Before I start, I know it’s been 2 months since my last post and to be honest I didn’t think about updating or giving a follow up because I didn’t want to think about the situation.
I’m posting this cus I had a lot dms telling me to update so yeah.
So just a recap: My mother has passed away at the start of summer so I was already depressed because I had been looking forward to just relax and have her meet my gf[24] now ex, but when she passed away I was getting depressed and then my sister passed away as-well and I was at my lowest point because I didn’t have anymore living relatives. No grandma or grandpa, no cousins or at least I do but they never talked to us since they live somewhere in the other side of the country. No dad since he left when I was born, he’s out there somewhere.
Now the update:
So you know in most situations when you and your gf/bf are going thru arguments or are going through a rough point in their relationship they will seeks emotional support from a guy best friend, and usually they would sleep with them because they felt it was the heat of the moment and y’know all the BS they say to explain there reasonings on why they did it. Will surprisingly in this case her guy best friend is the one who told me about my gf cheating on me.
(No she didn’t cheat on me with her guy best friend) he’s the one who actually tried to get my gf to stop from going any further from cheating on me with some guy she met at a bar. But y’know how all drunk story’s goes they get drunk then you know that stuff happens then blah blah blah.
When I had found out she cheated on me I was just angry,sad, and depressed but most of all I felt betrayed because I thought maybe I had one more person that still loved me that was still alive but I guess that wasn’t the case. I’ll admit I sorta neglected her for the most part of the summer because I was still trying to process my mothers and sisters passing and I feel responsible for not giving my gf then attention she deserved.
So I just kindly asked her to grab her stuff and find another place to stay because I was thru with her, of course she begged me to give her another chance but I was emotional drained that couldn’t I handle anymore emotional stress so I just decline and tell her to leave.
I have been hanging out with her girl and guy best friend and they told me that my ex has changed a lot. They told me that she feels guilty and stupid because of the decisions she made and she feels regret. They told me that she went on a date and that it went well but she said that it didn’t feel right because it wasn’t me. She says that she still loves me and that she would do anything to get my forgiveness. They told me that she just works and goes home now and all she does is just sit around and watch tv. Her friends tried to get her to go out hangout and meet some guys but she refuses and states that she still misses me and that she doesn’t feel anything with the guys she goes out with.
Now her friends are asking me to meet with her and see if we can work out something, they told me that my forgiveness would be fine and that she just wants me to forgive her so wouldn’t have to feel so guilty anymore.
OP dont go to the dark side…
Maintain the NC . If you go back you will find only pain.
About the “forgiveness ” not sure tho… Its too early even to fake it and say ” I forgive you” for the sake of it.
If she’s depressed now she can seek professional help.
You dont need to forgive her , you dont need to contact her – and tell her friends to fuck off
all that talk asking you to do stuff for her to feel better…..shameless much? where are your feelings in all this? dont they realize she was the one who cheated? reverse roles and imagine…sorry for your loss…i hope u feel better and treat yourself well ..take care …
Why should you make her feel less guilty? She should be telling her friends that she wants to make you feel less hurt and betrayed and know she really loves you. Tell her friends she should feel guilty and you can’t forgive her. You’ve had a terrible trauma and it will take time to heal, but you will find someone who truly loves you and supports you. This girl isn’t it.
You don’t owe her anything?
This whole thing of you apologizing to relieve her of guilt, it’s more emotional abuse. Another instance of her discounting your feelings to make herself feel better.
Tell her to fuck off and never contact you again. Also stop hanging out with those two people. They are not your friend.
Don’t. Don’t be this fucking stupid, she went out and cheated on you when you needed her support the most. This showed you her true character, she is not only a bad gf but a bad person. Let her go and sleep with every guy at the bar, focus on yourself and you’ll find a decent girl in the future.
Don’t give cheaters another chance to hurt you.
You don’t owe her forgiveness. If she didn’t want to live with the guilt then she shouldn’t have cheated in the first place. Maintain no contact with her, your health and wellbeing needs to be your priority, you don’t need a cheating gf to worry about.
It’s easy to fall back into old habits when you get back together with someone, sadly, you don’t really recover from something like this. Her guilt will make her a better person and if you get back together, her betrayal will destroy you. Let sleeping dogs lie and don’t meet up with her is the best advice I can give you.
Maintain the NC brother. You’ll be okay.
So she’s finally getting a taste of a minuscule amount of the loneliness that you are going through, without the grief accompanying it, maybe this will make her a better person in the future.
Tell her friends that what she did is unforgivable at this point in time, and while you may forgive her in the future, you are not at that stage now, and you do not know when or if you will be.
She deserves to feel all the guilt she is feeling. She didn’t just cheat, she cheated after you lost your last 2 family members, and after she was warned and stopped by a friend from going through with the cheating.
So her friends are trying to get you to forgive her. Sounds like they are firmly on her side and you are a casualty that must forgive and accept.
Dude, let them know that you don’t want to hear anything about your ex. If they want to speak about her, do so when you are not around.
Do not let your need for company forgive something as severe and cruel as what your ex did to you.
edit for grammar
So which is it, going out on dates but feeling nothing or sitting at home all day watching tv? They’re throwing it all out there, trying to find what will work to manipulate you. Stop hanging out with these “friends” and maintain NC. It’s not your job to ease the pain of someone that betrayed you.
Short and sweet: don’t do it.
You don’t need to forgive anyone for anything. In fact, I’m seeing nothing that would allow me to forgive her.
She needs to own those regrets.
She left you in the worst way during a very rough time and has shown she won’t be there for you. Is this something you want for your future?
Sorry for the loss of your Mom and Sister. These are trying times for you and just when you needed someone to lean on for support you gf was with another guy that is so selfish of her putting her wants above yours during your time of need. You may find forgiveness in your heart but that is totally up to you. Again sorry for you loss
Keep the NC in place, she’s an ex now, what she does with her life or how she feels is none of your concern. She can feel guilty or whatever, you move on bro.
Also this “because it wasn’t me” is pure bs, she certainly didn’t feel this way when she was cheating on you did she? Ignore all their bs, they’re trying to manipulate you just to make themselves feel better. They’re not at all concerned about how you’re feeling.
Why shouldn’t she feel guilty, though? She betrayed you when you were at your lowest. It was shitty behaviour by any metric, and now she and her friends are wanting you to shrug and give her a free pass on the matter? What would they do if it’d been their partner who’d betrayed them like that?
“forgive her so SHE doesn’t have to feel guilty anymore” kind of negates all the words before that. She still doesn’t seem to get, not everything’s about HER. Keep her sorry arse dumped. And btw, you had massive losses, it’s completely rational that you weren’t making it all about giving her attention. That’s a perfectly valid reason. Your losses and grief aren’t all about HER. Sounds like she has alot of growing up to do, or just lacks genuine empathy. Personally I wouldn’t consider going back there.
her friends are assholes
She deserves to feel guilty. You don’t hold responsibility for her actions or alleviating her conscious.
Block them all, move on.
Why are you spending time with her friends? I say her friends, because it seems like you consider them friends, but it also seems like they have an ulterior motive by being there…
Don’t forgive her, what she did is unforgiveable.. Both of you need to move on, and if I were you, I’d cut the whole tumor, not just the main part.
nah man. people don’t change. cheat is a cheat. cut your losses and move on. don’t walk in to a shot storm you walked out of.
Op, I am so sorry for your loss. You can chose to forgive her, but for you. I would continue not to speak to her however. Cheating itself is awful, but under the circumstances and when—was repugnant.
If you talk to her, it will just stress you out more. I cannot imagine how you feel given everything but I can understand wanting to forgive someone and bring them back into your life because you really want/need someone to get you through everything.
Don’t do it. I have forgiven things and tried to allow people back in when I shouldn’t have because at the time my life was so chaotic that I felt I need stability. She will never be satisfied with a friendship.
She will become a problem time and time again because someone who can do this to you NOW—isn’t a very good person.
In my most unhappiest relationship I stayed an extra six months until everything was stable for my ex because his mother had a heart attack and they later found cancer. I had love and respect for him despite wanting to no longer be with him. We had grown apart emotionally. BUT, I just knew he didn’t deserve to be betrayed and abandoned during this time and I have zero regrets because it’s what I signed up for when I committed to him.
When someone shows you WHO they are BELIEVE them OP. All of these things that have happened to you are awful. But I have faith you will move past it and be happy again. This person is an obstacle into that healing journey.
Forgive her in your mind if you would like—but you don’t owe her shit. The forgiveness is for you. She deserves nothing from you and you know what? Let her be sad. In what universe does she get to do what she did to you and be sad because she realized that you were special? She is going on dates. She ain’t THAT sad. Sifting through people while she is forced to remember what she threw sway is a good lesson on how not to be a shitty person in the future.
Op, I wish you healing and all good things during this time. May you attract people that will be supportive and awesome just like you. Wish you the best.
Start making new friends so you can cut all ties connected to her. It’s not about her needing forgiveness. You needed support and she didn’t offer it instead she sought something else for herself. There’s nothing to discuss with her. She made her choice and she just needs to live with it.
Stay the course buddy, when you needed her the most, she decided that betraying you was a better option and remember cheating is a decision, not a mistake.
She could cry and regret all she wants, it takes alot of steps to get into bed with someone else and could’ve been stopped along the way.
Stay close to your friends now and work on yourself and my deepest condolences on the loss of you mom and sister…
Don’t ever forgive betrayal.
She literally chose to go behind your back and sleep with another guy. Not once, but untill she got caught.
Now she misses you? Think how she never gave a fuck about loosing you, she risked whole relatioship to get dome D.
Don’t be naive, stand your ground, don’t ever meet her.
Please don’t go back to her
You don’t owe her any of your time, thoughts, feelings, etc. Anything her friends say about her doesn’t matter, just keep replying, “That’s not my problem.”
Oh poor her. Guilt and she wants you to ease that. Even though she kicked you at your lowest point.
You said at the beginning you weren’t even going to update because you didn’t want to think about it. Meeting up will be even worse than thinking. Just stay as you are. You don’t owe her forgiveness, or closure, or anything. Keep doing you. And tell the friends you aren’t interested, please stop bringing her up.
lol, is all i have to say
that ex mightve changed but it doesnt change what she did to you, especially during that period of your life. i wouldnt wanna talk to her ever again and ur doing great man, keep it up
OP she hurt you. She cheated on you. She knew you were hurting and didn’t care. This is an act she’s acting or telling her friends this so they can tell you it’s an act she doesn’t care for you or she wouldn’t have done it. Tbh why are you still friends with her friends? Of course they’re going to say she’s sad and misses you and doesn’t go out on dates when she probably has and mentioned it once. Her friends are her friends you need to heal yourself and find better friends
they probably among those that she slept with or supported.
go on with your life
There’s no need to take someone with you who wasn’t there on your worst day.
She wants your home and what you provide, she misses living comfortably.
Wow dude … fuck her feelings. Yes, she should feel like a piece of shit. Her friends want the best for her, thats fine but it is not your business anymore.
She was not so depressed sucking an other man’s dick…
If I were you I would poulitely tell these friends that you dont wish to speak with her anymore.
Im pretty sure she will get over you – she did it for one night before.
Oh she’s feeling bad? Guilty? Doesn’t do anything fun anymore? Good, she should be having a hard time. That’s what happens, actions have consequences. The best revenge is to live your life and find your happiness, away from people like her. You don’t owe her a visit, you don’t owe her any forgiveness.
She cheated. There is no going back. Unreconcilable.
> I have been hanging out with her girl and guy best friend and they told me that my ex has changed a lot. They told me that she feels guilty and stupid because of the decisions she made and she feels regret. They told me that she went on a date and that it went well but she said that it didn’t feel right because it wasn’t me. She says that she still loves me and that she would do anything to get my forgiveness. They told me that she just works and goes home now and all she does is just sit around and watch tv. Her friends tried to get her to go out hangout and meet some guys but she refuses and states that she still misses me and that she doesn’t feel anything with the guys she goes out with.
All of that is the performance she is putting on.
> my forgiveness would be fine and that she just wants me to forgive her so wouldn’t have to feel so guilty anymore.
This is what she actually wants.
Don’t be an idiot. Cheaters will always say, “I’ll do *anything*”.
They’ll do anything except leave you the fuck alone and stay out of your life.
Even when they say they’ll do anything they’re lying.
No one is going to “change” that much in two months. I’m sure she feels bad, I’m sure she misses you, I’m sure she wants everything back the way it was.
But it’s been, again, two months. And, pay VERY close attention to this, “my forgiveness would be fine and she just wants me to forgive her so wouldn’t have to feel so guilty anymore” BINGO. There it is. She should feel guilty. You owe her nothing. LESS than nothing. These friends are almost certainly acting as direct agents in this (not to be too dramatic).
If you want to fix things, great, that’s your prerogative. But don’t meet her “to forgive her” or “for closure.” That’s bullshit. She feels bad because she did a bad thing. That is her problem, not yours.
Man I am truly sorry for you. You lost everybody that you loved. Christ you must be feeling all alone in the world.
I wouldn’t be able to get back with her. I can’t even think of a remote reason for her to cheat when she knew you were still moaning the loss of your mother.
Tough as it maybe, it’s time you start time from here and begin a new life.
Edit: Please get tested regularly for cancer. You probably are beyond the point of caring – but your Mom and Sis would want you to.
Stay NC and let her rot. They don’t care about you. They just want her to be”good” again because they are tired of her sadness. You mean nothing to them.
Tell her friends, that the relationship will
Be one way open and you op can fuck whoever you want whenever you want. If you want to get back together. I say don’t meet with her, let her live with her decisions. She was not there for you when you needed her most. She is trash, and likely one of the most selfish people on the planet.
If you can, contact your cousins through things like Skype or zoom. Also if you have gmail, you can see your cousins on camera through you email’s webpage. You really do not need to be in contact with your ex. But maybe you can reach out to your cousins and say (at the most) schedule once a week just communicating with them.
You can’t force forgiveness, and unless it’s genuine, you’d be lying. And given the circumstances, I’d personally stay no contact. Having a guilty conscious is her burden to bare. She had an affair when you were at your lowest, despite those around her telling her it was a bad move.
So unless you genuinely forgive her, or see yourself getting back together, stay away. Her guilty conscious isn’t your concern.
Op, block them all. JFC they all sound like jerks in some way.
You do not have to forgive. And next time they ask I’d say,
*I’ll forgive her when I’m good and ready. Stop asking*
It’s rude af and they seem more concerned over the ex than you.
Lmao I wouldn’t take what her friends are saying after the fact as something you should put a lot of weight too. They are her friends, BEFORE yours. They bias, the guy bestie has a conscious yes but still bias towards his friend. They are thinking of her OVER u.
What she did was really fucking cruel. If she was unhappy she should have left. Not cheat. She was not justified, no matter what the relationship was like. She made a choice to lie and cheat
Move on! Don’t try to find something in your ex which is not there, it’s just in your head.
No no no!
Her bestfriends want what’s best for her and not for you. Maintain no contact and drop the other two
>She says that she still loves me and that she would do anything to get my forgiveness
All she had to do to avoid this was not fuck somebody else. I DGAF about how sad she is, how much she changed, how much she realised it meant, how she has no life now, these are the consequences of being a cheating piece of shit, and it’s the bed she made. You don’t owe it to her to forgive her, and to be honest if you do meet up and tell her you forgive her it will crush just a little bit more of your self esteem, because you’ll know she doesn’t deserve it.
You need to separate yourself from these ‘friends’ because all they’re thinking about is her wellbeing and they’re prepared to shit all over you to help her, as they’re demonstrating. Instead of asking you how you feel about her, they’re just parading this pity party about her in front of you, because at the end of the day they care more about her being sad than you. Tell them to fuck off, find some friends completely divorced from this whole shit show and leave them behind you.
Don’t do it. She showed her true character when you needed her the most. She doesn’t deserve for her guilt to go away because she is guilty. If you want to forgive for yourself then fine but never take her back.
She’s a worthless piece of shit who isn’t of any use to you. Move on and let the bitch rot.