Almost a year ago, I turned to Reddit following the most embarrassing moment of my life to open the door for even more embarrassment. The masochist in me got positively tingly at the hateful comments, and continuing a relationship that everyone on Reddit, myself included, knew was doomed. No amount of supportive comments could stop me from being terrified at ending my relationship, we obviously aren’t happy but we are damn comfortable. Too comfortable. We have three dogs, we have a house (that he owns in only his name), and I have a good bit of debt and a job with no health insurance. I was too overwhelmed to face all of those challenges and come to terms with my marriage being over, so I gave up the little self respect I had and stayed. I tried to work on my issues, work on us, and see if our relationship is salvageable. Spoiler alert, and I’m sure this will shock you, it isn’t. There is just no shaking the feeling that he just doesn’t really care about me, beyond what I represent about him to other people. He’s happy to sing my praises about being his pretty, cool, laidback wife, to anyone who will listen (yeah motherfuckers, you called the Cool Girl thing, congrats). Except me, to me he is almost exclusively critical, I pretty much always feel I am failing. We have rarely had sex, and when we did, it felt selfish and disconnected.He loves being a romantic for the sake of a story to tell, but you won’t catch him caring about my needs unless I’m blowing up and demanding (two of my least favorite things) and then suddenly there’s a sense of urgency. He was all ready to do couples counseling after Vegas to save our marriage, until I stopped being actively mad all the time. We never made it to a single session. The one time I worked up the nerve to bring it up, he changed the subject as soon as he could and we haven’t discussed it since. When I decided to stay, I told myself I would give it a year, if I wasn’t happy and feeling like we were making progress then I was done. Our anniversary is in just over 2 weeks, and I am no more ready than I was to face the challenges this will bring but a deal is a deal. So here I am, asking for encouragement and advice, especially if you know anything about divorce in PA because that shit is overwhelming. Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qcrbkf/my_28f_husband_32m_invited_a_stripper_to_have_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Update: My (28F) husband (32M) invited a stripper to have a threesome without discussing it with me. One our wedding night. Where do I go from here? Divorce.
RELATED ARTICLES
25 COMMENTS
Comments are closed.
You got this!
You need a divorce to-do list. Checking off boxes is fun! I’ll start:
1. Call a divorce lawyer. Make sure you get as much as possible.
2. Look at what your health insurance options will be post-divorce. You should be able to get something on the marketplace.
3. Tell family and friends you trust your plans so you can help.
4. Start looking into places to rent when you leave.
Feel free to help me build the list, everyone!
Would you not be happier alone without him?
Imagine then how much happier you could be with a partner ***that actually cares about you***.
Breaking up is rarely easy, but living a long miserable life is much harder.
Omg, I REMEMBER your post from then. Horrendous man. I’m so happy for you! Keep your promises to yourself. Re advice: Don’t tell him about the divorce until after talking to a good lawyer so you can follow their advice. He might do shady stuff if he knows what’s coming. Good luck!!! You’re going to be fucking great! Honestly all those pesky life details that kept you around, you will figure out. You figured it out before him, and you’ll do it after him.
Do you have joint accounts?
If you do makes copies of everything asap. Take them to the lawyer and ask them what to to with the $
DO NOT tell him or let him on until after your speak to a lwyer and get your ducks in row. No time to F you over catch him after youve covered your bases!
I went back and read your original post as I hadn’t seen it before, and I am so sorry you had to go through that. That sounds humiliating and you did not deserve to be treated like that.
I’m also sorry for some of the comments you received on your first post. You were heavily downvoted for simply expressing a desire to be treated more compassionately by a commenter who was quite patronizing.
People were needlessly cruel to you 11 months ago. We can scoff all we want at posters who won’t leave miserable situations, but until we’re in them, we can’t possibly know how we would react. Your reaction to stay was normal, albeit heartbreaking. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for that, if you are.
I’m glad you are now taking steps to look into divorce. I have no advice about divorce in general or in PA, but I wanted to validate your feelings and your decision. I wish you a happy future in which you’re treated with the respect you deserve.
Hey, i just read through your posts and i can say i am amazed with how well-written and documented it all is. It looks like you’re a very perceptive person who’s keenly aware of the nuances in the situation. After all, you sound like an awesome individual and this man absolutely stepped all over you in ways he couldn’t even comprehend. Good riddance and godspeed to you with this divorce process. At least you have come out of this situation having learned a couple lessons in improving your ability to enforce boundaries and be more rightfully confrontational
Time to walk. Don’t waste another year of your life. Give him the gift of divorce papers on the anniversary with a house empty of everything that belongs belongs to you.
I don’t have legal advice, but I wanted to say that you might be surprised by how unburdened you feel when you finally end things.
I also wanted to give you hope. I also left a husband who wouldn’t listen to me. If I brought up an issue, he would either deflect by bringing up things I did that he didn’t like, or acknowledge it but nothing would change.
I left and am now with someone who actually listens to me. I’m not afraid to tell him I have an issue because he gives af.
You got this! There are better times for you ahead!
Do you have family you can stay with?
Maybe just start off small and just get away from him. Go stay with your parents, find a new job, then once you’re on your feet file for divorce.
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You were facing a horrendous situation and leaving the marriage at that time would have left you with serious challenges to face. You made a good faith attempt to allow him to become a better husband. The fact that he failed is his fault, not yours.
Talk to a lawyer in secret before doing anything. Arrange your finances and find a place to stay.
You can do this! A bunch of people provided steps, make a list and start checking off those boxes.
Two important things
1. He can’t know anything until you walk out the door. So don’t tell anyone you don’t 100% trust.
2. Get the documents out even before you leave!
Know your doing the right thing for you and it’s gonna get better. Good luck
My advice re divorce. When you leave, don’t leave everything behind. Take your fair share as you paid for half of it. I walked away with two mugs, the spare duvet and a lamp. It cost me a fortune to replace all that house stuff. Make a plan and stick to it.
You didn’t listen the first time so why post again. You’re wasting your time when you already know the answer
Ugh. I remember that post. How awful. I’m so sorry.
Go on nextdoor and get an attorney recommendation. Get that ball rolling.
If you are not happy, and he is not doing anything to make you feel secure, walk away. You have done one year. Imagine forty years of this.
If it was under 30 days look at having it annulled as it wouldn’t require divorce papers
Edit: I can’t read apparently.
If nothing else just know that I am rooting for you ❤️ not only do you deserve so much better, but you are strong and capable of getting to that better place.
LEAVE
HIS
ASS!!!
(think move that bus from extreme makeover home edition)
But seriously, he doesn’t love you and you know it. Would you rather stay in a loveless marriage or find someone who really, truly loves you? And you’re still so young! If you wanted to have kids you’ve got PLENTY of time! If you don’t then time is no issue anyway and you can live your life however you damn well please without some POS asshole husband making you feel like shit for existing!
If somebody in your life was feeling how you are right now and came to you for advice, what would you say to them? Probably to leave his ass. You owe yourself the same kindness.
You’ve got to get some serious perspective. Yes it’s going to be hard, probably messy, for a bit. But time will go by anyway, it stops for no one. And so far that year that’s gone by, youll never get back. And the more time you wait, the more time is gone forever from your life. You could use that time equally ticking off what you need to do to leave, and actually be working towards a more positive future, using that same time.
Nows the time! Get out! The new boy thing that will happen if you stay is being one year more miserable with him. Go find happiness!
Do yourself the favour you wanted to do a year ago, just get yourself independent, with a home of your own, support and love from anyone you want and enjoy your life without trying to drag this dead horse down the road any further to the glue factory. He sounds like SUCH a douche, shallower than a petri dish and you keep giving yourself excuses for putting up with it, lying down to let him parade over you and I suspect you know why and you should probably work on that. Get some self respect, stop accepting these penny shares in a worthless company.
Once you’ve made the hard decision to go, the rest is just practical logistics. Plan what you need, get legal advice as to the mechanics and finances, take an audit of what you will take with you both practically and financially, construct your plan for where, how and when you will live, then go do so.
Divorce speedrun any %
Aw 🙁 how embarrassing for you