Tuesday, March 21, 2023
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New female friend is draining me?

My friend and I are rather new (6 months in) and I’ve started to notice she is oddly judgmental. She personally will make a poor decision and scold you for any minor infraction.

If she takes back her cheating boyfriend and finds out you gave a guy a second chance after he ghosted you on a date she’ll make you feel stupid and worthless over the situation. Even though I don’t make her feel shitty for letting this guy make her his own personal doormat.

I personally don’t treat any of my friends this way and I don’t appreciate it. When I look for encouragement I just get judgement. I could tell this girl I’m tired and she’ll say it’s my fault for not getting more sleep last night. She brags about being a “tell it like it is” kind of gal.

I’m starting to feel drained in her presence. But maybe I’m too sensitive? Any advice ladies?

Edit: I’m 25F she’s 29F

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  1. Perhaps you should stand up for yourself and call her out if she does this again. If things fall through, you’ll be free knowing that you did nothing wrong, and maybe she’ll learn that one thing is to tell people the truth and another is to be judgemental. If you feel drained it’s not a good sign. Tell her how you feel.

  2. She isn’t a good friend and will drain you if your energy and confidence. It sounds like she is very selfish and perhaps even a little self conscious.

    Often people who aren’t happy will try to pull others down to make themselves feel better. Not always, but it’s common.

    Luckily she is your friend and not your family. You can choose your friends, so if this is a relationship that is making you feel sad, the best thing for your own sake is to distance yourself.

    You don’t have to fall out or argue, just be less available, don’t meet her as often, see other friends, make excuses. Eventually you’ll drift apart and she may even take it easier on you if you spend less time together.

    Good luck and keep being you 🙂

  3. People who say they like to “tell it like it is” are *universally* assholes.

    “I don’t censor myself.” = I don’t care about your feelings, so I won’t think about them before I speak.

    “Everybody’s thinking it!” = I’m thinking it.

    “You’re over-reacting/sensitive etc.” = I just said something mean, and now you’re upset, and that’s annoying.

    “I like being brutally honest.” = I like being brutal.

    Ditch her. She sucks. You don’t owe her anything. You only have so much time, don’t give her any more of it.

  4. Sounds like she’s projecting her insecurities onto others. Typically people know they’re fucking up by doing X and it really gets in their head but they won’t verbalize it or productively work through it. Instead they’ll judge and look down on others who do the same

  5. Sounds exhausting, and it’ll get worse. I had 2 friends like this, they were and still are deeply insecure and I aggravated that insecurity. Leave her where you found her.

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