Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceNearly 2 Week Update: I am leaving my fiancé of 8 years

Nearly 2 Week Update: I am leaving my fiancé of 8 years

Hey everyone, just want to give a quick 2 week update. Nothing has changed with my ex and we have gone no contact per my request. I have been pretty depressed and upset lately due to everything but I have read some comments on here and I have to say many of you cheered me up. Especially on a, I guess an update sub, where they take stories ands share them there (this is the thread my ex found and sent me). I read one thread of comments by some women that brought me to tears. They were saying who they were glad that there are men who are confident enough to wear makeup and jewelry and other things like I do and think it is sexy. I don’t remember the exact quote but one said that she think it shows his masculinity and that it is attractive to be confident in himself to know worry about what others think and does what makes him happy. I just want you to know you brought me to tears ands made me feel better on some of my worse days so far and thank you so much for your comment.

Anyway, not much has happened so far. I do have to go into the office this week for some business so wish me luck. But anyway, this last weekend was really really hard. There was nothing to do for the wedding and since Friday was October 1st and fall/Halloween is my favorite time of year I was pretty depressed. I am usually decorating with my ex and getting everything setup and ready. Plus, going to local haunted houses and mazes, not to mention spending too much money on Halloween stuff lol. Anyway Friday night I get a call from a good friend from high school. She calls me to let me know she is so sorry that my ex cheated on me. I said thank you, but then caught the “cheating” part. I have never told anyone and neither has my one friend and his wife or my brother. I asked huh? She then goes on to tell me the full story.

To make it quick I guess when people got the messages from my brother about our change of heart on the wedding, and I guess my ex’s extended family and friends were ecstatic. To be frank many were basically saying that they were glad we separated and that my ex deserved better. They were saying things like it is about time she woke up and left his ass and that then some even said I bet he cheated on her too. I guess my ex saw all these things and then put a big message out for them all to see. I don’t know the exact what she did but I guess my ex admitted to her cheating, and the details. Even mentioned the evidence and how I would never show it to anyone. Then proceeded to say that she is glad that she now knows who is honest in her family and friends and that she now knows to cut off 95% of the people in her life (not her mother or father \[they are not happy about us ending and actually loved me\]). That really hurt to know because I honestly thought my ex’s extended family and friends liked me. But once again I was a fool.

So, my friend said that we are all going out tonight. I told her I don’t really feel like going. She said we are going ands for me to get ready and they will be there in a hour. So, I got shower and put on some jeans and a shirt. They showed up and asked what was I wearing. For some detail I grew up in mid sized farm community. I have friends who are farm boys/girls, I know weird considering who I am, and of the more eccentric crowd I suppose. My good female friends and the ones husbands and the others wife showed up. To say I haven’t been the most confident is an understatement. I had nothing like I usually do and just haven’t felt like it. They said bullshit were getting you ready. So they come in and procced to get me dressed up, my hair done, and my makeup done. It was a lot fun to be honest. I haven’t done this with them in a long time and I really enjoyed our time. Haven’t been able to do this with them since college.

Over an hour later, I couple other friends and my buddy and his wife show up. My buddy is actually a farm boy so people think it is weird we are such good friends lol. They had me dressed in less than gender norm clothing and we didn’t even go out lol. We ordered in food, played games, danced/listened to music and had just a lot of fun. My buddy even said “I haven’t seen you smile like this in a long time”. We all hung out and just had fun, no alcohol (I’m done with that shit). We all passed out at my house and then everyone got up and left an said we need to do this more often. I am glad they came over because I needed this.

So, I know a small update, but I just am glad I have some good friends who love me for me. Thank you all for the kind words and support over the last couple weeks.

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  1. This is the second time I’ll be posting this comment to someone.

    As a former cage fighter and a large man at that….

    Being seen as, and feeling sexy however who you dress is no one else business or right to judge (as long as you aren’t naked in public)

    What a person wears is an expression of themselves, and doesn’t everyone want to feel like they genuinely SEE their partner?

    Even as a large person as myself I deserve the right to feel sexy. That could be wearing a suit,, me bleeding profusely after a fight, or maybe I’m wearing a mini skirt, just so I can feel sexy for the missus. But its no ones business as long as we are happy, they should be happy we found happiness.

    Express yourself OP

    Your friends rock.

  2. Good for you, my friend!

    This month is actually perfect for you to really get back in touch with who you truly are outside of the expectations of a partner or their circle. Now’s the time to really experiment with your make-up or fashion in ways you’ve always wanted for Halloween.

    Also, in case you need further affirmation, you absolutely made the right choice. Even if things still feel dark now, know that you’re so close to coming out the other end of that tunnel.

  3. Your friends are equally as sweet as you, man I’m so glad you got a little pampering and unconditional love. It’s times like this that test our conviction to ourselves and show us that even if the population of our corner is small, it can still be pretty great. I wish you so much healing and good for your future, Op! Throughout all your posts, I honestly admire you and will keep you and your ex in my prayers. Life is strange but always beautiful and I think you both have paths laid out to seek that beauty through this. Best of luck, amigo!

  4. And that’s what winning this game looks like OP.

    It brings a smile to your face and lightens your heart. And if anyone deserves these two things it’s you.

    Onwards and upwards.

  5. I’m not certain, but I *think* one of the comments you mentioned- where I talked about how sexy I find the confident men who are unafraid it will hurt thier masculinity to dress how they like, wear makeup, nail polish, jewelry, “feminine” clothing, etc, and how my own partner is one of those men- was my own comment on the BORU post.

    If it was, I’m SO happy that it maybe helped you a bit. I know I’m *far* from the only woman who finds that kind of confidence very intriguing, too, so you will definitely find someone accepting, just like your accepting friends.

    I honestly cannot stand women like your exes’ college friend- women who get in the way of progress and change. Such strides have been made to normalize men wearing makeup and what is considered “feminine” clothing, to the point where finally some confident straight cis men are normalizing such things even in more conservative circles, and that should be encouraged. Women like that seem to prefer toxic masculine traits, which we really need a whole lot less of, not more. They are the same women who, generations back, chastised women for wearing pants and ditching corsets.

    I hope hearing what your exes’ friend said, or anyone else, doesn’t change who you are or what you like to wear or change on your body. Those people are dinosaurs.

    I’m happy your friends helped you have a good night! They sound lovely. Don’t be afraid to lean on them more.

  6. Hmmm, I’m glad this is a happy update but

    It’s a little strange how caught up your friends in on how long it’s been since you were this happy.

    You say you haven’t done this, something you really enjoy with close friends, since college.

    Is that because of your ex?

  7. Don’t feel lonely during this season OP – and if you ever do, know that there’s your friends who really love you and a ton of Reddit friends rooting for things to turn around for you!

  8. Sorry OP – I hope things look up for you in the near future.

    Some of the replies to the previous posts are mind boggling and really infantilize OP’s ex. How many people do you think would make excuses for OP if he had drinks at his bachelors party and banged a stripper?

  9. difference between friends

    your fiancee’s friends are trying to change her life

    yours support you to live the life you are happy with

    you are lucky

  10. > I guess my ex’s extended family and friends were ecstatic. To be frank many were basically saying that they were glad we separated and that my ex deserved better. They were saying things like it is about time she woke up and left his ass and that then some even said I bet he cheated on her too.

    This is one of the parts that I find concerning. Did her family and friends express their misgivings about your relationships to her? Or are they kind of people who love to talk bad behind a person’s back?

    Because if they did talk to her about it, then she should have set the record straight and shut their negative talks down long ago. like what she did this time when they started talking about you cheating. Was she just agreeing with them all along while being with you? Or did she just ignore all these people’s sentiments?

  11. Absolutely right decision. I am glad you have friends like these.
    However I do have to reiterate that if her friends knowingly went along with her cheating on you, they are not good people. I dont care if you disagree. Its about respect for my fellow person. I would never allow a friend to cheat on their spouse. Wouldn’t participate in such trashy behavior. I’m all for casual sex but that shit does not excuse cheating. Her friends are trash.
    Again. I’m glad you were able to deal with this in such a positive way. Its a tragic thing that she was such an important person that betrayed you. I wish you all the best. Your friends are absolute legends.

  12. Be Strong OP…. you deserve it.

    Maybe she es remorse… but her action to clarify to everyone what happened and earn accountability was correct and remarkable, she got my respect there.

    Who knows… maybe the future has something for you both together… but that will be something different, and probably not marriage…. could be partnership, friendship or nothing… but at this moment you may focus on yourself, in heal, cheering up, and work on your goals…. I recommend you take counseling.

    Be strong mate…!!

  13. I read all your posts and you sir are no fool at all. You made all the right decisions.

    Keep on keeping on and keep doing you, friend. This too shall pass.

  14. I hope you saw that comment of that guy saying he saw a ton of red flags in this whole situation that suggests heavily that she’s a serial cheater. Please OP, only invite her to the wedding of your next wife and NEVER consider dating her again.

    Be sure to take time to meditate on the situation. Also, make sure you do the same for the whole relationship you think you had with her

  15. Hey man, you got some good friends there. And if that knowledge is the only thing you can take away from this experience, then you’re luckier than most.

    Maybe it’s my romantic side coming out, but people have reconciled and lived mostly happily ever after with far less effort than she seems to be putting in – and she currently has bugger all hope of reconciliation happening.

    Personally, I hope that you find it in yourself to give her another shot – although I can’t honestly promise that I’d share my current sentiment if it happened to me.

    Lacking the satisfaction of my romantic side, I’d say that you will get what you deserve.

    And what you deserve is someone who is as good as you thought your ex was, before all of this.

    And at the very least, you deserve the love and support that you’re getting from your friends.

  16. I never thought that relationships could be so hard… If before you came home and were happy to spend time at home with the person you love, now you just come home thinking, “I wish today was different, without fighting. We have stopped hearing each other, understanding, conceding, and he has become more preoccupied with something else. I tried to go with him to a psychologist or something like that, but it didn’t end well again. One evening while surfing the Internet I came across an app called “” which said that you can get out of a crisis and give your relationship a new lease of life. Well, I decided to try it, though without much expectation, but it caught on. What was my surprise and joy when I felt loved again and we lived a happy life again! The app accurately identifies the causes of conflict, in quizzes and tests you learn more about yourself and the desires of the guy, the recommendations help. It helped us, you should use it too!

  17. You deserved so much better man. The woman who told you the truth is a real one, I hope you stay in touch with her for years to come. Look forward to other possible updates! Love ya OP!

  18. So happy that you have great friends. I am sure you will meet a great girl and take your time to heal. Find yourself again. Do what you like. Dress how you like. Be you boo boo. And honestly I agree with these girls. I find it very handsome and I like guys who are comfortable in their skin. It shows your individuality. I have colored hair even though I work in a professional setting. Always have colors. I’ve had an ex tell me they didn’t like it after years. I was like welp then why did you even date me? But yeah things happen for a reason. Take the break-up as a chance to find yourself and be yourself. You deserve it. Don’t think less of yourself.

  19. You did the right thing, I don’t think she regretted anything until she knew she was caught. It probably wasn’t her first time cheating if she did something like that so easily.

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