My gf lives in a big city whereas I live in a dorm that’s located in a dull and gloomy area where nobody lives. It really affects my wellbeing..We talked about it amd have planned on moving in and are currently looking for flats with 2 rooms.
She currently lives in a one room apartment and hosts me through the weekend. Would it be too much to ask if I could movein till we find a new place? We have been together for a year now. But I feel she wants some space and a single room is too less for 2 people.
I kindof hinted it and she said. Everyone needs their private time once in a while. Idk what she means here..What do you guys think? I feel she doesn’t care much about my wellbeing
Keep looking for a bigger place. And in the meantime, brainstorm what you can do to make your space feel less gloomy and depressing. Living with a partner for the first time is HARD and doing it in too small of a space is even harder. Hosting you all weekend every weekend is already a big ask and she’s let you know gently that moving in completely would be too much.
But seriously, there are ways to make your space kinder and friendlier. Think of three things that always make you smile and find a way to incorporate them into your space.
When you hinted at moving in, and she said “everyone needs their private time”, she was letting you down nicely. Looks like it’s not in the cards buddy.
Stick it out a little while longer and it sounds like you’ll have a better place soon
So your girlfriend hosts you every weekend and is actively searching for a place to move so that you can get out of your living situation, and your response to not getting everything you want right now is “she doesn’t care much about my wellbeing.”
So how are you demonstrating that you care for hers? Why is this a one way street, where she has to accommodate you, and you don’t care to accommodate her? She very nicely told you that in her current place, she feels it is too small to have space/privacy, but is in the process of finding a bigger place where she feels there will be enough space for two, with you.
If your response to not getting what you want is that she doesn’t care, do her a favor and break up now. YOU are the one who clearly doesn’t care about her, just about how she can help you.
Yes that is too much. She clearly stated she needs her space. If you want a healthy relationship you should suck it up and work towards moving in together at a new place when it’s time.
By making her responsible for your moods and general well-being, you are turning her into your nurse or mommy figure. There is no faster way to kill off romantic feelings in a woman than by becoming her dependent. Why aren’t you helping to look for this new place? Do you have your deposit saved up or do you expect her to take care of everything for you?
She’s already looking out for your well-being by looking for a new apartment for both of you
>Everyone needs their private time once in a while.
She said her wellbeing needs space and no you aren’t moving in.
>I feel she doesn’t care much about my wellbeing
It’s pretty selfish for you to expect her to sacrifice her wellbeing for yours. She’s already willing to move for you, and is giving up her well being EVERY weekend, but that isn’t enough?
You should move in with her because you want to be with her and to take this next major step in your relationship. Not because you want to use her to get put of a living situation you don’t like. If you’re just using her and focused on only you, don’t move in with her. Fix your own problems like an adult without dragging her into it.
You think your dorm is dull and gloomy, but it doesn’t sound like there’s anything really wrong with it. She’s hosting you every weekend already, that’s a lot. Wait until you move in together to a place with more space.
This is a horrible reason to move in together as far as a healthy romantic relationship goes. You shouldn’t want to move in with her cause you just don’t like where you live now. Also, pressuring her to let you move in is horrible. This situation is gonna lead to a breakup.
So do you care about her well-being?
She’s already letting you stay on the weekends. You’re asking for too much here. If your dorm is truly that bad, see if you can crash with a friend or move somewhere else before you do the big move. Find another solution or just deal with it. Don’t make it her problem to solve though.
My fiancé and I have outgrown our starter home. Let me tell you what happens when you have nowhere to get space: resentment and anger. There is a reason she wants to wait and you should respect it.
Contrary to what you might think, you’re actually the one being incredibly selfish.
She already lets you stay on the weekend— and has basically said that’s as far as she’s willing to go. Please do not keep pestering her to get the answer you want and respect that she wants her own space throughout the week. And she is clearly open to moving in with you eventually, so it’s better to hold out until then.
In the meantime, try to reevaluate why you feel your current living situation is gloomy and how exactly it’s affecting your wellbeing. Is it really due to external factors or is it possibly due to having a negative attitude? Maybe both. You have to make your house a home in whichever way you can. Rooting for you!
Who is paying for the dorm that you’re not planning on living in? It sounds like she doesn’t want you to move in unless you have your own space.
If you actually care about her/your relationship you need to sort out your mental health BEFORE moving in together or taking any other big steps in your relationship, if you don’t you’re setting yourself up for failure. Work on you, and do not make your mental shit her problem or you’ll kill the relationship
Are you intentionally not understanding what she means by “everyone needs their private time”?
Do you think you should be moving in with someone who says things as direct as that when you can’t seem to understand what they mean?
Not her responsibility to make you feel better, don’t put this on her as it will def weigh down the relationship.
Without reading other comments:
Your girlfriend feels 2 people living in a 1 room apartment full time could wreck your relationship. Visiting her for the weekends may be harder on her than you are aware and you “suggesting” moving in with her might be beyond her endurance. To almost directly quote you “I feel like you doesn’t care much about her wellbeing.”
No, you shouldn’t ask any further. **No actually, go for it – tell her you think she must host you and she doesn’t care enough about your well-being.** Go on, do it. She needs to see how self-absorbed you are, see your lack of real feeling for her beyond what she can provide for you.
Why do I say this? Let’s look at what you said and unpack the real you?
1. If you are moving in with your gf because you don’t like your dorm… STOP using her like that – don’t try and justify it, just stop.
2. Your argument is bogus- you say your dorm is in a dull gloomy area where nobody lives? Seriously? A dorm with nobody living there? You are talking nonsense.
3. She hosts you on the weekend… she is doing more than her share for you – in a little studio apartment.
4. She’s looking at a bigger place for you (not her) and you’ve only been together a year.
5. You asked her and she said the one room was too small to constantly house 2 people… and you want to ask again, she must do this favour for you? Seriously?
6. You don’t feel she cares **about YOUR well-being “? OMG.
You are a whining child. **What about her well-being?** or do you only care about what benefit you can get from her? Because that’s what it sounds like.
Stop. You’re done.
Get yourself one of those SAD lamps.
Women are not put on this planet to take care of you.
I don’t see how an apartment can affect your well-being that much unless you spend a considerable amount of time in it. It’s one thing if you complained about it being dangerous but you don’t like it bc it’s boring. Of course she doesn’t care bc you’re just whining. I hope you aren’t the clingy type bc she’ll probably never move in with you.
OP I really don’t think the dorm is the problem. It’s you, hi. You’re the problem, it’s you.
It’s pretty common to think “oh I am depressed because xyz and once I change that, I will feel better.”
I highly doubt that your dorm, presumably a convenient place for you to live for your education, is so bad that it’s causing your depression. And I also doubt it’s so bad that you think you are being wronged because your girlfriend isn’t inviting you permanently into the tiny apartment you already spend all your time in.
You clearly don’t respect the boundary she is trying to set, and you are obsessed with moving out.
I’m gonna venture that you need to talk to a therapist.
>I feel she doesn’t care much about my wellbeing
Sounds like you don’t care much about hers. She let you down gently by turning down the notion when you hinted about it. Everyone does need private time once in a while, and that’s impossible to do in a studio apartment. It sounds like she is introverted and introverts need alone time to survive. Without it they get completely drained and can’t function properly.
Do you contribute towards expenses and repay her for housing you every weekend? Or are you a freeloader?
I feel like you two probably should not move in together at all
After reading a lot of comments from OP I think you need to split up with your girlfriend. You need to take a long long hard look at yourself. Don’t ruin this girl’s life.
Don’t mess up your relationship take your time.
Rofl. People can make mistakes, but they should try to avoid financial mistakes.
You’re both looking for flats with TWO rooms. So that’s already a heads up that she wants some personal space from time to time.
She’s already hosting you on weekends. So she’s not adverse to offering you a place to stay 2 out of 7 days a week, despite her love for personal space.
The issue with your dorm is that it’s dull, gloomy, and affecting your mental well-being. Not to be dismissive about mental health issues, but there’s technically nothing life-endangering here. It’s not rat-infested, your roof doesn’t have holes in it, you’re not complaining about dorm-mates, and it’s clearly a temporary residence while you’re both ACTIVELY looking for a place to share.
And you wanna claim that she doesn’t care much about your well-being? If you feel so entitled, why don’t you call your parents/family/someone who has known you for much longer to help you out? You’ve only being dating her for a year. Does she already owe you a place to stay because of that minuscule amount of time?
She’s clearly putting in effort towards flat hunting and she’s already opening her home to you two days a week. And you’re demanding more? I’ve seen your other comments here citing that you’d open your place to her, so why isn’t she doing the same? Hello. Do you even know your girlfriend? From your post alone, you’ve stated twice now that she clearly wants her own space (two room-flat, anyone?), and yet you think that your one-year relationship entitles you to move in with her?
Let’s say you pressure her and she says yes. Get ready to get your ass kicked out to the streets. Moving in together with someone is a HUGE decision to make; arguably almost as big as marriage.
If you want this to work, respect her space and find that two-room flat together, or find your own place.
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