Saturday, April 1, 2023
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Partner wants to be with someone who he can comment on their weight and have expectations of how there body looks

My (26,F) partner (27,M) feels that I should be obligated to stay in shape for him. He constantly comments when I’m eating anything sweet like ‘not too much babe’ and like ‘are you sure you should be eating that?’. He wants to be able to tell me when I’ve put on weight and that I need to go to the gym more / eat less chocolate etc. I’m a size 10 and am definitely not fat, I also gym 3-4 times a week yet if feels like it’s not good enough. I do enjoy chocolate but I barely buy it, and when/if I do, I can literally feel his eyes watching me & will always end up saying something.

I’ve never had any boyfriend tell me put these expectations on my weight before and it’s causing so many fights… I just don’t know if this is a normal thing to be asked by your other half.

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  1. This honestly made my heart break just a little. You should not have to endure this! It’s definitely not normal relationship behavior.

    The fact that he feels like she should be able to say those things to you, especially when you’re clearly not comfortable with it, is the sign of such a deeper issue. My current bf had a girlfriend like this a long time ago. She constantly berated him about not working about enough bc she wanted someone jacked, and that he should go to the doctor to get on growth hormones because he was too short for her.
    She was a textbook narcissistic perfectionist, and she caused so much scarring in his psyche.

    I know it’s easier said than done to tell you to “dump him and move on”…
    But seriously, I would start doing some reading on toxic relationships and -preferably- how to end this one if I were you. Save yourself.

    What were to happen if you listened to all his little comments and you ended up married, still meeting his every demand about your physical appearance?
    Can you picture your future with this man, and would it really be a happy one?

  2. It is not normal.

    I can think of a way to lose 180 pounds or so overnight, though.

    He is allowed to have his preferences. He is not entitled to demand that others meet them, particularly when it comes to body appearance. He is not entitled to constantly make comments that make you feel insecure, criticized, and unloved.

    Women’s appearance are so openly criticized and commented on publicly and in the media that some men think this is acceptable and normal way to treat women, even their partners. It isn’t.

  3. What you could lose is the boyfriend, and get someone who is supportive, proud of you however you look and who loves you for who you are and not how you look.

    It’s not normal to be with someone controlling like that.

  4. Not normal. Outside of the occasional “that food/drink made you sick last time you had it” ( as im quite forgetful) my boyfriend doesn’t feel the need to comment on what i eat. If he did I would immediately shut that down.

  5. Not normal and it will eventually ends with you having low self esteem. I was in a relationship where he’d say those things (and worse) and I felt okay because I though it was good he was so honest. But he was just mean and trying that I end up having zero self love, which happened. It took me years of therapy to get through body dismorphia and other related problems. Still dealing with it right now but never let anyone else like this enter my life again. Be strong ❤️

  6. It wouldn’t matter even if you were fat. Fat people don’t deserve to be attacked and dehumanised in a relationship for merely existing either, that’s not a thin/slimmer weight privilege. This sort of policing behaviour is offensive and unhelpful to people of every weight and is unacceptable. If he won’t stop leave him so he learns it will not be tolerated.

  7. One person should never tell another what to do with their body. He can take you as you come or not at all…. If you actually love someone their body doesn’t matter much because they will be hot to you no matter what. As long as you aren’t putting yourself in an early grave due to not taking care of yourself there should be no reason for a comment. He wants arm candy not a partner

  8. Ugh. This sounds like my ex. He started commenting on my weight after I put on quarantine weight….. went to far as to say “we can only get engaged after you get back to your previous size”…

    I’m sorry you’re going through this OP!

  9. That’s controlling behaviour and will take a toll on you over time. Also, if he’s okay with treating you this way, expect other problematic behaviours from him as the relationship progresses.

    I wouldn’t stay with someone who has so little respect for me that they would whittle away my self-esteem in this way. It’s not healthy. I would reconsider this relationship, if I were you.

    You can do so much better. Seriously. We women undervalue ourselves, when it’s pretty much guaranteed that just *existing* as a woman means there are men out there who are interested in us. You’re active, you keep in decent shape, I don’t doubt that there’s a large pool of eligible men waiting in the wings who would be happy to have you and would treat you far better than your current partner.

  10. Lose the weight: however much he weights. You will feel so free.
    No, is not normal, it’s controlling and toxic. He should date a plastic doll in whatever weight he prefers, the doll will stay the same weight. You are human, not his doll and your shape will not be the same during your entire life.

  11. This is not the guy for you and it will only get worse. Much, *much* worse.

    Think to the future. What kind of partner will this guy be through difficult physical times? Accidents? Illnesses? Injuries? Surgeries? Pregnancies? Post-pregnancy, permanent body changes?

    Consider how this is making you feel now and imagine spending the rest of your life under this – and much worse – scrutiny. It will break you. It will. You will end up miserable and married or miserable and divorcing him, but the damage to your self-worth and self-esteem will already be done by that point and it will take years to recover from it.

    This is who he is. He is not going to change. He believes in what he is doing and that it’s his right to police your body. Do you want to be in a relationship with a man who has that deeply held belief? Think very carefully and do not minimize what this means for your future.

  12. I was hoping he just was just saying he didnt want a partner that was so fragile and defensive that the topics were “off limits”

    Nope, he’s a signed up member of the food police

    Anyone that needs to play the policeman to any part of a relationship, will wear you down because they NEED to

    Sorry but he could be Chris Hemsworth and I’d still say gtfo

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  14. Let them try to find someone who would tolerate that. They’ll probably have to settle for a silicone partner, because that’s rubbish! This will leave you free to find someone who isn’t crass and clueless. It’s a wonderful idea, really

  15. NOPE. No one gets to police your weight, your exercise regimen, your diet. Only you. That is treating you as an object; something he owns, and smacks of both controlling and misogyny.

    At least he’s been up front on this really shitty aspect of his personality. Break up with him and tell him why.

  16. Not normal. It’s actually a really shitty thing that he’s doing and you need to talk with him. Set a boundary that it stops. Your weight is off limits. If he can’t accept that then he’s an ass and you leave

    He’s not your father. He has no authority over you and he has no right to say what you can or can’t eat. You need to stand up to him and put a stop to it. What he is doing is not only policing your food it’s attacking your self esteem. It could become emotional abuse. And I would be careful because some people comment about weight and things for exactly this reason, to attack your self esteem. It’s a control tactic.

    Set that boundary and see where he falls. But, if it’s already causing you so many fights you’ve probably already tried to talk to him about this. So if that hasn’t worked you should break it off. If you’ve already spoken to him about it and he refuses to stop, you leave. He’s not respecting you

  17. Run. This is the type of man who is going to body shame you when your body is not the same after a child.

    You’re in shape and a size 10. He shouldn’t be commenting when you’re enjoying a treat.

    It isn’t normal.

  18. Well good luck to him. Hope it all works out for him in the long run, although I don’t see ANY woman who’s about allow themselves to be treated like that. If he’s really serious about this, I definitely wouldn’t stay with him.. it’ll start out like this, and get much worse. It’ll be bad on your emotional and mental health and you deserve so much better than that.

  19. You ask if it’s normal for a partner to do this…. unfortunately it happens way too often, but just because something happens all the time doesn’t make it right, respectful or kind.

    He may claim that it comes from a place of love and concern for your health, but that would manifest in a different way. What you are describing is controlling behavior and a huge red flag.

    I would recommend you think about your relationship and if this is really the only way he is trying to exert control. Is he commenting on how you dress? How much time you’re spending with friends and family? If you like something he doesn’t, does he call it stupid and anyone who likes it is stupid?

    Long of the short… you’re going to have to be the one to decide if this behavior is something you are willing to tolerate.

  20. Fuck this – it’s hard enough for women to cultivate positive self esteem and self worth without assholes who are supposed to be your partners picking and sniping at you like this. Get rid of him and find someone that actually likes you (i assure you he doesn’t if this is how he’s currently treating you, just what he gets from you).

  21. Sis there are a ton of guys I’m sure that won’t drill you over preemptive fatlless training lol if you look good fuck it . If you feel healthy fuck it if the biggest strain you have are with arguments involving him I think you know where the problem is. After the baby my wife had gotten big but I had empathy for her and told her hey I know your going through alot and I love you so I waited 3 years now she is in better shape than she ever has been and we are happier more than ever before. The happiness doesn’t correlate with her not being so much over weight but because we are trying the best to be our best versions for each other and ourselves. I still got a long way to go for other health reasons but like most things in life that’s my issue not hers

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