Sunday, March 26, 2023
HomeRelationship AdviceWould you consider this text exchange inappropriate?

Would you consider this text exchange inappropriate?

My (40F) husband (41M) has this conversation with a woman he met through his job. He works from home most days. He does IT for several companies. My husband R initiated this conversation. This was found on his Apple watch.

Edited to add: Her number was saved in his phone as a guy’s name. He says he just forgot one letter which would make it a female name.

Edit 2: He works from home by choice so being lonely isn’t an excuse. He also has plenty of friends (female and male) available to text with. His behavior has been different. He’s seemed distant. And he’s not attracted to people bases solely on looks so the fact that he hasn’t seen her means nothing. He does not have a racial preference nor body type (black, white, bbw, slim). Lastly, I know I violated his privacy but I’d rather know if he’s cheating before he gives me an STD. Judge that all you want.

9/29 12:06p R- Call me when you get a chance- (Name)

B- I’ll call you later

R- Ok emoji

9/30 12:14p Hey how’s the not working life?

B- Nothing to report as of yet lol I started working out again but today I’ve been in the bed. Threw up a couple of times and a migraine. Not sure why

B- How the tech world?

R-Dang sorry to hear that. Its the same old as it is any other day

R-Also, just a quick thought maybe you’re prego (pregnant emoji)

B-100% not preggo

R- (shrug emoji) just saying it was possible

B- Actually not possible (crying laughing emoji)

R-Well I hope you’re feeling better

B- I am. I left my AirPods at \*Old Job\* (eye roll emoji) I’m about to go over there and get them and drop these shirts off

R- Oh ok, why did you quit?

R-If you don’t mind me asking

R- Feel free not to answer ofc

B-What’s your ethnicity?

R- Like race? I’m black

B-Lol yea that

B- Ok so my black ass was the only black person in there so that itself was like (eyebrow raised emoji) but anyways I left because of lack of leadership. Everyone in \*department\* is miserable and instead of getting to the root of it, they just wanted to change seats around like we’re in middle school so we can’t vent to each other. \*Supervisor name\* came to me about something that I didn’t do and I was like ask \*co-worker name\*, she did it. But instead she kept talking to me about it then said people were complaining that \*department\* talked too much. I’m a whole adult. So I packed my shit and walked out


R-Aww man that’s funny

R-And I knew you were the only black person there only reason I let you call me directly

R- Typically I don play those reindeer games

B- They definitely had me fucked up

B-And also you enjoy talking to me so there’s that (R emphasized this comment)

R- Being a jerk and all

B-It keeps it exciting lol

B-When’s your bday?

R- \*Date\*

B-Makes even more sense now. Were almost birthday twins lol \*Date\*

R- Aries in the house

R-So I’m curious now would you have told me the story in the same way if I wasn’t black?

B- (laughing emoji) Nope

R- lol

B-Why did you assume I was black?

R-It wasn’t an assumption I have a really good sense when I speak to someone if they are black or not

B- Nah. You used those tech skills. You know everything about me (laughing emoji)

R- Basically I know when people are black or if they’re gay

R- lol naw I haven’t. I have no idea what you look like other than you being black and you having twins everything else you told me about you

B- Intriguing

B-SO I went in and \*co worker\* must have heard me so he put on his grumpy face to walk past and leave (eye roll and crying laughing emoji)

B- And is there anything you want to know?

R-Nothing directly, I like to figure people out as we talk

R-Plus I dont want to be accused of stalking you again (eye roll emoji)

R-Are you going to stay in \*state\*? <Same state we live in>

B-Yea. We’ve only been here since February and I’m working on opening up some things so I’ll stick around for a while. I can’t remember. Are you from out here?

R- Naw. I’m from \*state\*

B-Which part?

R- \*area\*

B- Why’d you leave?

R- too expensive to live there

B- I want to move to a beach. Haven’t made it yet smh

R-Living near a beach isn’t great. I guess it would be new but its gets old quick. Plus the beach sucks lol

B-I’ve lived everywhere but a beach/island

R- Beach is only cool at night. During the day its terrible

B- (several crying laughing emojis) you don’t like it. I get it

R- lol Sorry its just weird when in hear people talking about going to the beach as a vacation. If it aint a tropical island I’m straight. Really then I just want to eat

B-Where have you been?

R-Out of the country?


R- Bahamas and Mexico

R- What about you? What do you like to to for fun

B- Travel even though I haven’t been able to do that much lately. I’ve been to a couple of places. And I’m opening an even space soon . Right now I plan to do events to get my following

R- Like a travel agency?

B- No like a place for ppl to rent out for birthdays

R- Oh ok

10/1 12:30 R- Hey how are you feeling today

3:28 B- Hey \*nickname he actually hate being called, shortened version of his name\*


B-I got this awful headache again. I’m pretty sure it is allergies

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  1. I can kind of relate to this style of “flirting”.

    The getting to know her, asking questions that can lead to things. The interesting thing is both of them are doing this.

    This is thin ice. It could be innocent, but the door is wide open for much more to happen.

    Suggest a very long calm heart to heart about this.

  2. The convo is innocent enough but like why is it even happening? And mis-saving this person’s name would be pretty hard to miss since he had to open that chat so many times, so mis-saving it as a man’s name is red flag-ish to me…

  3. No one is mentioning the weird stalking comment.. “Cont want to be accused of stalking you again”.. seems a bit weird to me. And if you see this as inappropriate as his wife, then it is. Confront it either now or when you have more to go on ? Wait for more inappropriate comments than the ones you’re currently seeing and have proof he’s doing shit that’s not just “making friends”

  4. The content seems friendly enough, but she’s not his coworker and he doesn’t actually know her which makes some of the questions/comments a bit weird/ overly familiar. That, combined with the “misspelled” name would make me a bit suspicious too. Does your husband normally reach out to acquaintances out of the blue like this?

  5. This sounds a lot like every exchange I have with men on dating apps. It does not sound like a conversation I’ve ever had with a man who is in a relationship. I have in fact met and become friends with men who have partners and have quickly been informed and introduced to said partner. I also don’t casually talk to those men on the phone, co workers or not. So to me, this seems very much like the start of someone trying to date someone. Obviously you know you and the situation best but I would not love to see this and be okay. After I saw that pregnant comment I thought that it sounds like they were/have been sleeping together and I stopped there. I had to go back and read that you said they’ve never met. I then read the rest of the conversation…still suspect to me. Really don’t like the line about figuring people out as I get to know them. That reeks of starting to date someone.

  6. I would be fucked the fuck off if my partner was playing 20 questions with a co worker like this but I could get over it…until I realized they saved their name as a dudes… idk he’s sketchy check his email asap and all his other medias/phone I feel like you’ll find more you don’t like

  7. Ok, no. This is not innocent and did literally everyone else not read these lines?

    “And is there anything you want to know?”
    “Nothing, I like to figure people out as we talk.”

    “What about you? What do you like to do for fun?”

    Those are not questions you ask someone you don’t plan on getting to know better. And if he knew this person well enough prior those first two lines would never have been said.
    OP, your husband has some explaining to do.

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  9. What gets me is “How are you feeling?” And “You enjoy talking to me”.

    Guys don’t just ask people about their feelings like that without some emotion or intent. That’s something I ask very specially only with my partner. If a friend has been feeling ill or down I say that I hope they’re feeling better, which is open ended but not so intimate. I would have been upset, not about the content per se but the obvious intent. Anyone who denies intent here is being disingenuous.

  10. Hmm, not sure if you’re aware, but “talking” is slang nowadays for the stage before dating. The nickname and how they are comfortable talking on the phone would have me so pissed off. The fact he’s talking about being pregnant says to me one of two things: either he wants to know the last time she had sex (to see if she’s available) or the obvious, they’ve had sex…

  11. I noticed that he never mentioned he was married! I’m super gregarious and love meeting and talking to lots of people, men and women. Whenever I meet a woman I’m always sure to mention my SO when I have one. Just sayin’! Good luck!

  12. As someone who has been cheated on emotionally for a year, i must say this is sus. he shouldn’t be putting himself in a position that can compromise the relationship. he is curious and fishing for possibilities. comments about being pregnant and the misspelling of the name are what gives this away. and seeing as they don’t work together regularly and there has been no mention of you? very obvious to me and from my experience lines up with how my ex started

  13. Who texts back and forth like that if it’s just a “friend” or coworker? That’s a lot of time invested! Like it wasn’t 2 or 3 texts back and forth. You’re not being paranoid, this is definitely weird

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