Thursday, March 23, 2023
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Told my sister that her boyfriend totally isn’t straight, She now wont talk to me

I (23m) and my sister (23f) (Were technically step siblings but don’t really see it that way) have always been close and told each other everything. Even what we honestly think of each others bf’s. We never try to get angry at the other from there opinion or advice even if we don’t agree.

We hang out in the same friend circles, always have since we were always in the same classes and got along with the same people. One of these people is my sisters boyfriend. Its pretty recent and new for them. The problem is her boyfriend is always flirty with me, before they started dating and even now. At first i though he was just doing the homoerotic things straight guys always do but it seems a bit more than that.

He’s always texting me, sending me shirtless pics asking how he looks, slapping my ass and just general flirting. Like I said this just seemed like what straight guys do with each other from my perspective since they are always doing homoerotic things to mess with each other but it went a bit far last week when we all got drunk and he ended up grinding his junk against my ass. I stopped it as soon as I realised what happening with him but I felt guilty about it. I told my sister the next morning about whats been happening and that he’s totally not straight, he seems at least bi curious to me.

My sister didn’t like that and accused me of being jealous and liking him, called me an asshole and a bitch and has been avoiding talking to me since. She’s never done this. I know its a different situation but i thought we could be honest with each other about each others bf’s.

TLDR sisters bf has been flirting with me, i told my sister about it and said he’s not straight. She’s now angry and not talking to me

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  1. My husbands guy friends don’t do that grinding or stuff you are saying he’s doing. But your sister getting upset to me means she really likes him. Just lay off the comments. Now that she heard you say it though – she’ll be analyzing him more lol. You can’t unhear something like that.

  2. Eh, give her some time. She’ll find out the truth soon enough. As for her bf, I think it’s time to have some firmer boundaries with the guy. Be loud and direct about calling him out. Not in an eww you’re so gay kind of way but in a you’re making me uncomfortable and that’s disrespectful to my sister kind of way.

  3. >what straight guys do with each other from my perspective since they are always doing homoerotic things to mess with each other

    I’ve never slapped dude’s ass and sending shirtless photos as “just boys thing”? Dunno about that.

  4. So often people get angry at the safe person. She is likely angry at him but cannot say anything because she wants it not to be true. It sounds like he is dating her to get close to you.

    I would say that this behaviour is going beyond friendship and you are not interested in him then be clear about your boundaries, also consider that you should do so for your sisters sake. Make some clear space between you and him.

    Stay out of their relationship as it will implode at some point and you don’t want to be the one to be blamed for it. Just tell you that you will always be her support.

  5. To start, the thing you’re essentially describing as “straight guy things” are things super close friends might do with one another. Anecdotally, I’m a guy, straight, and happily married. I have super close friends who might sort of act how you describe, and it’s all done in good fun.

    But here, you’re not describing the situation as such. You don’t really describe him as a good friend. You describe him as a guy who’s in your circle, and also your sister’s boyfriend. You also describe it as completely new. That’s important context.

    In addition, have you spoken about it? You brush it off as what we’re talking about, but considering you’re questioning it, it can’t be what we’re describing. Because if it were, there’d be nothing to worry about. So can you add more context?

    Crazy as this behavior might be in a silo, this could legitimately be a total non-issue and exactly what you want to believe it is. But you’d know that based on your friendship. That you don’t is certainly concerning. Good luck.

  6. The reason she’s overreacting is because it most likely Has crossed her mind too. Whatever you’ve seen she’s FELT and seen. It might be that you seem to be getting more attention than he give her and she resents you for it but I guarantee she’s upset because she thinks it’s true. I’d try to stay close to her still when he finally comes out.

  7. She should wait until they get married, have kids, he comes out after having multiple affairs with men and realises he can’t do the straight life any more.
    It’s going to be a great time for everyone.

  8. You did what was right thing for you to do as you need to tell your sister about her boyfriend. If she decides to continue with him even after this then here you cannot do much to stop this so let her live with her decision. There are many people who learn things in a hard way and she seems one of them so hope that she learns her lesson sooner rather than later.

  9. What does his sexuality even matter? He picked your sister, he’s dating her. The conversation you SHOULD have had as a concerned sibling is that he may have been flirting outside of his relationship. Again, sexuality shouldn’t matter.

  10. Straight guys or gay guys don’t always do the things you claim they always do. Not sure where you got that.

    Either your sister really likes him or deep down she knows he is gay and is just refusing to or embarrassed to admit it. Give her some space and she will be okay in a bit.

  11. I think she’s just hurt but you should maybe text her about how you thought that as siblings you could be upfront and protective of each other, and her calling you names has made you doubt that. If she continues to be ignorant, idts there’s much you can do. But at least I’d have a conversation with my sibling seriously if this happened because partners are never to be trusted more than siblings in my case (could be different for every situation and home obviously) because of how close we are and how we’ve been there for each other always. Also tell her it’s sexual harassment that her bf is doing to you and she’s still supporting him? Hopefully she’ll realise soon enough.

  12. >slapping my ass and just general flirting
    >he ended up grinding his junk against my ass. I stopped it as soon as I realised what happening

    Kinda sounds like sexual harassment/assault more than just being gay or bi. I guarantee this is not normal for bicurious people, or at least respectable ones. There should be a long talk about boundaries and how they’ve been violated, with the bi part being a necessary precursor.

    This dude is a creep and I really wouldn’t be surprised if he’s with your sister in part to be close to you

    >My sister didn’t like that and accused me of being jealous and liking him

    Victim blaming at its finest. She needs the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and if she’s not with you then she’s part of the problem

  13. I think the angle should haven been “your boyfriend is doing things to me that is making me uncomfortable.” And then explain the issues – he’s sexually harassing you, a lot of those things aren’t flirting. Try and reposition the situation after she calms down – don’t accuse him of being anything other than how he identifies and just give her the straight up facts of action and how it’s making you feel. You’re telling her because you love her and you’re not interested in the continued harassment from your sisters boyfriend. Boys don’t “playfully” grind on each other without specific intentions.

  14. Who said it’s normal for straight dudes to do things you were talking about in your post? As a straight dude I have zero friends who do that. In fact even my gay friends don’t do that. That’s weird op

  15. Maybe your sister already knows he’s not straight. Bi men exist.

    However her boyfriend needs to knock off the shirtless pictures and butt-slapping. You clearly don’t want it. You don’t need to be homophobic about telling him to stop, just “knock it off, mate, I don’t need to know what my sister’s boyfriend’s chest looks like.”

  16. Well if you’re gay maybe your misreading play for intention. He could just feel safe to play with you. You might feel some type of because your same sex attraction. If he was making you uncomfortable why not comfort or ask him 1st?

  17. Straight or bi or whatever, this is cheating and assault territory to me.

    My husband is bi. You know what he doesn’t so? Send sexy pictures to his friends and grind on dudes. Or chicks. Because he’s in a monogamous relationship.

    His sexuality is beside the point. The problem is his behavior.

  18. Sounds like you may have struck a nerve and confirmed a suspicion she already has. Either way, you’ve told her now let it go. And you need to drop contact with the guy so he can’t continually harass you – no more texting and limit time around him. Create some distance as best you can. Keep out of his way and be there for your sister when it all fizzles out.

  19. I would suggest sitting her down, maybe getting a tea or a drink and just calmly explaining that you didn’t mean to cause an argument and that you care for her and just explain your side. Say you didn’t mean to offend her or cause tension, that you want her to be happy but the way he behaves is odd (list all the things he does).

  20. I think you’re just the messenger that got shot.

    The truth almost always comes out and this is going to come up between them again, likely because he’s going to do something similar again to someone else and she’s likely going to hear about it.

    Although she’s mad at you now, if/when this happens again, she’s going to think back to what you told her and she’s likely going to put 2 and 2 together. From there she will decide to act or not act, depending on who she is (if she avoids it or he’s manipulative and gas lights her about it) but I think that you did the right thing in telling her.

    I’d block his number but keep those texts just incase. The shirtless pics are inappropriate, on top of everything else. The texts are written, undeniable proof.

    Hopefully she confronts him and hopefully he doesn’t lie and if he does, I hope that she sees through it. All you can do is be there for her if/when this happens.

    You did what you were supposed to do. Best of luck.

  21. I feel like this guy is secretly hoping for a 3some? Just me?

    He may view you guys as unrelated if your technically step, and absolutely could be bicurious, or bi if sexuality was never discussed.

    If these advances make you uncomfortable, which im assuming it does,

    i would pull him off to the side and tell him politely that you view that as flirtatious and you’d appreciate it if he stopped, its making you uncomfortable.

  22. I get he doesn’t make you uncomfortable but you need to lay down some boundaries. Explain to him that you’re getting flirting vibes and you’re not okay with that considering he’s dating your sister.

  23. “homoerotic things guys do”…

    yeah, when i was in highschool we had those jokes which were initiated mostly by two of my exclassmates who got out of the closet years later. The others (or at least I speak just for me) were just doing it for “peer pressure” or just to seem cool since they were the most popular kids from our class. But as I said, that was just during high school when we were just young and dumb.

    I wouldnt consider a guy being straight (perspectively speaking) doing that kind of stuff nowadays, at least not often (one or two times every [large periods of time] doing something out of the null to be funny), especially now during these times where gender id is way less of a taboo as when i was in highschool.

    He is either bi or bicurious, which I dont consider bad at all, but since he has a gf and that gf HAPPENS TO BE YOUR SISTER, he is just an idiot, and your sister is also an idiot for choosing to side on someone she barely knows instead of siding you, which are not only her family, but also someone she has grown close to with.

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