Friday, March 24, 2023
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UPDATE: My bf set me up to see if I’d cheat on him

I made this post a couple days ago and I’ve had some PMs asking what happened. In a tough situation right now, with no one to talk too.
I broke up with him the day I made the post. It was a horrible break up and he didn’t take it well. I got spam calls, messages and even emails. I thought everything would be okay if I ignored him, wrong. He showed up to my place making a scene, I let him in and we talked. Somehow got me to give him a second chance. He stayed over for about two more days and we broke up again after a fight. He threatened to kill himself but I didn’t care. I guess he saw it wasn’t working and he then threatened to ‘leak’ our sex tapes. To my knowledge we’ve never made one, but I know he wanted to badly. I’m unsure whether one does exist and if it does I don’t want it leaked. I told him we could keep dating but I don’t want to be with him. He’s being staying at mine and I don’t want him here. I’m not scared he’ll hurt me but I can’t pretend to do couple stuff and have sex with him anymore.
The only plan I have is to move in with my cousin a few states away. It’s an extreme but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t talk to anyone because the whole situation is embarrassing.

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  1. If you are American revenge porn can get jail time, let him know. He doesn’t go call the cops, tell them he will not leave and he threatened revenge porn. Also mention you never allowed him to film you.

    His experience will not be a very happy one.

  2. A leaked sex tap is illegal. He will go to jail. If you have records of threats via text or voicemail save them. The best you can do in the mean time is to tell him you have to work one day and just don’t go back. Sign everything to get out of a lease if you are in one. Then call your cell provider and change your number.

  3. This is where you involve law enforcement ASAP.
    You have a man keeping you in a relationship against your will.

    He has threatened you with revenge porn… that you did not consent to and did not even know existed.

    And now he’s refusing to leave your place.
    He’s manipulating you, threatening you, and holding you hostage

    You need help, more help than Reddit can give you.
    Stay safe and be careful.

    “I’m not scared he’ll hurt me”

    He’s already trying to hurt you…

    “he then threatened to ‘leak’ our sex tapes.”

    “he threatened to kill himself”

    Did you ever expect he would be capable of saying/doing something like this?

    It’s not that hard of a stretch for it to escalate even more and turn physically violent.

  4. Make a police report in advance about his threat to leak your sex tape. Revenge porn is a crime (in America, at least…often a felony). I’d also tell him that you went to the police about it and that if it leaks, you’ve already reported him. He’ll do time.

    Either way stop letting him bully you into staying with him. Call the police and force him to leave. Block him on everything. If he shows up again, call the police.

  5. Record *every* conversation you have with him. (Check if recording is legal where you are.)

    If he has video of you without permission, he broke the law.
    If he threatens to leak it, he broke the law.

  6. Revenge porn is ILLEGAL and he can go to jail if he does post any sort of video. Since he refuses to leave, call the cops, explain the situation and that he has threatened you with revenge porn one that you have no idea was filmed.

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve this in any way. I hope you can navigate this safely and with caution and are able to stay safe.

    Also, I would say to still visit your cousin if you get him to leave. He could come back to hurt you or anything, not trying to scare you just inform you. And if you don’t want to leave, you could invite over a friend or two to stay with you if you can. If you do leave, don’t tell anyone who knows him where you’re going.

    I wish you well OP

  7. He’s still there????? Wtf?!
    Tell him to get the fuck out right now and if he ever contacts you again or released a sex tape he secretly made you will call the cops have him arrested and get a restraining orde r

  8. Contact your local women’s shelter and ask them for advice on how to remove someone. They’ll also be able to advise you on revenge porn etc… They know all the up to date legislation, so they’re brilliant for advice.

    I’d be wary about him hiding cameras around your flat in order to get material he can use to blackmail you. That’s why I’d ask for advice before you run away.

    You can talk to someone, you don’t give them all the details. You just say you were planning on breaking up with your boyfriend over some arguments he’s blackmailing you emotionally, you need advice on what to do or might need a place to stay whilst you figure it out.

    You don’t have to say he’s blackmailing you with revenge porn, but if you feel comfortable say it and say you don’t know if he’s recorded you.

  9. Ask him if he realizes that revenge porn is illegal and he’s threatening to commit a crime. Then tell him to go home and never darken your doorstep again or you’ll call the cops on him for trespassing. It’s time to stop caving into his wishes.

  10. Tell him that you will go to the police and get a lawyer if he keeps threatening you, and it’s a crime to “leak” sex tapes. Throw him out!

    >I can’t talk to anyone because the whole situation is embarrassing.

    The only one who should be embarrassed is him. You need support and have someone to help you kick him out!

  11. He is already hurting you, he just havent physically attacked you.

    And there is nothing here to be embarrassed about. You havent dont anything. He is acting unstable after you broke up with him, he started threatening you. This is serious.

    Please reach out to a friend or familymember who can help you manoeuvre the situation and say safe. Even if you feel safe, I promise you, you are not safe with this man in your apartment/house.

  12. Break up in a public place, you may trust he won’t hurt you but I’m worried he could. Tell him leaking any tape would be a serious crime and you would press charges. File a report with the police regarding his behaviour and threats, they probably can’t do anything straight away but it will help you and them in case of escalation. If he turns up at yours again call the police and don’t let him in.

    Stay safe.

  13. Dear girl – he’s manipulating you into staying with him. Find a couple of friends you trust and tell them what’s going on. It’s NOT embarrassing – it’s abusive. Next time he leaves let him know that he’s no longer welcome – change the locks if you have to – make sure you have friends that will be with you. If he won’t leave – let him know you’ll call the police and have him trespassed. If he threatens a sex tape make sure you have it in writing and get a lawyer from student services. Let them know of the threat and that you want a restraining order.

  14. Stop being embarrassed! You didn’t do this HE did! Call the cops to get him out of your apartment. Tell him if he has tapes without your consent he will be arrested for that. If he leaks them, he will be arrested for THAT. Get him out of your house! Block him everywhere. Get a restraining order.

  15. Emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse. What advice would you give to a friend if they told you this story?

    Don’t be embarrassed either. You have nothing to be embarrassed about

  16. Call the police and have them escort him off your property. You don’t want him there, therefore he is trespassing. As for a potential sex tape leak, if he filmed you guys having sex without your knowledge, that is a crime. Research lawyers in your area just in case.

  17. Please don’t stay with him put of fear. Break up and get him out of there. You don’t have to love away. Tell him that 1) recording you having sex without your permission is a criminal offense, and 2) using a sex tape for blackmail or releasing it as revenge is also illegal, 3) you will immediately report him to the police and press charges if he does any of these things.

    Thank goodness he screwed up with his stupid test so that his true self was revealed before you got married.

  18. You need to call the cops. He’s threatened you, he won’t leave your home, and he’s holding you hostage in this relationship. You need to get law enforcement involved to remove him from your home, and then yes, moving away in the short term is probably a good solution. But for now, you need help urgently. Please call the cops.

  19. stop all contact with him. dont let him in, dont even open the door if he shows up. call the cops to remove him from your home and call them if he ever shows up again. consider getting a restraining order

  20. Oh ffs. He probably doesn’t have one, and even if he DOES leak it, you go to the police and report him. It’s revenge porn. And it’s illegal. Stop being a doormat, kick him out and tell him to F off! If he causes a scene, call the police. Tell them he’s threatening you, threatening suicide, and then go NC. Block him everywhere, get a trespass order, and look quietly at moving.

  21. Revenge p# is illegal is it not? He sounds instable, leave for your cousin without warning and be prepared if he follows you. Do not stay with him and no much of a fit he throws do not be alone with him anymore. I am so sorry, ask for help if you can.. are there women shelters or something?

  22. YOU need to start recording conversations re him leaking the sex tape and report him to the police!!!!! Bring up the conversation and record it. You need to get rid of the guy.

  23. Please find a safe way to leave him. He is showing huge signs of a serious personality disorder and as others have said, even if there IS a sex tape, remind him leaking it would get him jail time. Then don’t let him know you are leaving until you are gone, and let trusted friends know when you are doing it for support and just in case things go sideways. I’d treat this like getting out of a domestic violence situation in some ways because they use many of the same tactics and he could be capable of it. Please take care of yourself and be safe.

  24. Leave the man and cong let him back in your house. Tell him leaking a sex tape would get him arrested since you never consented to make one. You will press charges.

    And I must say, using that threat to get back w you would have made me slam the door in his face.

    You should play nice and go through his shit. Check every electronic he has and delete any naked photos/videos he has od you.

  25. Depending on your state if you live in the us there are laws against “revenge porn” which is stuff like this so he could go to jail specially if it was taken without your consent which I believe is also ilegal. He is also commiting blackmail which is also ilegal a lot of people in your situation get scared and comply but if you can get a written record or a voice reccording of him threatening you depending on your state you could have him by the balls on this specially since its most likely an empty threat. Go to the police or contact a lawyer to know your options please.

  26. You should invite him to leave, immediately. If he refuses, then call the cops. If he continues his harassment of you, then go and get a restraining order served on him, and if he violates the terms of the order, have him arrested. He’ll be brought before the magistrate or judge that issued the order, and may have to spend a few days or a week in jail for contempt of court. That should give him an attitude adjustment.

    Do all the above before you have to move two states away, as you have rights, and one of those rights is to be secure in your person, which means where you live.

    All the above is called taking out the trash. ‘Nuff said.

    I wish you well.

  27. You need to call the cops wtf. A leaked tape is illegal. A threat to harm themselves? You can call emergency services. If you feel threatened LEAVE and bring the cops with you. You are literally a sitting duck

  28. Well that escalated quickly

    Edit: highly agree with all of the other comments, his mask has slipped and all bets are off. Leave, call a friend to come over if possible, you do not need to be alone w this man ever again. Call the cops or a lawyer, he sounds deranged and you want his actions and threats documented at this point. Good luck, stay safe.

  29. You can tell him if he threatening to kill himself you will have him comment to a hospital call the cops. If he recorded sex tapes and you didn’t know he can go to jail tell him that. Also ask him to leave if he refused call cops And they will escort him off

  30. Call the police on him. Relay his threats to them. Let those two have a talk. Call the police everytime he shows up. It’s not really embarrassing – it happens to lots of people. What’s embarrassing is dating someone you can’t stand because he is whinny.

  31. There’s a very good chance he’s bluffing about the existence of a tape. I mean it got you to stay with him, right?

    Break it off and tell your friends what’s going on. If my friend was going through this I’d support her! Also talk to the cops about the supposed tape and if it comes up just calmly tell him what recourse you plan to take.

    He’s a bully who’s full of talk.

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