Saturday, April 1, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceSo went on my first tinder date kinda confused

So went on my first tinder date kinda confused

Ok so a cuple of mounts ago i had my first brake up. And a few weeks ago i got tinder basically to seebif its for me. So i matched with this cute girl who hit me up almost imeditely texted on insta for a few days and we decided to go out to the park (her idea btw). So we went out it was pretty ok but i didn’t flert to much because its our first date and didn’t whana come of to strong. But other then that it was fun, but had to cut it short because it started to rain alot. After she apologised and said i oue you a proper date.
After texted her again but she disappeared.
Like im not mad or anything just confused because ive herd that this hapends to guys but im Cureos on the why because haven’t dated alot and would appreciate it. Thanks in advance

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  1. Ghosting is actually pretty normal on the online dating community especially after the first meeting. Probably she had expectations that you havent met or she is seeing another person?

    Had a date with a guy once and set up another date for the future but got home and was ghosted lol I actually thought our date went well also. I don’t know what happened on why he did that.

  2. One of 3 things, she’s a super busy person, just decided she wasn’t interested, or she added you to her string of guys.

    Just leave it alone, if she contacts you again go out with her, and see how she reacts.
    ( you might get some sex, or things might click better).
    Or she just won’t call again.
    Either way don’t put much stock into this one.

  3. A lot of peeps are complaining about his spelling but no one corrected him. OP, “brake up” = break up, “imeditely” = immediately, “flert” = flirt, “oue” = owe, and “cureos” = curious. Cheers!

  4. I see a lot of people backing the idea that ghosting after one date to be some horribly rude behavior. I would like to direct these people over to r/niceguys to see exactly why people, especially woman, do not provide notice or an explanation as to why they won’t be seeing you again.

    Often times kindly telling someone you aren’t interested in going further is met with tantrums and insults by the one with the bruised ego. While you can block them if this happens, being verbally assaulted becomes tiring and can be mentally detrimental to some, and can feel unsafe.

    The act of ghosting after one date did not occur in a vacuum. Take in what often happens, and consider why, after this happening many times, people want to avoid the potential barrage of verbal abuse. Just take the lack of communication as being told this didn’t work for them, and move on. Someone not being into you isn’t an insult, someone not being attracted to you does not make you unattractive, nor does it make the person not interested a bad person. Sometimes it just doesn’t click, and that’s okay.

    If you’re ghosted after months, that’s bullshit, but after one date? You aren’t owed anything, and in turn you don’t owe anyone anything. You are basically strangers, and just like giving someone your number in person and never hearing from them, it’s just not that big a deal.

  5. Happens all the time, she’s talking to someone else now. keep going on dates. Don’t be afraid to flirt, that’s important. if they don’t feel chemistry they won’t come back. just be yourself and treat women like you would anyone else.

  6. Yeah you need to add an edit that English isn’t your first language. I (like others) was horrified by your spelling and immediately thought she realized it wasn’t an accidental thing.

  7. Until you are officially dating, nobody that you speak with/flirt with, take on a date, etc. owes you their time or explanations. That’s the mindset, essentially, when it comes to ghosting. As soon as they realize you just aren’t the one, they stop investing any energy or time in you.

    I used to try and let people know, but it’s honestly exhausting to deal with explaining why I’m not interested in someone, especially when they get very defensive and even angry, throwing insults, just because i’m no longer interested.

    So, I get why people ghost. Don’t take it personally. There is nothing wrong with you, you just may not be compatible with them.

  8. Don’t worry if you stay with online dating very long most likely there will be a lady thinking this exact same thing about you sooner or later haha that is the way of online dating unfortunately

  9. Yeah ghosting sucks, but it’s pretty much the norm.

    People don’t really want to give an exit interview after one date explaining why they don’t like you, and let’s be honest, you don’t need to hear it either.

  10. Some men are terrible to women when they say “thanks, you’re nice, but I did not feel a connection.” So instead of invite a bunch of abuse over text, it is easier to ghost.

    You had your shot, it didn’t work out. Next time move it from the park to a bar or cafe or something my man.

  11. Sounds like she may not have been into you.


    On the other hand “brake up” is a great name for whenever people “take breaks” in relationships.


    Also, and I mean this from the kindest place possible; If you type like this when you are talking to these girls, I feel like you might turn some of them off. Maybe that’s a generational thing though, I don’t know. I’m a millennial and know plenty of people my age that would be turned off by it. I’d suggest taking your time a little more.

  12. It is possible she finds your lack of spelling/grammar off-putting. with the number of mistakes you come off as either lazy or uneducated and you did say you texted a bit with her before the first date. I mean I get your are most likely using your phone to make this post, but that is not an excuse for not being able to spell correctly.

    I am not a grammar or spelling nazi and I would never correct someone unsolicited, and I am not technically correcting you now. You did ask why she ghosted you and this is a possible reason.

  13. I had almost a similar situation happen to me. I went on 2 dates with a guy, and had planned a third with him. Both of the dates ended up really great, and the next morning he was telling me how much he he enjoyed last night and how he wanted to see me again. A few hours later I go to message him and I don’t get a response. I was a bit weirded out since he usually responded almost immediately. I go to check his profile and im blocked. I go to check tinder, and im un added. People on that app are confusing as shit and honestly you can’t do much in a situation like that.

  14. I actually started ghosting after I had a tinder date set up, but them my step brother was found dead. Shocking – canceled date, was honest as to the reason and said I’d reschedule when it was less raw. He ripped me a new butthole that I didn’t have to “make shit up” if I didn’t want to go out. And called me a whole bunch of unkind things. So after that, I ghosted because I was afraid of another situation like this

  15. It happened to me once. I had an amazing First date we kissed and had a great time one of my best First dates ever, he told me he really liked me and that he wanted to see me again.
    I drove him home after The date, and when I got home, he sent me a message saying he really enjoyed It and that he wanted to see me again in The next day, after that he ghosted me. I knew this things could happen but I had no Idea why he did that, after a month he send me a message saying that I was a Nice person, but he had his own problems and didn’t want to envolve me, I Just assumed that he probably was seeing someone else and just went out with me trying to forget this person.

  16. Thankfully I read the comments before commenting here… please include that your first language isn’t English, and that you didn’t text her in English. Going off your post, I would’ve assumed it was how you type/bad grammar.

    That aside…

    I think honestly this is just something that happens with people in general, if things don’t feel right, they’ll often be nice in person, polite, and then are fearful to hurt you so they think ghosting is a more appropriate response… I’d rather be told what’s wrong personally, but in this day and age, we hardly get that answer.

  17. Chances are you aren’t the only person she’s seeing, she shouldn’t be the only person you’re seeing either. You just got out of a relationship. Experience different things, but be ready for a couple of ghostings here and there. Dating can suck but youll find someone I promise you that<3

  18. How much effort did you put forth toward the date? A quality woman is going to expect some effort and planning from a man. Surprise her… for example, on a park date, would it have been appropriate to have a picnic? Maybe suggest rollerblading? Etc. Excite her, peak her interest. Also, maybe you just didn’t click. Most people aren’t going to tell you that they didn’t vibe with you or if you said something they didn’t like. They’ll just ghost you.

    On another note, I’ve heard the advice be given that you should look for reasons not to go on a 2nd, 3rd, 4th or date… this way when you end up with on multiple dates with someone you actually like them and they like you.

  19. Lol at everyone losing it over his spelling and Lol at everyone else trying to diagnose him! It’s Tinder, bud. Throw the whole fish away. Sounds like it didn’t meet regulation anyway. Go back to the pond, put some better bait on your hook, throw your line out and maybe you’ll get a better one next time.

  20. Bro I hope you don’t text women with this awful grammar, it makes you look low intelligence. I hope English is just not your native language.

    Aside from that, We can’t read her mind on why she ghosted you but she wasn’t into you enough for a second date. If someone was really feeling you, rain wouldn’t stop a date. She would have suggested an indoor activity. She just didn’t want to hurt your feelings in person when she told you a second date was coming

  21. Too many options at your fingertips constantly being presented to you, I’ve had a couple of tinder dates all were nice and one month long chat because we lived in different states. But mostly, brief back and forths being ghosted and ghosting others. It’s just to be expected I guess. Haven’t gotten any hookups but definitely had more girls offer for me to pay them for a hookup or photos than actual conversations, but I’m guessing this is the average tinder user experience

  22. Dating kinda sucks cause you don’t know where the other person is at emotionally. Maybe they weren’t really ready or met someone else. I wouldn’t take it personally until a few dates in. Get to know them and then see if it’s something you’d wanna pursue.

  23. Most online dating ends with ghosting, it’s usually because of:

    a) not their type

    b) just wanted sex

    c) just wanted a free meal

    You went to the park. Unless you bought her dinner there, or you had sex there, then you’re probably just not her type. Doesn’t have to be insulting. She could just like different personalities or looks.

  24. I hate to ask how old you are or if your first language isn’t English but it honestly could be because the spelling and grammar…
    I’ve cut things off with people because of things related to that and she could just be one of those kinds of people. Tinder definately isn’t the place to be looking for anything long term sadly. Also from experience.

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