Sunday, March 26, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceMy(M23) girlfriend’s(F25) mother tried to embarrass me in front of her church...

My(M23) girlfriend’s(F25) mother tried to embarrass me in front of her church and when it back fired she banned me from stepping foot in her house.

So I started dating my GF 5 months ago. She’s religious no sex until marriage and I’m atheist I was raised in church but as I got older I established my own views I just don’t believe god is real. I know very unlikely couple I don’t fully know how it came about either but it works for us. Around our 3 month mark she wanted me to meet her mother but warned me that her mother is much more religious than her. The first time I met her I actually went to church and we had Sunday dinner and that’s when I revealed to her family that I don’t believe in god and her mother became visibly upset calling me a faker and saying how could I even go to church and be in her house if I’m not a god fearing man and even accused me of trying to taint her daughter say. It was very tense and sense then her mom didn’t like me. Now my gf and I had an agreement that I would go to church with her twice out of the month I did it because of course I respected her beliefs and I know how happy me being there with her made her, even if I did not care to hear what they were saying. A week ago her mother invited me to church with them and at their church they have a segment where they welcome all of the visitors and let them introduce themselves. Her mother took that opportunity to tell me to stand up and introduce myself and let the whole church know that I did not believe in god. I was very embarrassed I did not like being called out, but I stood my ground and said I don’t believe in god I’m only here for my gf I know how much it means for me to be here and support her. And the preacher said “rather it be god or love I’m happy you’re here and you’re welcome any time you like”. Safe to say her mother did not like that and when we got back to her home she kicked me out and said it was very disrespectful for me to be there and that I was a faker for dating her daughter and going to church. When honestly I just enjoy being there for my gf there’s no I’ll intent it doesn’t bother me when she prays, I’ve never once faked anything I’ve done for her the wild part is her mother is the only person in her family who has an issue with me. She supports and understands me the same way I do for her. She’s the only girl I’ve ever dated that feels right for me because there are no crazy expectations it just nice and peaceful besides her mom. I know this is also hurting my gf too she cries and prays about it.

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  1. Dude, the faker is your gf’s mother.

    She didn’t invite you to church to get closer to her god or to be in support of her daughters beliefs, she invited you to her church to publicly embarrass & shame you in front her congregation. It was a fake invitation!

    Luckily the preacher knows his shit & wasn’t having any of it.

    You & your gf are old enough to speak for yourselves, so I wouldn’t be taking any more shit from the REAL faker here, her mother.

  2. I wouldn’t go to the mother’s home ever again. If you wish to continue to go to church services with your gf, do so. Be civil to the mother if you see her at church, but don’t engage her in conversation. I’d say that you got a good welcome from the pastor. You did an excellent job of standing up for yourself and showed a lot of maturity. If the mother continues to give you grief, I would look for another church to attend with your gf. Wishing you the best of luck going forward.

  3. I am kind of confused, what is your girlfriend doing here? Why didn’t she have a go at her mum for putting you on the spot like that or for making drama when there shouldn’t be, she should be defending you here. I would also be so embarrassed if ANY of my family members did this to my partner, let alone my mum!

  4. Just…if you want kids in the future, you need to discuss now with her what the boundaries are and how you would approach religion with your children. So many stories of people who date for years, get married, etc. knowing they have opposite beliefs, and then the kids come and they can’t believe their partner would teach them their own beliefs. You have to get that out in the open before you are in the position of having one on the way.

  5. People like your gf’s mother are one of the reasons people don’t like religion. Yall have a great preacher.

    My grandma always told me that God is love and the devil is hate. As long as you believe in love than you will be with me in Heaven.

    Yo gf’s mother speakin from the devil

  6. Is there a reason you need to keep going around her mother? The woman clearly has no respect for you. I’m surprised your gf lets her mother talk to you this way, pretty sad imo. I’d stop going to the mothers house .

  7. Your girlfriend doesn’t really have to choose between you two now, but eventually she will. Sure, it’ll work out for a while. But what about if you two get married? Have kids? Move away? Is she gonna run back to her mom to placate her and leave you behind until her mom calms down? Are you gonna be able to handle what could be a lifetime of hostile behavior? I’m not saying this relationship is doomed, but I am saying that the two of you need to have a serious talk about what you can and cannot handle from her mother and if she is willing to choose you if it would come down to that.

  8. Hello!
    I’m a Christian. First, let me tell you, I’m horrified that she’d ban you from your home because you don’t share the same views. Please believe me when I tell you that isn’t behavior a Christian woman should be displaying. We’re called to love everyone, regardless of your beliefs. What is worse to me is that you went to church and she somehow saw fault in that. You don’t believe, you would think maybe she’d WANT you to be in the church in hopes of changing your heart and mind regarding this. This gatekeeping mentality some christians have makes me so sad. I have a good friend who is NOT Christian and identifies as Atheist/Agnostic, and she occasionally will go to church because she says being there makes her feel at peace.

    You didn’t do anything wrong in my opinion, but knowing people like her, I also know it’ll be hard to get on her good side unless you conform to her way of thinking and… quite frankly I don’t believe this is the type of woman you’d want to model any sort of belief system off of, honestly, if you were to engage and show true interest.

    Just be there for your girlfriend, love her and make her smile when she cries. I’m really sorry that you have to deal with this.

  9. >I don’t fully know how it came about either but it works for us.

    You mean it *worked* for you. It doesn’t anymore. If her mother is this intolerant, and your GF is unwilling to stand up to her Mom (like, maybe moving out), your relationship has no chance. Your GF is already crying and praying about it, FFS!

    It a gigantic religious boulder, OP. And you’re the guy trying to push it with a feather duster. It’s nor gonna work.

  10. My man, you sound quite young. This is what you call a fundamental incompatibility. You guys have fundamentally different views and it has already soured the relationship. It sounds like your first relationship so obviously you’d want it to work. But part of growing is also understanding when to recognize that a situation is not healthy and should be avoided. This is one of those times. Sure she’s a nice girl and means well, it’s probably a great relationship. But unless some major changes happened it’s pretty much doomed. You will never be enough for her mother and unless your gf is willing to completely cut her out at some point this will always be a stain on the relationship. Relationships don’t always end because something bad happens. Sometimes it’s for things out of your control. Sure it’s easier to stay, but the better choice is to leave. I think you know that.

  11. I never thought I’d be quoting Billy Joel, but

    “Your mother told you all that I could give you was a reputation. She never cared for me, oh but did she ever say a prayer for me?”

    Because a “real” Christian would be on their knees praying that you’d come back. And obviously that’s between you and G-d, and it may never happen. But that isn’t her call.

    As far as the girlfriend, you need to figure out if you may want kids one day, and how you plan to raise them. It’s probably too early for this talk, but that will be important in the future.

    Good luck.

  12. How can you tell if someone’s an atheist? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you

    Break up with this girl and let her find a nice church enjoyer. You’re causing too much bullshit to happen

  13. What is your GF doing about her mom? What Mom tried to do is NOT Christian behavior (in the true nature, not the warped ideal too many people pay lip service to).

    You are not asking her to choose, her mother is doing that.

  14. This relationship is not gonna work out. Besides her mother you two are incompatible. The religious divide is gonna be the end of your relationship eventually. Also you wont know if you two sexually compatible until you get married. You should cut your losses.

  15. This can cause a rift between her and her mother’s relationship which isn’t fair to either of them. Also, you agreeing to go to church is nice and all, and this is coming from a religious woman (me – haha), but it sounds like her having you agree to go could be her way of trying to change you over and get you to become a faithful believer. My husband and I are both Christians of very different denominations and we went to each other’s churches and he chose mine. No force, but when you bring someone to an event like that it is an attempt to change their perspective 9/10 and no one will ever fess up to that! Why else do you think we hold seminars at church and sermons are opened to the public? We are trying to get people on God’s side! Young and old, believers, nonbelievers… We want those who are curious or struggling to come to us and us show them God and his word and shine a light so they praise him too. It’s how we do it! No ill intent obviously since it’s not forced, rather just a friendly invite!

    Side Note and worthy mention: I have a relative who is an atheist, none of his marriages with Christian women worked out. Why? Because eventually, down the road, they tried to convert him and that led to his backlash and him trying to convert them to atheism. It never truly works… I’ve seen it always fail.

    I’m not trying to say your relationship will, it may flourish, but it’s give and take when your beliefs are so entirely different!
    I’ve seen Christians convert to Judaism and vice versa, and etc. but that’s usually easier because you have two religions that are either extremely similar or branched from one another. No faith and not believing in God can cause problems for a religious partner. And being overly religious or faithful can cause problems for a non religious partner.

    When you have children, if you choose to, what are they to be taught? She will push Christianity and you’ll either say for them to choose or for them to be non religious like you and then you may face backlash or she will feel backlash.

    How will holidays go? Will Jesus and the nativity movies be welcome around Christmas? Will they not? What about Easter?

    The future is to be thought out!

    I think it would be a good idea to sit down and talk this all out with her and see where her heart is and what she wants. What she thinks and feels about her and her mom’s relationship now, and delve deep into this pressing matter…

  16. Hey bro I know you feel this relationship works right now but as your gf may get stronger in her faith she may come to realize that she’s in direct opposition with what the bible speaks about on the very nature of the relationship, I can understand the mother being disappointed with her being with you because we aren’t supposed to date/marry unbelievers. With that being said none of us are perfect, we are all sinners and it is ungodly to be unkind and how she treated you was wrong, I’m sorry she tried to embarrass you, that was a very WICKED thing to do and I wish someone would call her out on that so she can repent, if anything, she seems like the faker to me. Just because she goes to church doesn’t mean she is a real follower of the faith, you gotta walk the part too in real life and she has failed to demonstrate that in your presence. She’s giving us a bad name and embarrassing us. Anyways, back to my point, in the long run the relationship probably won’t work out even though things seem good now, you’re better off ending things now and finding someone you share the same beliefs with, this won’t end well, unless you see her straying away from her faith eventually, the relationship is a ticking time bomb.

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