Sunday, March 26, 2023
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UPDATE: Told my sister that her boyfriend totally isn’t straight, She now wont talk to me

Just a quick update and hopefully to get some more advice. Original [here](

Me (23m) and my sister (23f) are talking again, she actually staying with me currently since we both need support from each other. She is no longer seeing her ex and his been kicked out of the friend group since he did something terrible to me. I tried to file a police report but the man I was talking to said it would be a waste of time so I wasn’t able to. I (more like my sister) plan to try and complain to someone more higher up or something, I’m not sure how it works.

Im trying to stay strong but I’ve been a mess the past few days, I think I’m only here now because of my sister who’s been my rock. My sister has also been helping me find someone to talk to about all this. At the moment tho I’m just numb. A lot of questions have been swirling around my head, like why me, why did I deserve this, why again. I really hate myself atm. My poor sister has to deal with a break up and me being a mess now. Idk how ill ever make it up to her.

TLDR: me and my sister are good now but everything else, not so good.

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  1. I am so deeply sorry it ended this way. I’ve been in a position similar to yours and I am sending you all the peace I can.

    This is a terrible thing to experience, and a terrible thing to recover from. There are no words on earth that will make this feel ok, not yet. There will be some days that feel worse than others, but there will also be days you don’t feel it at all. The more time that passes between what happened and your present, the less you will feel the pain of it. The easier it will be to feel like yourself again.

    I am so glad you have such a strong support system in your family. I am so thankful your friend group has exiled the one responsible. You’ll need that support and love, so even when it feels like you don’t deserve it, do your best to accept it. They can’t take away the pain, but sometimes it’s nice to have someone just sit there while you feel it.

    Again OP, I’m so sorry for this. Please remember the love people have for you, and when you’re ready and able, if you can access and afford therapy, find someone who specialises in what you went through.

    You are so much more than what has happened to you. It will be a part of you for a long time, maybe forever, but it will never be all of you. You are so much more than the grief and hurt you feel now, and you will heal, and you will be ok <3

    I hope you find peace, and I hope you’re ok.

  2. In many places you can bypass the police and talk to the state prosecutors who also have authority to file criminal charges in court. Please take care of yourself and get some counseling to help you process this no matter what happens with the authorities.

  3. I’m so sorry. When someone gets SA it has nothing to do with them, and only to do with perpetrator.

    The police officer is wrong. You need to file assault charges. Also pursue him civilly.

    Please get therapy.

    YOU had nothing to do with it. Please don’t try to rationalize HIS actions as something YOU had any control or impact on.

  4. I am so sorry this happened to you. You and your sister clearly have a strong bond. It’s wonderful she’s supporting you. I don’t think she wants you to “make up” anything to her. She loves you and wants to be there for you. Lean on her and take care of yourself. Sending love.

  5. As a sister, you won’t have to make it up to her. She will just be glad to see you get through this. And you’ll get through it together.

    I am so sorry that that vile man harmed you. But please know that you didn’t do anything wrong to cause this, it happened because he is awful, it is not a reflection of you.

  6. I’m so sorry. It was not your fault. Take care of yourself.

    It sounds like your sister showed up for you in the end. She is probably dealing with a lot of guilt as well. Be there for each other. I’m guessing both of you could benefit from counseling.

  7. Do not let the police talk you out of filing a report. Go back and insist. They do this so they don’t have to deal with it but it will hurt you if you have issues down the road.

  8. It wasn’t your fault. It absolutely, unequivocally was NOT your fault.

    Write it down somewhere on a post-it and repeat it.

    This. Was not. Your fault.

    Sending all the love an internet stranger can. I’m sorry this happened. I’m sorry.

  9. I’m glad you have your sister for support again now, even if the two of you have some life readjustment ahead of you. I’m also sorry the cops were dismissive, I had the same thing happen to me when I tried to report a physical assault. I swear they turn people away because they’re just too lazy to file it.

    Just keeping moving forward, having someone to talk to will help a lot and in the meantime know it’s okay to lean on your sister, I’m sure she genuinely wants to help

  10. I know this must be an awful time and you feel awful but if you’re able to, look up some resources. There are lots of counseling resources and legal resources out there now that will help you as much as they can. Take care of yourself.

  11. There is nothing to make up to your sister. She disregarded your concerns. She should be making it up to you. I hope you find peace. At least you have support from your sister now and will help you find justice.

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