Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceNo one believed me that my husband was abusive.

No one believed me that my husband was abusive.

When my husband first began showing signs or gaslighting and abuse, my own family began siding with him. They encouraged him to leave me alone on holidays. The police was always so rude and nasty with me like I was the problem after he abused me. I wasn’t even believed that I lived in the house I lived. He made everyone believe I was suicidal and on drugs. I was called a liar and masochist by his parents. I was called a liar and told me I just want revenge and attention by my family. So the time I finally had the courage to tell the police what happened….he told them I was suicidal and they believed him. Before court my mom said I want revenge so chose to not say anything about what he did to me.

I completely gave up on myself after that and didn’t fight anymore, scream when he abused me or ever try to call the police again. My family chose to keep in contact with my husband for four years and not me. When I had a child is now that they have chosen to talk to me and are saying now they see he is abusive.

View Reddit by ButlikewhywhyView Source



  1. I would never trust your family again as they either have such a low opinion of you that they think you’d lie about being abused or they knew you were being abused and just didn’t care.

    Are you safe now? Were you able to leave your husband?

  2. Looking at your 4 posts, you are going through an insane ordeal.

    You need to get yourself and your kids to a shelter, contact a lawyer, and work out your statement. If you stay in this situation, eventually your kids may wind up being the ones getting hurt.

  3. Leave your husband, whatever he or anybody says. Go low contact with your family, regardless of what they say now. With time, if you feel like it and if they are up to it, you can try to build a more healthy relationship with them.

    Remember, you only need to be true to yourself. It doesn’t matter what he says or what your family or the neighbours think. Do what is best for you and the kid. With time you can surround yourself with better people who have your back.

  4. Blink mini cameras are like $20 I believe, connect via WiFi on an app and are powered by a standard USB plug in (I think). Aka really cheap and easy to hide plus the first month of saved recordings on the cloud is free.

    If you can’t leave or convince anyone of what’s happening that may be able to help get recorded incidents. You can turn off notifications in your phone and hide the app. There may be other options but that comes to mind first

  5. I hope you can go no contact and leave your abuser and never speak to your abusive family again. We believe in you, and YOU know he’s a monster. Your family and he will abuse your child as well. Please seek womens shelters and visit

  6. I hope you can go no contact and leave your abuser and never speak to your abusive family again. We believe in you, and YOU know he’s a monster. Your family and he will abuse your child as well. Please seek womens shelters and visit

  7. After I broke up with a longterm ex I found out a couple of months later that my mother had him over for dinner a few weeks after our break up.

    They didn’t have me over for dinner. We went for coffee a couple of times.

    I learned then that they didn’t really give a shit about me.

    This was a small thing that they did.

    Your family has done huge and monsterous stuff to you.

    -Do not let your family near your baby. Especially if you are in a state with grandparents rights.

    Anyone who CHOSE to remain silent about your abuse and thinks that you are full of lies and revenge should never ever ever meet or see your child.

    Please. For yourself and your child please reach out to DV places and find a lawyer who will tell you your options.

  8. If you can install hidden cameras do it. That will give you proof and or record him wirh a spy pen. Some of them are very good, you can always turn it on and leave it on thr table or counter. Smoke detector cameras are also very good. Just consider it and he safe. If you think you’ll run, get a PO Box in advance. You don’t need to have mail delivered there to open one up. Get a secondary savings account and put money there incase you need it. That can be done stealth these days, shot you don’t even need an atm card because you can transfer money and withdrawal from other accounts. Stay safe. God bless.

  9. Protect your child unlike what your family did for you and keep away from them. Don’t trust any of them around your child. They allowed you to get abused then they will allow your child to be abused. Call the domestic violence hotline to get help to get out.

  10. Please believe me when I say this, this is what abuse does, this is the intended out come. The abuser has completely silenced and disenfranchised the victim and turned everyone against them. It’s always the same tactics.

    Reading this story broke my heart that this is still happening to this day.

    I believe you. Anybody with a trained eye will believe you, the gaslighters and flying monkeys are scum and their day will come. You will be free to live your life and grow again soon enough. You are beautiful. And this. Please believe this. You didn’t deserve it. No matter how he made you think of yourself, and no matter how he turned those people against you. It was all lies. He is a liar trying to warp your reality.

    You didn’t deserve this. You shouldn’t have gone through this. He shouldn’t have been allowed to treat people like this. I’m so sorry sweet heart I am so so sorry.

    I hope one day soon you will have all the resources you need, a good therapist (some can be shit you have to find the right one) and someone specialised in domestic violence work. They will believe you, because they know. This is a tail as old as time, he abused, framed, and disenfranchised you. It’s textbook. Anyone who cant see that ESPECIALLY police are grossly misinformed and are spreading hurt and hate wherever they go.

    You didn’t deserve this, and you will never deserve this kind of behaviour
    You deserve to be celebrated and loved, uplifted and cared for. That is how people should behave.

    I am so sorry – your sisters of abuse survivors are with you and their spirits stay strong next to yours, you are not alone.

    I believe in you, from the bottom of my heart, I believe in you. You will get better, because you deserve better.

  11. OP please get a secret camera so you can record his abuse as evidence. Get as much evidence as you can and research resources in your area (shelters, organizations, ect.)

  12. I’m so sorry you went through this. I can only imagine how lonely that has felt. You deserved and still deserve better from a husband and from your family.

    How does it feel when they say they “believe you now”? I can imagine that would be hard to stomach and I am wondering what you are wanting here.

  13. I am not sure in what state you are, but some states are one party consent and you are able to record him without his consent. Take pictures of the bruises and keep a diary in your phone or computer or somewhere safe and keep track of every time he hurts you. You should contact the National Domestic Violence hotline. There are Domestic Violence organizations in every state that can help you. By experience, I can tell you that it will get worse if you don’t look for help and get out. You don’t want your child to grow up thinking that her/his/they fathers behavior is ok and healthy. As a child of a parent victim of Domestic Violence and witness, I had a hard time in relationships and with self worth. I also was victim of Domestic Violence and I didn’t want my children to repeat the same pattern. I left with nothing only with my children. It took time to rebuild my life and it was tough at times, but my children are healthy and happy. Please take care and be safe.

  14. Abusers groom EVERYONE around them. Everyone.

    My abuser did the same thing. I have PTSD and am in therapy.

    I have a lot of anger that people didn’t believe me. It wasn’t until he tried to kill our son that people actually saw what a monster he was.

    You need therapy. You suffer multiple layers of abuse and trauma.

  15. My situation wasn’t as bad, but my family could not believe what trash my ex was. Until, of course, he was so messed up it showed to EVERYONE. But they still were supportive of me the whole time, just a little confused, not hostile to me.

    It really messes with your head though when no one believes you. You need to make a plan.

  16. So sorry you suffered such trauma, not only from your husband but the abuse and betrayal at the hands of those who were suppose to be your support system and those sworn to protect and serve. Have you accessed any resources for battered woman?

  17. I see by your other posts that you’re still with him and you’re currently pregnant. Please call the police and get to a woman’s shelter. NOW. I’m honestly afraid for the lives of you, your child, and the child you’re carrying.

  18. Call around and find a support group and/or therapist. It’s awful that you went through this.

    Regarding your family – they were awful to you. No one can tell you what is right or wrong, you have to figure that out. However, a lot of people in this world maintain contact with people who have made, or make, their lives miserable. You don’t owe anything to your family.

    Think about it and do what you feel is best for you. Your family abandoned you when you needed them most, and it sounds like that’s who they are.

    Please take care and be well.

  19. Nope. Nobody has a sudden change of heart that fast, and for several people to do it? Did they even apologize for their earlier behavior? Nope.
    They are not there for you, they are there for him, to spy, report and find anything they can use to take your child from you.
    It’s time to get out, get free, and cut ties with all of them. Quietly pack your important paperwork and the baby’s, and get out while he’s not home. Don’t change how you act, just carry on and get out at the first opportunity.

  20. This is sad because it seems like he gaslights you a lot and you must react really loudly whilst he comes across calm to others. Seen this situation before it’s so sad… how have your family managed to notice now.. what have they said?

Comments are closed.

Most Popular