaning the victim either privately or publicly
Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others
Harassment of the victim at work
For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now. From ncadv.org
You should think long and hard about even continuing this relationship. He’s got some fantasy in his head about all of this, and it has nothing to do with what you actually want.
You guys shouldn’t get married at all.
Pretty manipulative to propose in public when you repeatedly said you didn’t want him to.
Caught you off guard and in public and made it almost impossible for you to say no.
Think about that
Take it as blessing that he’s not speaking to you and break up? This guy has ignored your very valid boundaries so many times, is this the link of person you want to be with for the rest of your life?
He sounds dumb.
You do nothing but end the relationship.
How many times can you tell your dimwitted bf you don’t want a public proposal nor do you want to be married?
This engagement and marriage sounds like it’s 100% about him and nothing about you. He didn’t even respect you giving him the heads up about how you want to be proposed to. You literally told him don’t propose at the Ren faire and he did. I think you should really put your foot down and give him an ultimatum and tell him do not even mention marriage until he’s ready to actually listen to you. His feelings are valid but it doesn’t seem like he’s validating yours.
He’s manipulative and doesn’t care about what you want. Better you find out now than later. You are too young to ber married take that from someone who got married at 21 thinking I was so mature).
I’d break up honestly. More than likely he won’t get better at respecting yiu. You were very clear about what you wanted and didn’t want. On top of that he was drunk when he proposed. Classy guy. Not worth your time
I genuinely didn’t know it was a socially acceptable thing to be like, “I didn’t like that proposal. Do it again and do it better.” It just never occurred to me that you can do that. Wow.
OP, at this point I think you need to realise that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass what you want or how you feel. He’s done nothing but pressure you for a marriage you’re not ready for, ignore your clearly stated wishes, and blame you for reacting badly to him doing the exact opposite of what you asked for. I think marrying this guy at all would be a bad idea, at least until he’s proven he can consistently treat you with respect.
this is so cringe. surely this isn’t the only way he’s socially inept. id leave him. good luck
Why would you even want to marry this guy?
I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation about the excessive proposals. Why the desperation to get married? Especially since you’ve expressed your feelings on the matter. Is there an insecurity, abandonment trauma? And also take a step back and reflect on the relationship altogether.
He’s so pushy and can’t take no for an answer. Honestly he needs to work on boundaries what happens when he wants a baby but you’re not ready? All I’m saying is keep your birth control well away from him…
He needs therapy or something he needs to respect you more
He is going to continue this type of behaviour for the rest of your relationship. He will ask your opinion, pretend to agree and then just do whatever he wants. How will that feel on your bachelor/bachelorette nights? Your wedding day? Your honeymoon? What about your home? Your birth control? And if you do have kids, how will he handle your pregnancy, your birth, raising your child and respecting their boundaries?
You need to think long and hard about whether you want your opinions and wants and needs treated like this for the rest of your life.
If he’s this completely unconcerned with your wants, needs and feelings, and is making you a prop in his life to fulfill his needs and wants only, then you don’t want to be with this man. He may just need to mature, he may be this kind of a selfish person for the rest of his life. But he’s pushing you to commit while he’s this selfish person, and I would walk away instead.
He shouldn’t be pushing you to be engaged or married as you repeatedly told him you are too young and unready. Marriage is a HUGE commitment and it doesn’t seem like he’s taking it very seriously either. I prefer to be engaged sooner (21F) by my bf (25M) because we’ve been together for 3 years, but we want to have a place lined up and he wants to buy me an expensive ring. There’s no rush (: he should just chill and enjoy the relationship!
I typically advise men not to get married 27-28, and nobody should get married before 26.
Your boyfriend’s immature, fails to listen to your desires and requests and continues to push an agenda ignoring your wants and needs.
I’m begging you don’t marry him. In fact just end the relationship and make this a valuable lesson learned on how a man should not act.
Best of luck.
Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you should be reconsidering a relationship with a guy who doesn’t listen to your repeated clear requests or communicates with you when he’s upset? Getting engaged isn’t about being with you, it’s about ticking a box in his own head.
This is a blessing. He’s showing you who he is and that person is someone who doesn’t respect you. Move on. Be free and live your life young un’. You have your whole goddamn adult life to be married to someone. Don’t do it in the era where you’re most evolving and figuring out what kind of life you want. Personally, I wish I had waited until my very late 20’s early 30’s.
Are you on birth control? Might want to get that checked out. Don’t want to get babytrapped…
Your relationship isn’t as good as you think it is. Ignoring your wishes is basic at this point
He ain’t the one, girl
He is not the one.
Why are you with someone who tramples the simplest boundaries? Don’t propose in public, but make it romantic between the two of us. Easy ground rules.
He has ignored it how many times?
I’m glad you know you’re too young, but why get engaged to someone who doesn’t listen or respect you?
I get the sense that he doesn’t respect your wants
Stop dating someone who tramples over your VERY clear boundaries that you’ve shared and repeated SEVERAL times.
I am seriously sidy eying a 24 yo man who wants to marry you THIS badly. Makes me think hes trying to hide something and wants to lock you down stat.
It really seems like you should give him the ring back and tell him not to ask you again for at least 6mos. Hes WAY too pressed to make this happen DESPITE you saying no and having a clear boundary. Hes so focused on it that hes not even able to do it in a manner youve TOLD him to do repeatedly.
This just sounds like a recipe for disaster. Its nit your job to help him feel better. Its his fault for not listening. And the fact that he cant do that as a 24 yo adult is a big red flag.
Everyone thinks they met their soulmate at 24. Let me tell you, this guy isn’t your soulmate. A soulmate would hear what you want and follow that. Instead he’s an immature idiot who proposed at the ren faire. Might as well have put the ring in a turkey leg bc that’s just as bad.
You’re right, he’s not the problem. You are. Your mixed signals are maddening, no doubt. You’re too young to get married, but you can get engaged, but only if it’s the way you want, and if it’s not the way you want, you don’t want to get engaged, etc.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? You have to answer this for yourself before you can answer it for him. And I don’t mean “what kind of proposal do you want?” because that’s the absolute LEAST important part of all of this. It really is unimportant. It’s a performance, a ritual, that’s done AFTER a decision about marriage is made. Immature women want their male partners to jump through hoops with the proposal bc it makes them feel powerful and wanted, but what, exactly, about “I want to spend the rest of my life partnered to you,” no matter how it’s said, would make you feel UNwanted?
Grow up, OP, and figure out if you want to be married or not. If the answer is “not yet” then SAY “not yet.” A long engagement is really not a yes. And I think you’ve been too caught up in the form of the matter and not enough in the substance of it. Say yes if you’re ready to marry now. Say “not yet” if you think you’ll be ready in a few years. And say no, if you don’t know when you’ll be ready. Grow up, learn to identify your own desires and needs, and take responsibility for them.
Yikes. Your guy needs to take a hint, or just listen. There are soo many ways to keep this lowkey and romantic. Dude was tipsy at one of the most important moments of his life. If he is warned specifically not to do something that’ll make you uncomfortable, he should’ve left the ring at home and just got drinks/had fun
My way or the hi way type of guy, huh? Well, that’s going to be your life. You’re ready for that?
This guy is not the one. He is disrespectful of your wishes already.
Are you excited by the prospect of being married to him? Or are you just comfortable so you don’t want to break up? If the idea of getting engaged doesn’t excite you, maybe you need to rethink this relationship. If getting engaged to him does excite you, then maybe you should propose to him. You’ll get the type of proposal you want, and he obviously doesn’t care about the proposal so he should be excited by it, and he’ll know you’re as invested in the relationship as him.
Common sense should tell you that if your wishes are ignored during the dating phase they will especially be ignored during the marriage. Sounds like your bf maybe just wants to be married right now, and doesn’t care as much about who he is married to. My guess is if you break up he’ll be engaged in 8 months.
Now let’s see how long it takes him to try to get you pregnant you’re not moving at his timeline so he’s going to push the boundaries that you have set which he has already done with the public proposal now he’s going to try to force you to marry him by getting you pregnant trust me you don’t know me from a hole in the wall but trust me girlfriend that’s what’s going to happen next or he’s going to try to make it happen
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